The holidays are fun until they aren't. Sure, spending time with friends and family is always wonderful, but if you are the default host for holiday celebrations and no one ever offers to help, it can get old pretty quickly. Sadly, for many families, that is just how it goes, and when people finally reach their breaking point, it can cause trouble.
A woman and her husband are in a similar position with their families. Neither spends much time with their relatives for various reasons, but they have always agreed to host Christmas. This year, they have pretty much had it with both sides of the family and want to call off the whole thing. The woman turned to Reddit's AITA forum, asking if it was unreasonable for her to tell everyone to fend for themselves this Christmas.
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The couple began hosting Christmas out of necessity.
The original poster explained that she and her husband are both in their 40s and ended up hosting Christmas because no one else in their families was in a position to do it. They used to get some help with people bringing food, but even that dwindled during the pandemic, and it has never gotten back to normal.
"Someone will complain about the food every time, that there's not enough or too much of X and not enough of Y, or why didn't we get Z, and why do they have to bring their own drinks this year, on and on. The children only eat mac and cheese or chicken nuggets and refuse to eat or throw a fit if we don't have any, so we have to make those too," she wrote.
"I have to entertain the children because everyone else just ignores them. We end up broke, with our house trashed and our kids miserable and throwing tantrums because the others are too, and all around it's just not a fun experience," she continued.
Now, the couple just wants to cancel the whole thing.
OP admitted that her husband is over everything and wants to spend Christmas with their immediate family only. OP is beginning to think that is a pretty good idea, too.
"It's just so much work and such a miserable experience but the parents are all guilting us and complaining that nobody will help clean their house or cook so they can have it there," she explained. "I said they can have Christmas wherever they like but we would like a year off having to do any work or going anywhere; they're telling me we are AHs because Christmas is about family and I shouldn't let other people's negative attitudes get in the way of having a nice time with family."
OP added that the rest of the family wants her and her husband to get over it and do what they've always done. So, is she being a jerk?
Why can't somebody else take a turn?
Redditors think OP was totally justified in not wanting to host this year and that someone else could step up to host if it was that important to have family together.
People understand how expensive it can be as well. "No, NTA. you have every right to NOT open your home, wallets and time towards this dinner. Its perfectly acceptable to need a break from that stress," one comment reads.
"If your mother can use the excuse of 'done it for years, now it's someone else's turn', so can you," a person added.
"NTA. Just tell them 'not any more.' You've done your fair share. Maybe take a trip away with hubby and kids instead?" someone else suggested.
OP and her family should get to enjoy the holiday the way that they want to.
Many people agreed that Christmas can be super stressful, and it is totally OK to be at home with just immediate family.
"I think family can just be you and your kids this year if you'd rather. Nobody else is stepping up or even offering to contribute," one Redditor pointed out. "If they cared that much they'd offer to help with the work and/or expense. They don't, so that tells you where their priorities are. NTA.”
"Enjoy this season with your husband and kids. Have fun! Snuggle up with popcorn and movies, have whatever meal you want, sing carols, play games," someone agreed. "Do Not Answer The Door ! Life is too short to end up broke with a trashed house and miserable kids."
"NTA Enjoy the holiday for once with your family," someone else shared. "Do all those little things you could never do cause they all ruined it. Think you got yourself a new tradition as well :D."
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If the family doesn't like it, too bad.
The Reddit community was pretty united on this one. They think OP's family is being unreasonable and that she has no obligation to do anything for anyone other than her husband and kids. One person pointed out that they've basically done this to themselves.
"Misery loves company. If everyone is miserable, they feel less bad about being miserable themselves. Don't let up, they set their table, you enjoy your stress free dinner," the person commented.
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