Man Is Blindsided After Discovering Wife Secretly Stopped Taking Her Birth Control

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One man thought he and his wife were on the same page about not having kids right away — until he found a secret pregnancy test she bought. Apparently, they weren’t even on the same chapter. His wife had stopped taking her birth control as a “surprise” for him, and now he’s completely stunned at how very wrong he was about the two of them.

The couple has been married for about nine months, and the Original Poster (OP) thought they had an understanding.

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They would wait until after they bought a house, he finished school, and they had their “finances in order” before starting to try to have kids, he wrote in a Reddit post.

“The entirety of our relationship, she's been on the pill as her preferred method of birth control,” he explained.

He discovered just how wrong he was when their grocery delivery arrived while she was away.

His wife was at her parents' house having dinner while he stayed home with some of his friends.

“She had ordered groceries to be delivered earlier today, and when they arrived I, of course, started to put things away,” he recalled. “One of the items she purchased was a pregnancy test, which was such a shock that I literally felt my stomach drop when I saw it.”

He was freaked. He called her immediately and asked her to explain.

Well, perhaps his wife wasn’t as patient as he was. She confessed that she stopped taking her birth control pills a month ago “because she thought we were ready for children.”

The OP asked why she wouldn’t want his input on this huge decision “and she replied that she ‘wanted to surprise me,’” he recalled. “I told her there's literally a hundred different surprises that I would prefer currently, told her I'd see her later, and ended the call.”

Now they have to play the waiting game.

“Her period is due later this week, so unless she plans on taking it early we won't know if she's pregnant for a few days,” he continued.

But suffice it to say, the damage has already been done. He’s furious.

“We are not in the position to become parents currently,” he wrote. “I certainly don't want to be bringing a newborn into the world during a pandemic.”

He knows that technically they are married and want children one day, “but I feel absolutely betrayed that she would make a decision like this behind my back.”

“We had even agreed that if somehow we got pregnant while she was on the pill that we wouldn't go through with the pregnancy,” he added.

His wife will be coming home from her parents’ house soon, and he doesn’t know what to say to her.

“Am I right to be upset about this?” he asked. “What should I do? I'm currently working a full time job while pursuing my masters; I literally do not have the time to be a suitable parent.”

Some people agreed that his wife was acting shady.

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"This is completely messed up but what also stands out to me is her 'apology,'" one commenter wrote. "Saying she’s sorry you’re reacting this way does not = her being sorry for her actions."

"Are you sure you want to have children with someone like this?" another commenter wondered. "She's not even mature enough to apologize, she's manipulative and she's ready to unilaterally make decisions that will hugely and forever impact both of your lives, without consulting with you! Big yikes. At the very least, I would insist on couple's counselling to see, if this is even salvageable."

A third person thought it seemed like abuse.

"Google reproductive coercion and send her a link. In some places this is considered sexual assault," the person wrote. "And also get a lockbox/safe for your condoms that only you have the key/password to. If she complains that you don't trust her, look her in the eye and say 'your right, I don't; you have to earn it back.'"

On the other hand, a few people thought he was overreacting.

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"I get the betrayal angle. But from a higher viewpoint: I'm of the opinion that parenthood is something best thrust upon someone. Nobody would logically undertake it otherwise. When is the best time to become a parent? Whenever you're pregnant," one commenter wrote.

"Girls, please don’t lower yourself and your standards," someone else wrote. "If a guy can even suggest to get an abortion if you get pregnant — dump his [expletive]! He is a poor shmuck who should not procreate and no woman with self-respect should want to have his children. Please do not sleep with poor shmucks like OP."

A third commenter urged compassion.

"Everyone is saying to break up with her or don't trust her, but hear me out: This is a very natural tendency for women, and I don't think she's crazy," the person wrote. "I don't know how old you are, but maybe she is worried about her biological clock, or wants to start early because she wants a big family. I'm not trying to justify her behavior, but I don't think you should break up with her over this."

Get that guys? This is just a "natural tendency" for chicks. (Insert eyerolls here …)

In an update to his post, he shared that he’s asked for some distance before his wife takes her pregnancy test.

He’s been spending some time at a friend’s house and even missed his wife’s birthday.

“She ended up informing me this morning that she got her period and asked if that means I'm coming home now,” he wrote in the update.

But he isn’t sure if he’ll ever be able to trust her again.

“I'd rather be a young divorcee than feel like I need to keep my condoms in a lock box or something to prevent my own spouse from tampering with them,” he wrote.

He's also not sure that therapy would work because his wife is “ still infallible in her own mind, but I guess if she sees the light and genuinely apologizes soon I'd be willing to pursue it just because I do love her. “

At this point, it’s up to his wife to make things up to him.

“I'm not sure that even if she does make the effort that our relationship is repairable at this point, but maybe after some extensive couple's therapy we can figure out exactly where our relationship went wrong where she thought that behavior would be acceptable,” he concluded.