Women’s bodies are beautiful and do incredible things. Although we know that everyone’s body is different, we may not always realize if something isn’t necessarily normal. It can be hard to understand, particularly if it is an issue of a more intimate nature that people simply don’t discuss.
An Australian woman knew that something wasn't right with her body, but she had no idea what to call it and kept her pain a secret for years. In an essay for news.com.au, Elena Filipczyk explained that when she finally decided to discuss the issue with her doctor, she was surprised to learn there was a name for her condition and that her issue actually affects many women.
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Filipczyk suffered in silence.
She explained that she finally came clean with her doctor at age 27 about an unusual pain in her vagina.
“My vagina doesn’t allow penetration,” she explained. “I can’t even insert a tampon. It feels like I’m hitting a wall, and the pain is excruciating – a blinding searing, like I’m being torn open.”
The doctor had a feeling about what was going on, and although Filipczyk felt relieved, she also felt angry.
The woman felt frustrated that no one discusses these things.
At first, she was diagnosed with vaginismus, which the Cleveland Clinic describes as “an involuntary tensing of the vagina. People experience it at the start of sex, while inserting a tampon or while getting a pelvic exam. Vaginismus can make intercourse painful (dyspareunia). Kegels, vaginal dilators and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help relax muscles and stop spasms.”
The condition made her so miserable that penetration was impossible.
“Even with a diagnosis, the shame was all-consuming. Surrounded by friends who enjoyed casual sex, were in long-term relationships, or had given birth, I thought I was alone. When I searched online, people mostly spoke about vaginismus in private groups and anonymous forums,” she wrote.
She couldn’t put anything into her vagina.
It wasn’t just sex; Filipczyk also found herself unable to tolerate a tampon.
Dr. Angela James, pelvic health physiotherapist and founder of Sydney Pelvic Clinic, told her that her pelvic floor was, in essence, guarding her body.
“With vaginismus, at some point the body has learned to fear penetration or anticipate pain, either because of fear, a narrow vaginal entry, an unbroken hymen, certain exercises, or trauma, including bad experiences with sex, tampons, and Pap smears.”
She felt ashamed.
Along with her vaginismus diagnosis, she was later diagnosed with vulvodynia, a common pelvic pain felt externally, and congenital vaginal stenosis, which is the rare narrowing of the vaginal canal. Filipczyk felt isolated and embarrassed. She explained that she posted to a Reddit forum hoping to find a sense of camaraderie with other women, but it continued to be a struggle.
“The message was clear: we don’t talk about this publicly. We whisper to doctors and physiotherapists, and then we use dilators secretly until we’re ‘cured’ and never have to speak of our shame again," she wrote.
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Although her condition is common, it isn’t normal.
James explained that there are treatments and that women need to take care of their physical and mental health. Although many women suffer, they don’t have to.
Filipczyk hopes that by sharing she will help other women feel seen. She wanted to help other women, and her story did just that.
“As I began treatment, I realised I was contributing to the cycle of shame that leaves people feeling embarrassed and terrified of speaking up. So I started telling people about my diagnoses," she wrote. "First, I told my best friends, who showered me with love and support. Later, I told a sexual partner. He listened calmly and responded without judgement. More of my shame and fear evaporated.”
And after telling a friend, that person admitted they suffered the same problem. Mission accomplished.
*Disclaimer: The advice on CafeMom.com is not a substitute for consultation with a medical professional or treatment for a specific condition. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem without consulting a qualified professional. Please contact your health-care provider with questions and concerns.
