I’ll be the first to admit that I used to get a little jealous seeing women in porn or on television who could bounce from one earthshaking orgasm to another. Sure, they may have been acting (and I don’t suggest basing your sexual expectations on porn), but my sex life at the time was stale and I was desperate for a change.
It’s hard enough for moms to find the time for one orgasm, let alone multiple. As a sex therapist, when I bring this up with clients, their response is usually something like, “Aliyah, you’re kidding. It’s hard enough for me to cum once.” After a few weeks or months of practice, though, they can’t stop raving about how their sex lives have done a complete 180.
Before we dive into that, there are a few assumptions that apply to every method. First, couples who communicate always have better sex lives than those who don’t. Let your partner know what you’re trying to do and how you’re trying to do it so they can get in sync with you.
Second, it’s important to leave room for error. You should expect to work on multiple orgasms for a while before seeing results, but every woman is different. Don’t measure your success based on anyone else’s results, and accept that some things that work for others won’t work for you — and vice versa.
Tone Your Pelvic Muscles
Kegels, Kegels, Kegels — I can’t recommend them enough. They’re the world’s easiest exercise and the benefits are tremendous. If you aren’t familiar with Kegels, the concept is pretty simple.
Flex your pelvic floor muscles as if you’re trying to hold in gas. Hold this flex and inhale deeply for a few seconds, then release for a few seconds as you exhale. Repeat this 10 times in the morning, midday, and night.
When it comes to Kegels, more isn’t always better. Don’t strain too hard and don’t add more repetitions. Talk to your doctor if you experience any pain whatsoever. On a related note, you should see a pelvic floor specialist if you have consistent pain, urinary issues, or difficulty reaching orgasm. If you have an underlying medical issue that’s preventing you from climaxing, then some of these tips may not help.
Kegels are great for your partner, too. If they have a penis, Kegels can give them harder erections and more control over ejaculations. This can lead to longer sexual sessions, giving them more pleasure and giving you more time to reach your orgasms.
You can even practice Kegels during sex, and some women find that flexing their pelvic floor near orgasm can intensify the sensation, make it last longer, and even lead to multiple orgasms.
Solo Pleasure Improves Partnered Pleasure
Not only does masturbation feel amazing, but it gets you in touch with your body and sexuality. As you experiment, you’ll learn more ways to reach orgasm.
Over one-third of women who masturbate can reach a second orgasm less than a minute after their first, and most women climax faster when they masturbate.
Orgasms involve muscle contractions, and masturbation normalizes these contractions and trains your muscles to accomplish them more easily. It’s almost like a form of muscle memory and essentially means that the more orgasms you have, the easier it will be to have them.
Switch It Up
Women’s bodies are so beautiful and complex that we can have different types of orgasms — as many as 12 according to some research.
No route to orgasm is as reliable as stimulating the clitoris, but it can become uncomfortably sensitive after reaching climax. Some women push through this hypersensitivity to more orgasms, and if you want to do that you absolutely should.
For others, the clit needs a break after round one. Once our partners find one way to make us orgasm, they often get tunnel vision and neglect other areas. Keep the heat on by guiding their hands, lips, and tongue to your other erogenous zones. This could mean your neck, breasts, thighs, perineum (the area between your vagina and your anus), and more.
This can also mean changing the tempo from fast to slow, positions from top to bottom, or vice versa. Riding your partner to a leg-numbing climax and then pulling them on top of you for slow, deep, passionate stimulation can send our pleasure centers to the moon.
Switching straight from clit to G-spot stimulation is another way to chain orgasms for many women. Each one of us is different, and you’re the only one who knows what will work for you. Some of us just need a break before diving back into clitoral stimulation, and that’s OK, too.
Take Your Time
Sex is as much about the journey as it is the destination, so don’t always rush to orgasm as soon as you can. Edging is one way to practice achieving orgasm without going all the way.
Edging is when you bring yourself to the brink of orgasm and then stop completely, letting your body settle back down until you’re ready to do it again. Many people love this experience, while some can’t stand the wait.
For women who want multiple orgasms, edging has the unique effect of training your body to stay in a heightened state of pleasure. This can make it easier to have multiple orgasms since your body is used to staying at that level.
Edging doesn’t work for everyone, so don’t worry if it’s not the right fit for you. If you notice negative feelings or disinterest in sex after edging, then there’s no reason to keep trying it.
Don’t Be Afraid to Use Toys!
For you and your partner, toys can be the difference between good sex and mind-blowing sex. Some of us have been conditioned to feel like using toys means that we’re either too hard to please or not good enough in bed to make our partner orgasm.
That’s not true! Our bodies are made for reproduction more than they are for giving pleasure. Besides, while I always advocate working on your sexuality, sometimes moms don’t have the time and need pleasure ASAP.
Toys — especially vibrators — are a great shortcut to sexual ecstasy. Using them on the clitoris, perineum, anus, or penis can feel euphoric. If you feel like it’s difficult or impossible to orgasm without your vibrator, that’s OK! Masturbation, Kegels, and switching up your orgasms all help work on this over time, but there’s no harm in using a vibrator — you deserve to climax however you can.
If your partner has a penis, a penis sleeve can help them last longer. It can also give you two a little extra size to try new positions. Some models even vibrate, supercharging pleasure for both of you.
The world of sex toys is only limited by your imagination, and even minimal use can help you achieve multiple orgasms and find new ways to do so.
Be Proactive With Your Orgasm Triggers
Orgasm triggers aren’t necessarily limited to sexual stimulation. Do your toes curl when you orgasm? Does your breathing turn to heavy panting? Do you instinctively grab your partner and sink your fingers into their back when you climax?
Do these things when you’re close or almost close to another orgasm. Your brain already associates these behaviors with sexual release, so doing them lets it know that it’s time to cum again.
Things to Remember
Your body is unique, and there’s none other quite like it in the world. It’s OK if it takes time to reach multiple orgasms or if some tips don’t work for you. Ultimately, each of us takes our own path to sexual satisfaction.
But don’t get discouraged if it takes a while. It’s physically possible for you to have multiple orgasms, and you will get there if you keep trying.
Don’t forget that partnered sex takes at least two people, and the better you communicate with each other, the better it’s going to be. If the learning curve is a bit steep for them, it doesn’t mean your sex life is a failure and it doesn’t mean you can’t make it work. Learning about your partner's sexual needs and desires will improve sexual quality for you as much as it will for them.
Our sexualities change throughout our lives. It’s a journey that never ends, so never be afraid to do more research or reach out to a sex therapist if you want to learn more.
