SIL Calls Police on Mom for Dropping Her Kids at Her Place During Scheduled Babysitting

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Having kids is expensive, and it comes with a lot of planning and scheduling. We have to make sure we have a reliable day care or babysitting option for our kids so we can work if that's what we want or need to do. The job and babysitting have to line up and make sense financially because not all jobs pay enough to cover babysitting, let alone anything else. It's a huge bonus if we can find an arrangement with someone we trust and can afford. It's a large reason why many parents start their own babysitting co-op — trading babysitting time without cost.

That's the arrangement one woman (OP) had with her sister-in-law. The two agreed to alternate watching each other's kids. It was the perfect solution for both of them and it worked well. That is, until an argument changed everything.

OP took to Reddit to get some advice after an argument escalated.

Posting in Reddit's Am I the A–hole community, OP gave some history on her relationship and agreement with her sister-in-law.

"My sister in law and I have an agreement. She watches my kids 3 days a week, and I watch hers 3 days a week," OP explained. "This agreement has stood since March 2020 without issues. Any changes have been discussed weeks in advance."

But everything changed a few weeks ago. "A couple weeks ago, we had an argument," OP wrote, clarifying the argument was about OP's boyfriend.

"The next day, I brought my kids to her house, dropped them off, and left," she wrote, because it was the SIL's day to babysit, according to the plans they've had in place for a while.

"I didn't speak to my sister in law, because when one of us is in a rush, like I was, it's standard for us to just let the kids out, stay in the car, and drive off when you see the door open," she explained – and she did see the door open and her SIL let the kids inside.

After OP dropped off her kids, she headed to work like she always does.

"I drove to work, about 40 minutes away," she wrote. "When I got there, I had about 20 missed calls, and even more texts, all from my sister in law, all saying she didn't want to watch the kids given our argument."

OP hadn't checked her phone since before dropping off her kids, and according to OP, her phone doesn't send alerts when she's driving.

"Her first text arrived a little before I got to her place, but I didn't see it until I got to work because my phone is always on silent when I drive," she wrote.

"I rang her, said I'll arrange to work from home, then come get the kids," OP recalled. "She said I have 45 mins to get back to her place or she would call the police."

OP knew that getting back within 45 minutes was nearly impossible, but she checked in with her boss.

"I told my supervisor the situation, and she said I could leave after I did a few things," OP shared. "This delayed me 20 mins. When I got back to my sister in law's, just over an hour later, she said she'd already called the police when the 45 mins ran out."

She was 15 minutes late from the impossible timeframe her SIL gave her. "I then had to stick around long enough to tell the officer that I didn't abandon my children, there was just a communication issue," OP wrote.

Calling the police prompted another fight between OP and her SIL, and they "had another shouting match later over this."

Because OP wasn't able to trust her SIL with her kids, she started working on another solution. "I arranged other childcare for my kids and I've been mostly ignoring her since," she admitted.

Since the blowup, her SIL since has "reached out and apologized." But then she asked to "go back to the old childcare arrangement. I've told her to go f— herself," OP shared.

OP has a job where she works with children, and having anything on her record jeopardizes that.

"I work with kids," she explained. "If I got child abandonment on my record, I would never work in my field again, which she knew, and her calling the police was a massive overreaction, so if she needs a babysitter she can go whistle for all I care."

Her SIL said that if she had talked to her that morning, checked her phone before heading over with the kids, or came back to pick them up on time, she would never have called the police. OP also said that her SIL insisted she "did this" to herself.

"She says she would have done if she were in my position," OP wrote of the excuses her SIL gave on why she had to call the police. Even still, OP wasn't budging.

"I've told her that if she thinks I'm babysitting for her, she's f—ing delusional, and she's on her own," she shared.

Now the extended family is trying to make OP feel bad about how this will affect her SIL.

"Because of my refusal, it's looking like she may have to quit her job because my brother and her would pay more for a babysitter than they would earn from her working," OP explained.

"My mother and brother have both called me an a—hole because there were no consequences to her calling the police, and that while she overreacted, she's apologised, so if I really forgive her, I'll let us move on," she wrote.

OP also said having a loss of income could cause many more issues for her SIL's family.

"This income loss would also mean that she, my brother, and my niece and nephew might need to move somewhere cheaper," she explained, "that my brother might have to take on extra hours at work, and in an extreme scenario they may even be completely unable to live independently, meaning they'd have to move in with her parents, who live several hours away."

OP wanted to hear from Reddit users and asked if she was wrong for refusing to babysit.

"The only delusional person here is SIL," one person wrote in the comments. "Who calls the police on an essential worker out of spite? Let her struggle to find childcare or lose her job. You could have easily lost yours."

"NTA, even if you wanted to gloss this over and move forward it isn't safe for you to take that risk given her track record of nuclear escalation when she doesn't get her way," warned another person. "She has shown she is willing to involve police and child services over minor disagreements and delays when angered. She was willing to have your family torn apart to prove a point. I would simply tell your family, 'It's not safe for me to watch her children anymore given her track record of making false police complaints about me. I'm not going to change my mind or continue to discuss this.'"

"Not only could the OP have lost her job but she could have lost her children thanks to this immature, childish woman who massively over-reacted over an argument," someone else wrote). "Let her lose her job and struggle financially. It's not the OP's fault at all."

Another person thought everyone in this situation sucked and ended up making a valid point.

"She blew things way out of control by calling the police and I understand why the relationship is done for you and why you wouldn't want to watch her kids any more," the Redditor wrote. "But who doesn't keep an eye on their phone when there kids are with a sitter?? 20 missed calls? What if this wasn't about a fight and one of your kids was sick or bleeding or something?! Check your d— phone."