Wedding Planner Shares Her ‘Controversial’ Take on Wedding Gifts & Divides TikTok

@melissaandre/TikTok

Weddings are a time for love and celebration. But something about persuading a large group of people to do anything can be anywhere from tricky to troublesome. One veteran wedding planner hopped on TikTok to answer an often-asked question about wedding gifts and how much we should be spending on them.

As you know, any time money is involved there are expectations, questions, and even controversy, and the planner's answer caused quite the stir.

The wedding planner says when it comes to gifts, always consider your financial position first.

Wedding planner Melissa Andre prefaced her video saying she had some unpopular opinions about the topic. First, she advised people to consider their financial position. After that, she says to consider how close you are to the couple. For instance, Melissa says she has a twin brother and she would give him the "last dollar" in her bank account, but wouldn’t necessarily do that for others.

The average wedding gift is ...

Melissa says on average people are spending $100 on wedding gifts. Still, she says people should give what they can. “The couple getting married shouldn’t have an expectation of your gift and they shouldn’t be making plans with the money they haven’t even received yet,” she declares in the vid.

In fact, this is a bit of a pet peeve for Melissa. “When I hear couples talk about recouping the cost of their wedding from their guests, it makes me sick,” she continues, pointing out that guests are not there to pay for wedding bills or a honeymoon.

Melissa says guests are not patrons.

@melissaandre Stitch @lakenbanks_ final answer: the average $100 but you should always base it on what youre comfortable with. You shouldnt strain yourself economically. A thoughtful card is fine if thats where you are #weddingplanner #weddinggift #weddingregistry #weddingetiquette ♬ original sound - Melissa Andre I WeddingPlanner

Melissa said it’s never OK to make plans with other people’s money, and that she heard someone on TikTok compare being a wedding guest to being a restaurant patron. She believes it’s a false equivalency.

“They didn’t choose the menu. They didn’t choose the location. They didn’t choose the date. None of the choices are theirs. They’re there to celebrate you,” she points out.

Some disagreed.

Some people in the comments saw things differently. Someone argued that $100 was simply not enough in New Jersey.

"The gift is to help the couple with their new life,” one user wrote.

Another put even more blame on the guest: “Imagine putting newlyweds in debt. If you can’t afford to go – don’t. COVER YOUR PLATE plus $ gift.”

Others think the cover your plate rule is outdated.

Others sided with Melissa and said the cover your plate trend is outdated.

"Whatever YOU decided to spend on YOUR wedding has absolutely nothing to do with me," another user wrote.

Someone else had an even more outlandish suggestion: “The couples that want to recoup their costs should just sell tickets to their wedding at this point instead of expecting a $250 gift.” Melissa responded: “I always say this. Sell tickets. See who goes. The end. Lol no one complains.”