Mom of 4 Lists All the Domestic Labor She Refuses To Do for Her Husband

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The saying goes that a mother’s work is never done. While that may sound like a remark about loving and parenting children well past childhood, it also speaks to the notion that women — mothers — are the ones who take on the lion’s share of household chores.

Whether it’s cooking, grocery shopping, washing dishes, or organizing the actives in and outside of the home, moms are expected to do this work. When they don’t, it can cause quite a stir, like it did when one mother of four shared that she does not do her husband’s laundry.

Paige Turner said she is her husband's partner, his equal.

@sheisapaigeturner When I first got engaged, my mother-in-law told me that I should not do my husband‘s laundry because I would learn to hate him. I didn’t take her advice, but I wish I had. When we take on domestic labor as an act of kindness towards our partners often times it set an expectation that that labor is ours. It is important that we do not take on all this domestic labor early marriage, because it set an expectation that we will continue to do so. ##domesticlabor##thementalload##thementalloadofmotherhood##divisionoflabor##marriagehumor##millennialmoms##millennialmarriage ♬ original sound - Paige

Paige Turner is a wife, a mother of four, and an operations manager. But she’s clear that she is not her husband’s maid or personal assistant. She stated this in a now-viral video she shared on TikTok.

“There is a [societal] expectation that because I’m married, I’m expected to do my husband’s laundry, but we both work full-time and we have four kids — that can be up to six, seven, eight loads of laundry per week — so, his is one load that I don’t do,” Paige said in an interview with TODAY.com.

Paige is married to her high school sweetheart, and there was a time when she did do his laundry. But after the birth of her fourth child, things changed.

There was a time Paige felt unseen in terms of division of labor.

After the latest addition to the family, she asked her husband to do more — like taking out the trash and unloading the dishwasher. But when she noticed he fell short, she put her foot down.

“One morning, I was changing my 18-month-old’s diaper while wearing my 2-month-old (in a carrier) and my other kids were getting ready,” Paige said. “I went to throw out the diaper and the trash was full.” To make matters worse, when she went downstairs, the dishwasher was full of clean dishes. “I felt so unseen … and taken advantage of,” she says.

Paige said doing laundry isn't usually an act of kindness, it's work.

@sheisapaigeturner Replying to @rafael it’s important to show your partner, love and kindness. And I believe in small acts of kindness for a partners. However, expecting your partner to do your laundry and all of the cooking and all of the cleaning, is not the same qe small acts of kindness. All of those things are domestic labor and then when add it up, create a lot of work. #domesticlabor #actsofkindness #actsofservice #marriagegoals #fairplay #millennialmom #mentalload #laundry ♬ original sound - Paige

While there were plenty of women who understood exactly where she was coming from and could relate to taking on an unequal and unfair amount of labor in the home, there were others who questioned why she wasn’t willing to do these small acts of kindness for her husband.

Paige had a response for that, too. “Small acts of kindness that are mostly domestic labor, just add up to work at the end of the day.” She doubled down sharing an entire list of things she doesn’t do for her husband.

“I don’t cook dinner. I do breakfast and lunch for us and our kids. I don’t pack him a lunch. If he’s hungry, he’ll figure out what he wants to eat, the same way I do.” Paige doesn’t make doctor’s appointments for her husband, she doesn’t pack his clothes for vacation, doesn’t buy new underwear. She shows kindness to her husband in other ways.

“I see a vinyl that I think he’s going to like. I buy it. I see something that I think he might enjoy eating, I buy it,” she explained. She said the other activities are domestic labor. “I do not have to do things to cater to him and serve him at all times to be kind and loving for him.”

There were some people who didn't get it.

Some people were so disgusted by Paige’s take that they suggested she should have never gotten married in the first place.

Someone wrote, “Sounds like there is no love in your relationship.”

Another person balked at the idea of her gifting her husband instead of completing chores. “Buying things is easy,” they wrote. “Doing acts requires you to do something. Good luck.” Very nice-nasty.

There were more women who said they're living the same way and don't regret it.

Thankfully, there were far more women who agreed with Paige and are taking a similar approach in their own lives.

One woman shared she is often met with a similar backlash. “I am exactly the same way and you wouldn’t believe how many WOMEN clutch their pearls and ask me what I bring to the table,” she commented.

Another said taking on these types of duties can affect other parts of the marriage as well. “Parentifying your spouse is such a turn off,” another TikToker said.

We totally agree. Raising four children and working full time is more than enough responsibility.