A woman feels entitled to compensation after she claims her ex-partner wasted years of her life. In a submission to The Telegraph‘s advice column, she explained that she was not married but was with her partner for 10 years and they were planning for their future together. They built their lives in a way that allowed her partner to focus on and prioritize his work. That way, when they had children, he would be able to support their family financially and she would be the primary carer.
So imagine her surprise when her 38-year-old partner suddenly left her because he’s not ready to have kids yet. Now she thinks her ex should cover the costs of IVF because he “stole [her] childbearing years.”
She’s 34 and really wants to be a mom.
After all the time she spent building a life with her partner, she feels robbed, in a way. After all, she made sacrifices thinking that they were on the same page, only for him to back out years later. The woman explained that she was always the one making sacrifices or compromising when they faced scheduling challenges. When her partner’s work got busy, she picked up extra work at home even though she also had a job.
She thinks this has left her in a “vulnerable” position. “Here I am at 34, eggs twitching, ready for the marriage and parenthood stage of life but unexpectedly single and emotionally devastated,” she wrote in her letter.
Part of the reason her ex left her is because ‘time is running out.’
Having children has always been a priority for the woman, and her partner knew that. He left her, in part, because he would still prefer to focus on his career, and he knows that she wanted to start a family.
But because she’s 34, the woman is concerned about how long it might take her to find a suitable partner to have children with. After an unexpected breakup, she’s not exactly in a position to immediately start dating again. Because of this, she’s thinking about IVF, but it’s expensive.
“Given I desperately want to be a mother and time is running out, I am looking into IVF so I can preserve my chances while I am still fertile. It is expensive. I think he should pay,” she stated in her letter.
Unsurprisingly, her ex does not think he should pay.
Based on how she described it, it sounds like she’s already discussed this idea with her ex, and it didn’t exactly go over super well. “He does not agree that he has any obligation to help with the financial burden of extending my childbearing capabilities even though he has always known how important it is to me to have children,” she wrote.
But still, she told the columnist that can’t help but feel like he “should have some responsibility” for “the damage to our plans caused by his change of heart and broken promises.”
The columnist understood her perspective.
Columnist Sam Secomb responded with empathy and understanding. Secomb could understand why the end of the relationship was “emotionally devastating” while also feeling like “theft of time, opportunity and security.” Unfortunately, though, according to the law, the woman’s ex doesn’t owe her anything for “the years of emotional or practical support [she] gave in service of [their] shared plans.”
Secomb acknowledged that it can feel “desperately unfair,” but “the legal system will not force him” to pay for IVF.
