Let's talk about having a stepchild, shall we? A lot of the time, you end up loving that child as your own. The child becomes an essential part of your family, and you're happy to help to raise the child in a loving, supportive home.
Now, enter your sister. She doesn't think of your stepdaughter as part of her family and is doing her best to exclude her from her wedding, even though your biological daughter is invited. A man recently posted in Reddit's AITA forum with this exact dilemma.
The original poster told his sister that if his stepdaughter wasn't invited to the wedding, then no one in his family would be attending. He's getting heat from his family now. They think he's being a total jerk, and he wants to know if he's wrong or if he should stand his ground.
OP loves his wife and his two daughters equally.
OP and his wife met two and a half years ago and married seven months ago. They each brought a daughter into the family. OP's 6-year-old daughter, Alicia, and his wife's 14-year-old daughter, Marissa, complete the family of four. Sure, they have had their issues. What family doesn't? But now things feel really good.
"So while there were some issues at first we've gotten really close. Plus Alicia completely loves and looks up to her big sister," OP explained.
A family wedding is coming up.
OP's sister, May, is engaged and planning her wedding. OP is going to be the best man. The wedding is supposed to be child-free, except for nieces and nephews. Alicia is even going to be a flower girl.
It's an exciting time — or at least it was until May decided to exclude Marissa from the celebration. She's the only niece that's not invited, and OP thinks it's hurtful to his family.
"I understand not having Marissa in the wedding party, but having all the cousins but Marissa at the wedding isn't right. I tried to talk to May about it, but it's gone poorly," OP explained.
His sister is a real snot to Marissa.
No, Marissa is not a part of the biological family, but she is a member of OP's family nonetheless. Despite that, May has said some hurtful things.
"She thinks it's fine, that Marissa doesn't have a role so [there's] no reason to bring her, that she doesn't want more children at the wedding, that she 'barely knows' Marissa so it's 'not the same' as Alicia."
Yikes, May. She's a kid. You're being mean to a kid. And also, she's not exactly a little kid who might be disruptive at the wedding. She's a teenager who's not likely to cause any issues.
OP is not willing to bend on having Marissa at the wedding.
OP is being a good dad and standing up for his daughter. He wants her to celebrate with the rest of the family, and he has told May as much. OP isn't totally unreasonable and says he can see May's side, but Marissa is important to him.
"So it would be me, Nat and Alicia there, as well as all the cousins, but Marissa has to stay home. While I can kind of see where she's coming from, I don't agree at all," OP wrote. "I told May that if she excludes Marissa, Alicia, and I won't be coming. She's furious about me not supporting her, losing the flowergirl and best man and thinks I'm being selfish."
Now things are a mess with the family.
Of course, his parents and other siblings are involved, because, you know … family. According to everyone else, May is right and OP is being unreasonable. This should be May's decision, and he needs to respect that, they claim.
"I've made so much progress trying to show Marissa that she's family, that she's loved, and I'm not going to let them treat her like an outsider," OP wrote. Now he wonders if he is wrong to not support his sister.
A child-free wedding is totally acceptable.
Redditors agree that it is fine to have a child-free wedding. Making exceptions for nieces and nephews is fine. Singling out one kid is a big nope.
One Redditor called May the jerk. "'No children' is fine. 'No children except nieces and nephews' is fine but 'no children except nieces and nephews but not including that one' is ridiculously arbitrary and just plain nasty," read the comment.
"Your sister is being unreasonable. 14 is an odd age to include in the wedding party and she sorta has a point that it's a newer relationship, but at the very least Marissa should attend the wedding," someone else wrote. "It isn't truly childfree, so excluding one and only one niece is just mean. If your sister was supportive and a nice person, she'd find some way to include her."
People are standing by OP; these are both his daughters, not just Alicia.
"If there are going to be other children attending (under 18, say) then singling out Marissa as the only child not invited is cruel. The optics are especially horrible if the bride wants to use Marissa's sister Alicia as the flowergirl," one person wrote. "Props to you for sticking up for a 14yo child, instead of bowing to the demands of an unkind bride. Lord help the world if she decides to have children. NTA to stay home with BOTH your children, OP."
Marissa is not going anywhere.
OP's family needs to understand that Marissa is here to stay. When he and his wife married, they blended families, and OP's family should respect that.
"You've explained that you are not attending if you can only bring one of your children to a 'childfree' wedding that has a lot of children running around. That your sister 'barely knows' Marissa says more about your sister than your stepdaughter," one Redditor noted. "Personally I'd tell your entire family that your not attending the wedding and that if they don't start treating Marissa as your child, then they'll 'barely know' either of your children going forward."
People fully support OP and Marissa and empathize with his situation.
"Marissa is under your roof and very much your family," one commenter shared. "I would die on this hill, have died on this hill, and I have an amazing blended family to prove it."
Someone else suggested this is a chance for Marissa to learn an important lesson about adults.
"NTA. And this is something you should fight for. Marissa needs to see the adults in her life standing up for her. She's part of your family," the person wrote. "It's unacceptable for anyone to be excluding her. If you don't stand up for her she's going to know there are situations where you agree that she's not welcome because she's not 'real family.'"
Hey, May — you are the queen of the jerks.
Redditors agree that May is just being mean.
"NTA and good for you for standing up for Marissa. It seems pretty apparent to me that May is purposely excluding Marissa," one person wrote.
Another person wanted May to take a hike.
"NTA OP and good for for sticking up for your step daughter. Too many step parents treat the children like second class citizens," the person wrote. "If your family is ok with May excluding Marissa then I say good riddance. At 14 Marissa is old enough to know she's being excluded and be devastated by it."
One reader pointed out something important about May and OP: They each have power over their own destinies.
"Marissa isn't a child, but a teen capable of behaving and not being disruptive. And you are correct that May can make her decisions and so can you," the person explained. "It is great you are putting your family first. Everyone draws lines and accepts the consequences. Stay strong."
OP, you are a model stepparent for defending a child you love. Hopefully your sister will come around and see how important Marissa is to you. If not, she'll have a lot to reflect on when she looks at her wedding album someday.
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