An anonymous man on Reddit says he's been stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to his wife and her two grown children. According to his post, he's been married for about five years and was more than happy that his wife's then-teenaged kids came to live with them. But fast-forward many years — and many bills — later, and he's really feeling the financial strain of four adults living under one roof. He decided to present his wife with an option: Either she get a job to contribute to household bills or her kids need to start paying rent.
Unfortunately, this conversation did not end well …
In the beginning, their arrangement wasn't a problem.
When they first got married, his wife shared joint custody with her ex, which meant that the kids weren't living with them full time. It also meant that his wife received child support payments that helped cover extra expenses.
But even so, the Reddit poster shared that he had to dip into his own savings just so they could afford things.
"When I was single, I could do my mortgage and bills fine on my own," he shared. "Post-marriage, everything but the mortgage has gone up, not including spending money for the kids and their extracurriculars."
That said, he didn't put any pressure on his wife to get a job.
"It was really important to my wife to be a stay-at-home mom until they graduated," he explained. "It was tight, but we made it work."
Now, the kids are 19 and 22, and the situation is a bit different.
"Jason (22) moved out after graduating high school to attend college out of state and when Carla (19) graduated last year, we agreed she could have one year to figure if she'd be moving out or applying to nearby schools," the man wrote.
At the moment, Carla's not working or in school. And as for Jason? He recently called his mom to ask if he could move back in.
"Few days ago, I go into the kitchen and my wife's on the phone with Jason and she told him that he was more than welcome to move back in and she was excited to see him when he got here," the Reddit poster relayed. "After she hung up, I told her that she should've run that by me first so we could discuss it."
He insists that he isn't actually opposed to the idea of Jason moving home.
Instead, he just feels like a few boundaries should be drawn and that Jason should know what he'll be expected to contribute if he does move back in.
But once he relayed this to his wife, she wasn't thrilled.
"She responded that she had always told her kids that they would always be welcomed home whenever they wanted, and not have to worry about expenses," he shared.
Unfortunately, this was when things got pretty awkward ...
"I told my wife that was really nice of her, but she made that arrangement with her ex-husband when they were married, she didn't make that arrangement with me," the OP wrote. "If Jason moved back in, he'd have to pay 'rent' to pitch in with groceries and utilities he'd be using and it probably should be the same for Carla so it's not one sibling paying while the other isn't."
His wife was floored.
"She said they're her kids and shouldn't have to pay to live at home, so I told her if she felt that strongly about her kids not pitching in now that they're adults, she could go back to work," the husband continued.
As you might imagine, this caused a MAJOR uproar.
In fact, the couple is still going back and forth over the whole thing, and due to the drama, his wife has even moved out of their bedroom and into Jason's old room. Even his in-laws have chimed in with their two cents, telling the poster that he "shouldn't be making 'kids' pay to live at home."
But despite all the pushback, the OP feels strongly that he's in the right.
"My whole thing is, they're not kids anymore," he wrote. "When they're 40, they'll still be her kids, but that doesn't mean treating them like minors. Especially if it means someone else footing all the bills."
Now, he's asking Reddit for opinions — and is getting a lot of feedback.
Most commenters have sided with the poster, assuring him that he's definitely not the a–hole in this situation.
"Your wife clearly does not want to, or intend to, ever work again," one person told him. "Insisting on being a stay-at-home mom while children are in high school is ridiculous, and they are years beyond graduation at this point."
The same user also noted it was "funny" how his stepkids' dad is somehow off the hook for child support now that they're older but that the poster is still expected to pay to support his kids.
"[Your wife is] also setting up a situation where it's going to be increasingly harder for her to earn a decent amount of money," another person pointed out. "It isn't right, but it's often much harder for people to get hired if they've been out of work for a long period of time."
"OP's wife and her kids need to grow up," added someone else. "Family stays free is a fine idea (except insofar as it might foster dependency and irresponsibility), but if it's not feasible — if it's resulting in a net decrease in marital assets every month — then the solution is either decrease expenses or increase household income and contribution."
In fact, a lot of people were pretty fired up over the wife's behavior.
Some even called her a "freeloader" and accused her of scamming him.
"OP's wife ran a baby trap on him 22 years after giving birth," one person wrote. "I'm impressed."
"She must be a good cook, or something, to bring two teens lock stock and barrel and refuse to work and support them at all," someone else chimed in.
(Yikes.)
According to a later comment from the husband, his wife has never really worked much.
"She had lived with her parents after their divorce and only worked part-time while [the kids] were at school," he shared. "Her parents are nice but bend over backward for her since she's the only one of their kids that had kids."
That said, he does defend her preference to be a SAHM when her kids were in their teens.
"She wanted to be there when they got home from school, keep giving them some stability of when she was married to her ex, and ensure she could make it to all of their sporting events," he shared.
"Her mom was also a stay-at-home the entire time she and her siblings were in school," he continued. "I had some friends growing up who had parents the same way, so it wasn't a concept I had never heard of."
He also pushed back on comments about his wife being a 'freeloader.'
"She does take care of the house during the daytime until I get home and pitch in," the OP insisted. "She will also babysit for some of her friends to help them save on childcare."
That said, he admits she doesn't get paid to watch any of her friends' kids, even though he's suggested she charge for her time.
The bottom line? The OP and his wife need to talk things out and get on the same page. At the very least, they need to compromise — whether the wife starts charging to babysit, applies for a part-time job, or bucks up and asks her kids to contribute.
Either way, the expenses are going to go up and they need to be covered — and right now, it's clear that the math isn't going to work on one salary alone.
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