A visit from your mother-in-law can be really hit or miss. Sure, some great mothers-in-law exist, but if the relationship between you and your MIL is tense at best, then any time they come to visit there’s bound to be drama. Reddit is where a lot of the MIL beef gets documented, including one recent post where a woman complained that her MIL started their visit by cruelly commenting on her weight.
The 31-year-old Original Poster and her 31-year-old husband have been married for 10 years.
As the OP explained in her post on the r/JUSTNOMIL forum that has since been deleted, her MIL lives across the country, so they mostly talk through FaceTime every week or two.
“She has not been to visit since the pandemic began,” the OP wrote, “so finally she bought tickets to visit for 1.5 weeks and was planning to stay with us in our small apartment for that time.”
Just because her MIL is far away, it unfortunately doesn’t mean she doesn’t have an opinion.
A week before the visit, they were having their weekly FaceTime call when out of nowhere OP's MIL let it be known that she had something on her mind.
“She suddenly asked, ‘[my name], have you put on weight? (She laughs). Your face looks so round!’” the OP wrote. “I was really taken aback and tried to brush it off thinking I must have misheard her.”
The comment stung. The OP couldn’t really forget what her MIL said but didn’t say anything out of fear that she’d face more criticism.
When her MIL arrived, she seemed in good spirits.
“She is looking me up and down and smiling,” she recalled. “I felt self conscious but I thought she might just be happy to see us so was abnormally smiley.”
Sadly, the OP was mistaken.
“We sit on the sofa (my husband, her and I) and talk about random subjects,” she continued. “My husband hasn’t seen her for almost two years, so it was nice that we could all talk. Suddenly, with all three of us on the sofa together, she says past me and to my husband, ‘[my name] sure has put on a lot of weight, hasn’t she?’ As though I wasn’t even there.”
The OP stood her ground and told her MIL that she was being rude.
She added that it was “unacceptable” for her MIL to comment on her weight “even more so as she is a guest in our home!”
“What was she expecting? That we would just sit around and talk about how large I am?” she wondered. “With me present? As though I’m some disembodied object?”
The next day the OP was fuming but tried to keep her cool and remain civil. She privately told her husband to get his mom a hotel and told him that he’s welcome to visit her there “but I’m not going to be treated poorly in my own house and she can’t stay here,” she wrote.
“My husband is upset at me because he feels like he’s trapped in the middle, but I don’t see why I should have to put up with these comments,” she added.
People in the comments section had some strong words for the OP's MIL.
"It is absolutely inappropriate for her to comment on your body. Say so, and keep repeating it," advised one commenter. "It is also understandable that you would ask her to leave."
"Good for you. She can learn to have manners, and stay at a hotel till she apologizes," someone else agreed.
"'Please don't talk about my body ever again' works well for family members and coworkers alike," another commenter suggested.
Other people thought the OP might've misunderstood.
"The only remote defence I have for her is if she's from another culture," one person commented. "But when you were upset she should have apologized regardless of her cultural background! If she still hasn't then yep kick her out, and I can't believe your husband wouldn't support that."
"Could it be she thought you were pregnant?" another commenter wondered.
On the other hand, a third commenter had another suggestion. "I’m almost certain she’s on a 'Fishing For Grandbabies' trip. It sounds like you have had a decent enough relationship with her that you were allowing her to stay with y’all for a week so I don’t think that she would have been smiling at you expectantly when she first commented on your weight if she was actually trying to harm you.
"She also doesn’t appear to be an idiot and/or hate her son so she would not likely put him in a position in which he is expected to comment on his wife’s weight right in front of his wife and risk hell for himself. So I’m pretty sure she only did that because she expected good news in reply," the commenter continued.
"Might I suggest you 'lean in' to the situation and have some fun stringing her along," the person added. "For example, she says something about your weight and you reply, 'Yeah, well you know it’s to be expected in this type of situation,' where you’re referencing gaining some weight throughout the pandemic (like SO many others have, including me) but she will absolutely think you’re talking about pregnancy weight gain. Sounds like it could be fun!"
But the situation might be a little beyond "leaning in" at this point.
"She’s already said it to me twice," the OP wrote later in the thread. "I don’t owe her anything at all. She can treat people like that elsewhere, but not in my home as MY guest. That would be the day I resign myself to the residential doormat. She won’t be welcome ever again at our home."
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