As we are little girls and become women, we are taught that boys and men are sexual predators. They chase and we run. They say yes and we’re supposed to say no. We are taught to be fearful of sex and embrace chastity because chaste equals respectable in the eyes of society, if you are a female. If you’re a male, you are encouraged to conquer all women within eyesight. But who exactly are they supposed to be “conquering” when all the little girls are being taught to save themselves for marriage, that sex is for procreation, and that good girls say no?
Well, I’m here to tell you that good girls do have sex and they enjoy it. Women are just as sexual as men and, in some cases, even more so. The difference is that girls are taught to be chaste and reserved about sex while boys are encouraged to be sexually free and adventurous. How exactly is that supposed to add up to a society of sexually satisfied adults? That’s the real conundrum.
This leads to women being shamed and having all kinds of preconceived notions about their own sexual behavior.
Women are often left feeling like they did something wrong because they want to be sexually adventurous, have multiple partners or, heaven forbid, masturbate. It leads to guilt and sexual repression and a whole group of adults who are missing out on having fulfilling sexual relationships with their partners. It’s definitely a recipe for disaster for women’s sexuality.
Do you know there are women out there who’ve never even experienced an orgasm and don’t even complain because they think sex is for men? Silly ladies, orgasms are for everyone. If your partner can’t give you one vaginally, instruct them to try clitorally and don’t be afraid of playing around and trying new things. Get out of your head and out of your own way. All of these outdated, chauvinistic, preconceived notions about sexuality are literally sabotaging your sex life.
To be part of the solution, as a society we should raise our girls to love themselves, embrace their sexuality, respect themselves, set boundaries and not be afraid to ask for and receive pleasure from their partner. Sex is not shameful or dirty. It is beautiful and magical if you’re doing it right. But it can also be quick and functional.
The thing is that sex should not be a punishment but a privilege between two consenting adults. It doesn’t always have to be about love, sometimes it’s just physical and as long as both people know that’s all it is, that too can be magical in its own way. So stop worrying about what anyone else thinks and unleash your inner sexual being.
Don't believe me? Well don't just take my word for it…
These are just some of the benefits of a good sex life for women:
- Lowers stress
- Boosts immune system
- Lowers blood pressure
- Strengthens pelvic floor
- Improves cardiovascular health
- Better sleep
- Increased libido
- Protects your brain
- Creates intimacy
- Burns calories
My parents taught me nothing about sex.
My mom told me it would hurt and my dad told me simply not to do it until I was married. That was it. I had to learn on my own. By doing this, they made me internalize that sex was naughty, forbidden, painful, dirty, and shameful.
By the time I had the courage to finally have sex, I had a really hard time letting go and getting outside of my head when I was in the moment. I had a million thoughts of what my family and friends would think if they knew what I was doing. It felt like I was doing something wrong and that made it almost impossible to enjoy it.
It took me some time…
… but after doing it for a while, living away from home, letting go of some of those scare tactics and escaping the sexual fearmongering my strict Catholic parents had instilled in me, I began to listen to my body’s wants and needs and stopped feeling guilty about feeling sexual.
This is when I realized that I didn’t even need a man to satisfy my sexual urges, there are toys and gadgets aplenty. Masturbating is not just for teenage boys and grown men living in their mom’s basements; college girls, married moms and grandmas and all women in between, we’ve got needs and vibrators have come a long way. I mean there are some that even perform oral sex while penetrating you. Don't you deserve to feel that good?
This is what I am teaching my daughters through open and honest conversations about everything, since they were young. I’ve always answered any questions they’ve asked and encouraged them to be curious. It’s my job as their mother to give them all the tools they’ll need to live and thrive in the world and that goes beyond just the mechanics of relationships.
There’s more to sex than just missionary, sex does not always equal love, self-pleasure is a form of self-love and enjoying sex is just as important for women as it is for men.
We should all be taught equally that sex is good and feels amazing if you do it when you want to with who you want to.
It’s OK for women to initiate sex and it’s OK to say no, too. Ladies, you don’t owe anybody sex. Sex shouldn’t feel like a chore and there are no rules. Do what feels good, is agreed upon by consenting adults and is mostly legal.
Openly talking about women’s sexual health early and often and encouraging young women (and older women too) to express their sexuality in a way that is satisfying to them, rather than according to what society has said is right, would be better for all women. We need to start by teaching our daughters at a young age that sex is not shameful. It’s can be beautiful, it can be fun and it can be liberating. We all just need to listen to our own inner self.
*Disclaimer: The advice on CafeMom.com is not a substitute for consultation with a medical professional or treatment for a specific condition. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem without consulting a qualified professional. Please contact your health-care provider with questions and concerns.
