Getting along with your in-laws is a blessing. Many people don't have that, so you should feel pretty lucky if you are close with yours. Even though relationships don't always last, in-laws can remain close after marriage. It may cause trouble, but those bonds can be hard to break, and sometimes, people just don't want to let go.
A man's son got married super young and had two kids right off the bat. Even though this dad warned him not to dive in so quickly, he did, and sadly, the relationship didn't last. His son moved on quickly, devasting his ex-wife and their two small children.
The dad recently posted in Reddit's AITA forum because his son jumped into another relationship that he doesn't support and, instead, he's siding with his former daughter-in-law. Is he wrong for protecting the mother of his grandkids while his son is making more bad decisions?
Things weren't great from the start.
The original poster explained that even though he discouraged it, his son and DIL were only 19 when they married and 20 when they had their first child. A mere 16 months later, another baby came along, and trouble started. OP's DIL seemed depressed all the time, and OP became her confidant. He explained that while there are two sides to every story, he tended to believe her.
"I sat my son down numerous times to speak with him regarding his marriage," he wrote. "He refused to take responsibility, blamed her for everything even when I directly pointed out where he was the sole problem."
After counseling, the couple divorced, and OP's son moved on super fast. He left his ex-wife with their two kids and nothing else. OP and his wife helped her financially so that she could get on her feet, but kept it from his son.
All of a sudden, OP's son is getting married again.
Before the divorce was even finalized, OP and his wife got an invitation to his son's second wedding. OP told him that he was in no way going to support this marriage or attend a wedding. This caused a fight between OP and his wife, who felt he was acting terribly toward their son. OP's wife tried to get him and their daughter to attend, but they refused. Instead, they spent the evening with his former DIL because he knows how much she must have been hurting.
"The next morning, my son called to tell me how much of a horrible father I am for not attending his wedding. Few days later he caught wind that I spent the wedding evening with his ex. He said that was the ultimate form of betrayal, and further myself and his sister would have to earn an relationship with him on his terms only," he wrote.
Is he wrong for supporting someone he loves?
Redditors understand why OP feels the way that he does.
OP's former DIL is the mother of his grandkids, so it makes sense that he would feel close to her. He also knows his son and his tendency to be a jerk, so Redditors weren't so surprised with OP's decision.
"Your son is abusive, and I'm glad you've recognized that," a Redditor wrote. "Kudos to you for keeping a relationship with his ex and trying to help the grandkids. You may not like the new wife, but try to keep an eye on her if you can. He'll likely do this all over again. You may end up with more grandkids and another ex-DIL that needs your help."
"Coming from a perspective of a former DIL that had in laws still keep in touch with me because my ex pulled everything that you described of your son-plus so much more," someone noted, "I applaud your effort to keep a good relationship with her your 1st DIL. And your grandkids will be thankful for it too. My kiddo still visits those ex in-laws because they still make sure our relationship is strong even though my ex is long gone out of my life. NTA."
Some feel like OP's son is just a narcissist.
Plenty of Redditors feel like OP's son is the central problem, not his decision to stick up for his DIL.
One person commented: "Honestly, though. Why would anyone care to earn a relationship with someone who clearly puts no value on the relationships he already had? He didn't care when OP said from the get-go he wouldn't attend, because he just assumed he would get his way in the end. The only relationship this guy values is the relationship with that guy in the mirror."
"NTA," another person commented. "He wanted a trophy wife, immediately got into a relationship with another woman when he got divorced, and tried to manipulate both you and her. Unlike some comments that will undoubtedly come, the relationship you have with you ex DIL is yours, not dependant on him. Good for you for helping her out through this difficult time and for standing against the a h son."
Even though she went to the wedding, it seems that OP's wife is coming around. In an update, he wrote that she told him, "Your children have to be our number one priority."
That's right. They're not just some disposable items you can leave behind when one chapter of your life closes. Maybe one day, he'll understand this.
Good for you, OP. You've got your priorities right.
Redditors are definitely on OP's side on this one. They don't want his former DIL or grandchildren to have to go through any more pain. They feel OP's son was the a–hole and that he must reconcile all of this himself. Maybe someday he'll appreciate everything his parents did for the mother of his children. That is true love.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
