Sex and parenting is hard. From legit medical obstacles to overcome, like waiting for a while after giving birth, to just being flat-out too tired to even think about being in the mood or doing anything else once the body hits that bed, there are lots of reasons that sex becomes a chore for some people in relationships. Honestly, even without kids it can become hard to connect after a while.
That being said, don't worry too much. It's such a common thing for people as they go through life, and for parents, especially. To help kickstart things again, we found lots of books that can help. Some lay it out pretty clearly either how to connect with a partner from a scientific perspective, or help facilitate that connection, emotionally and physically, through activities. There are some that even just have cool sex positions to try. So kick back, relax, and learn something from one or a few of these books, then try it out with your partner.
'The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts' by Gary Chapman
You may have heard about the 5 Love Languages already, but if not, think of them as the way to make a person feel the most loved and appreciated. Everyone feels such in different ways and this book: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman explains how to find out which kind you and your partner are so that you can each maximize the ways you show love to one another. In turn, your intimacy will increase.
'Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life' by Emily Nagoski PhD
Sex is all about the body, but it starts in the brain, which means science may be able to help. And that's the approach the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski PhD takes on to helping couples improve their sex lives. It's an Amazon #1 Bestseller and according to its description, includes "new information and advanced research, demystifying and decoding the science of sex so that everyone can create a better sex life and discover more pleasure."
'Date Night In: A Journal for Couples Spark Conversation & Connection' by Lisa Nola
Some couples need more action than reading and this book helps with that because it's more of a journal. Date Night In: A Journal for Couples Spark Conversation & Connection by Lisa Nola helps couples connect by having them answer and try different prompts in the book, like "favorite memories" and "what I love about you" to "first impressions of each other."
Intimacy Deck
$25
from
Best Self Co.
Going off of the idea that actions tend to speak louder than just words, we decided to include this game called Intimacy Deck on this book list. It's not a book, but each card does require some reading. It's a great compromise if reading chapters doesn't work for one or both parties. The deck includes 150 prompts to keep things deep but also sexy.
'Position of the Day: Sex Every Day in Every Way' by Nerve.com, Emma Taylor, Lorelei Sharkey
$10
from
Barnes & Noble
This book is pretty straightforward in the ways that it can help couples become closer, literally. Position of the Day: Sex Every Day in Every Way is a fun way to try something new with a partner because you each are encouraged to try a new position each day. Doing anything every day is bound to create a habit which is good news for those looking to have more sex.
'Integrative Sex & Couples Therapy' by Tammy Nelson (Editor)
$35
from
Barnes & Noble
For couples who like the idea of a professional guiding them through becoming more intimate, but want access to this guidance any time, Integrative Sex & Couples Therapy: A Therapist's Guide to New and Innovative Approaches is the book to get. Written by a therapist and sexologist, it "brings treatment skills into practice, with real-world experiences, interventions, techniques, strategies, and case examples."
'Dirty Talk: Learn to Speak the Language of Lust' By Lynne Stanton
$11
from
Vital Source
Dirty talk isn't something that is only for horny teenagers. It's a great technique to get yourself and your partner turned on. There's no doubt about this book's approach. It can be a bit awkward if each person isn't used to doing it, which is why Dirty Talk comes in handy. It's geared toward women but anyone can get something out of it.
'7 Steps to Pain-Free Sex' by Claudia Amherd
Sometimes a connection or attraction to one's sexual or life partner isn't the issue when it comes to a stifled or nonexistent sex life. There are medical conditions that can prevent couples from getting pleasure out of the experience, even if they really want to have it. 7 Steps to Pain-Free Sex walks readers through ways to work up to having fun and pain-free sex.
'Let's Get Naked: The Sexy Activity Book for Couples'
$5
from
ThriftBooks
We love a good sex activity book and turns out there are some good ones out there, including this one: Let's Get Naked. A Sex Activity Book for Couples. It's a fun little tool to help kickstart sexy time, featuring "games, quizzes, challenges and other fun stuff" to, as the book description says, "spice up your sex life."
'Hot Sexy, Dirty, Sex Tips: A Sexual Self Help Book' by Miss MiMi Jeune
$11
from
Barnes & Noble
This sex self-help book, while a self-help book, is anything but boring. It's actually the opposite and will try to help make your sex life the opposite, too. Hot Sexy, Dirty, Sex Tips: A Sexual Self Help Book by Miss MiMi Jeune is based on "a survey of 200 sexually active and adventurous couples" and features 10 chapters of "porn star approved" sex tips."
