Losing a loved one is devasting. When a tragic accident occurs, and the death is unexpected, it can be even more heartbreaking. There are no words to heal the heart. Only time makes things better. If you're lucky enough to have something special or sentimental left behind by your loved one to remember them, it can help you heal.
A woman was 15 weeks pregnant with her son when her fiancé, the child's father, was in a car crash and died from his injuries. She was understandably saddened by the loss, and hurt for her son, who would never know his father. He was not a man who held on to many things, but he did pick out her wedding dress.
She decided to have it preserved for her son in the future. Now, her sister wants to wear it at her wedding, but that's not happening. The woman posted in Reddit's AITA forum to ask what Redditors think about the argument and whether she was justified in telling her no.
The dress is all she has left.
The original poster doesn't have many things to remember her fiancé by, and it has always bothered her that she didn't have something for her son.
"The only thing I have is my dress," she wrote. "It's not traditional, but he picked the wedding dress. We saw it when we were at a second hand shop looking for cheap furniture. He said that when he imagined our wedding, he imagined me in a dress like that one. My mother in law had it preserved for me after his funeral and I decided that when my child got old enough, it would be theirs."
She explained that her baby was a boy, and while she wasn't sure he would ever wear it, she wanted it for him just in case.
Now the woman's little sister wants her to say 'yes' to letting her wear the dress.
OP's sister, Faith, is now 25 and engaged. Her wedding is in the fall, and she hoped that OP would let her wear her dress. OP explained that the dress was preserved for her son for the future, and she couldn't wear it. Faith argued that OP is disrespecting her fiancé by letting the dress collect dust. OP stood her ground and ended up hanging up on her sister.
Now their mom is involved and siding with Faith. She told OP that Faith had her heart set on that dress and she should give it to her.
"I said that I'd be willing to go dress shopping with her and we can have a special moment then, but my mother told me that I'm being selfish and that I should be happy that someone will actually get to walk down the aisle in my dress. Still though, I told her I wasn't changing my mind," OP explained.
Now everyone is mad, and OP wonders if she is being unkind to her sister.
OP doesn't have to give Faith anything.
Sure, they are sisters, but that doesn't mean that OP owes it to Faith to give her the dress. Redditors made some valid points about OP's decision.
One commenter suggested a way for the OP to approach the issue with her sister: "That would actually be a fantastic point to make to the sister. 'If you wear my dress, what would you have to pass down to your child for their wedding?' If she wants something meaningful, she needs a dress she can pass on."
"I fear that if you were to give into your sister's demands, the second you hand it to her, the likelihood of you seeing it again, would be slim," someone else wrote. "She would claim it as hers, and that she would want to pass down to her kids. Your sister also most likely doesn't want it for sentimental reasons, but to get a free dress. Your family is being heartless."
"The sister is so entitled and self-centered, who would be heartless enough to want the one physical belonging OP can pass down???" another comment reads.
And what about OP's son? That is the only thing she has to give him from his dad.
Maybe Faith doesn't realize it, but OP's dress is sentimental because her son's dad picked it out for her. It was an expression of love that she wanted her son to see. Faith shouldn't take that from him.
"There's other things he might want to do with it too," a Redditor suggested. "Make a family photo album or scrap book, of his dad, his dad's side, his family to pass down to his children."
"You bought the dress – you are free to do with it what you want," another person noted. "If you want to save it for your son (or his future partner) you can do that. I actually think that's a lovely idea."
"NTA Your sister and mom are incredibly entitled and huge AHs for trying to pressure you about the dress," a commenter wrote. "Faith can get her own dress! While your son may not wear the dress, he may someday have a fiancée who does. And even if the dress is never worn, you have a perfect right to hold on to this precious memento of your late fiancé. How cruel of your family to put you in this stressful position."
This isn't about Faith's feelings.
Maybe she has tunnel vision because of her wedding planning, but Faith doesn't appear to see her sister's side of things at all, which is a shame.
OP, Redditors don't think you are obligated to do anything for anyone else. It is your dress, and you do what you want to do. Your son will undoubtedly appreciate your and his dad's loving gesture and gift one day.
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