There are lots of good reasons to make someone a bridesmaid. Maybe it's a childhood best friend. Maybe it's a college roommate or a cousin or the groom's sister. All of those make sense. And yes, people often expect that a bride will make her own sister a bridesmaid — but we're going to take a stand here. If someone, anyone, helped wreck a bride's previous engagement by sleeping with her fiancé, that should 100% result in an immediate deletion from the "possible bridesmaids" list. One bride-to-be is facing a nightmare of a wedding situation, thanks to a problematic sibling, and she wrote to an advice columnist to provide some perspective.
The stage for the current situation actually was set years ago.
Confused? OK, let's break down this story (coming to us from our friends at Dear Prudence) a little bit.
The story begins for the letter writer (we'll call her "Bride") years ago when she was engaged for the first time. She was on the way to the altar when she found out that her 19-year-old sister (we'll call her "Sister") was sleeping with her groom-to-be. According to Bride, Sister had been sending her fiancé sexy texts and flirting with him for two years, since she was only 17 years old (yikes!), and claimed that she'd been "seduced" by the fiancé. Can we say yikes again? Because YIKES.
Long story short, Bride ended her engagement, had a major blowout battle with her sister, and "the fight ended up putting a permanent estrangement between us and a hard one between my parents and me."
The good news is that Bride is engaged again. The bad news? Enter her sister.
Time has passed and maybe healed some wounds, and Bride is now happily "engaged to a wonderful man who adores me."
We love a second chance at love, so that's good news! But, as Bride explained, finding a new love doesn't mean she's willing to open her heart all the way back up to her sister.
"As a gesture, I invited my sister to the wedding but did not include her in the wedding party," she wrote. "My sister took personal offense that I didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid. She called me up and told me it was time I acted like an adult and let bygones be bygones."
So if anyone is looking to borrow some audacity, Sister seems to have plenty to go around!
Bride is just not having it.
Bride was hilariously blunt in the face of her sibling's nerve, stating, "She claimed she deserved to be a bridesmaid since she’s my only sister. I asked her if she had a head injury because that was the only excuse for her actions."
Now time has passed, but Bride is all about the healthy boundaries, saying that even though she "got angry and did the entire song and dance about being just a 'kid' back then," she told her that "she could attend or not but that was the end of the subject."
That seems super reasonable to almost everyone involved, including Bride's new fiancé, but note that we said almost everyone.
Things always get weird when parents start choosing sides.
In the face of the ridiculous demand from her sister, Bride made a reasonable choice: "I have since rescinded my sister’s invitation permanently. My fiancé fully supports me and so do many members of my extended family."
But, well, then there are Bride's parents. Sister went "whining to our parents and our extended family. Our parents are the only ones on her side."
Now, instead of trying to focus on the bride-to-be vibes, Bride is dealing with a major guilt trip: "I am worried about my parents. They are circling around my sister protectively and argue with me every chance they get."
She's even worried her parents might not come to the wedding at all.
With the wedding coming up, the sister being a giant crybaby, and the parents on the fence, what does Dear Prudence suggest Bride should do?
Welcome back to the wonderful world of having boundaries! Prudie wrote, "The basic fact is that you don’t have to invite anyone to your wedding if you don’t want them there, your sister included. And you certainly don’t have to put her into your wedding party."
And as for the parents? They are way out of pocket, according to Prudie: "Your parents’ inability or unwillingness to see how her actions have harmed you is confounding."
If Bride was looking for a reality check that she wasn't crazy, the comments section had her back.
"I don't think the 'she was 17' would matter much to me. Your sister deliberately chased your BF/fiance, taking you down in the process. It was pure competition to be cruel to you. I'd say she showed you who she is right there. Now that she's reminding you who she is with this wedding BS, take the opportunity to set the estrangement in stone. She brings nothing to the table that you want at your party," declared one harsh, but totally fair commenter.
In the letter, Bride also shared that she is pregnant, leading one commenter to remark, "I'm so petty that if I were the bride, I would let me parents skip the wedding to coddle my sister, then announce my pregnancy at the wedding they didn't attend."
We're kind of here for that burn it all down approach! But let's end this recap of a sister with too much nerve and a bride with annoying parents with the reminder that nobody has a divine right to be a bridesmaid!
Though maybe Bride should make Sister one and put her in the ugliest dress imaginable? Now there's a plan …