'Rekindle Intimacy in Marriage: 6 Proven Tips' by Taylor Snow
The book Rekindle Intimacy In Marriage: 6 Proven Tips by Taylor Snow tackles the issue of intimacy in marriage at the core. It's straightforward: There are 6 tips the book walks readers through to help make it happen, including telling readers the No. 1 quality of a successful marriage and providing a workbook to put it into practice.
'The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment' by Jack Morin, PhD
The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment is a book based on the analysis of 1,000 couples analyzed by sex therapist Jack Morin, PhD. It is touted as "a breakthrough exploration of the least understood dimensions of human sexuality — the psychology of desire, arousal, and fulfillment." It's a way to look at sex in new ways.
'Sex Positions for Every Body' by Dr. Jill McDevitt
$15
from
The Sexologist
Sex shouldn't be a chore. It should be fun, and it should be something both people can work at together. That's why trying new sex positions are a great way to guide couples into intimacy and finding positions that work for them. Dr. Jill McDevitt's book Sex Positions for Every Body "clears the confusion about the clitoris, get the 411 on foreplay, and (helps couples) enjoy a fun and frank guide to improving your sex skills."
'101 Nights of Great Sex' by Laura Corn
A few nights of great sex are, well, great, but what about 101? That's the promise of 101 Nights of Great Sex, secret-sealed seductions for fun-loving couples by Laura Corn. Every one of the 101 nights comes with sealed instructions — 50 for men and 50 for women — to each do, along with one set of instructions for the couple. There's plenty of tips, too.
'Sex Happens: The Gay Man's Guide to Creative Intimacy' by Arlen Keith Leight, PhD
Couples or partners of all orientations and sexualities deserve to have good sex. For gay men, the most common types of self-help books may not apply to them. That's where Sex Happens: The Gay Man's Guide to Creative Intimacy by Arlen Keith Leight, PhD, comes in. According to the description, "Think of it as months of working with a clinical sex therapist, but without having to pay for the weekly sessions."
'Guide To Getting It On Unzipped' by Paul Joannides Psy.D (Author), Daerick Gröss Sr. (Illustrator)
There are different kinds of books, some have more words than pictures and some have more pictures than words. Both can be useful, especially when it comes to steaming up a couple's sex life. *Guide To Getting It On Unzipped* by Paul Joannides Psy.D and Daerick Gröss Sr. gives sex tips in both forms. With almost all five-star reviews on Amazon, it's a fun and recommended read.
'Little Moments of Love' by Catana Chetwynd
You might recognize those comics outlining different sweet couple moments from seeing them being shared on Facebook or Instagram. There's a whole book of those doodles called Little Moments of Love by Catana Chetwynd that, according to its description, is "a sweet collection of comics about the simple, precious, silly, everyday moments that make up a relationship."
'She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman' by Ian Kerner
We hate to say it, but many times, sex is good one for party and not the other because only one person really cares about being pleasured, and not really tuning into what the other needs. She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman by Ian Kerner tries to remedy that with the male perspective. Amazon calls it "an indispensable aid to a healthier, more fulfilling sex life for her and him."
'Art of Seduction' by Robert Greene
The Art of Seduction is a phrase, but also the name of the book that tries to help couples understand it. The main idea is to teach people how to have control, and turn another person on, which we're all for as long as couples have an understanding that it's to help connect with the other person, especially if that's the kind of play they enjoy. It incudes 24 "maneuvers and strategies of the seductive process."
'A Practical Guide to Sex: Finally, Helpful Sex Advice!' by Justin Hancock and Meg-John Barker
When all else fails, sometimes it pays off to go with the obvious, like this book that has a title that is well, obvious. A Practical Guide to Sex: Finally, Helpful Sex Advice! by Justin Hancock and Meg-John Barker. According to Bookshop, the book, written by a writer and academic specialising in sex and relationships and a sex educator, teaches couples how to "challenge the messages we receive about 'normal' sex; look at how to understand and care for yourself; delve into ideas of pleasure for different bodies, ages and tastes; explore relationships; and tackle the tricky topics of communication and consent."
*Disclaimer: The advice on CafeMom.com is not a substitute for consultation with a medical professional or treatment for a specific condition. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem without consulting a qualified professional. Please contact your health-care provider with questions and concerns.
