Mom Learns During Daughter’s Birthday Party That Her Husband Died & Doesn’t Tell Anyone

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There's never a good time to learn that your partner has died, but some might say that one woman on Reddit got the news at the absolute worst possible moment. According to her recent post, the woman's husband died in a car crash as he was on his way to their daughter's birthday party.

As devastating as it all was, the widow made the difficult decision to wait to break the news to both her daughter and her in-laws, knowing the news would be devastating and traumatic. But now, more than a year after his passing, her handling of the situation has come up again — and to her surprise, it's created an even bigger rift within the grieving family.

At the time of the crash, her husband was just 37 years old.

Their daughter's fifth birthday party was already underway when the mom received the heart-stopping call. Though she was told by her pastor, who tried to break the news gently, it was tremendous blow for the woman, who describes her husband as being her "rock." But when it came to her young daughter, she knew it would all be particularly devastating.

And so, the grieving woman made a snap decision — and put on a happy face for the rest of the afternoon.

"I didn't interrupt my daughter's birthday and waited til the evening to tell my family," she explained, thinking it was the best way to handle things, given the circumstances.

For her daughter, it likely was. But when it came to her in-laws, that was another matter entirely.

"Generally, my relationship with my in-laws is good," the mother explained, adding that they "supported me throughout the hard period in the past months."

But when her daughter's sixth birthday began to come around again this year, things started to take a turn.

Like it or not, the anniversary of her husband's death will always be linked to her little girl's birthday — and she can't be expected to ignore that. So, several days before the date came around, she reached out to her in-laws and asked if they wanted to plan something together for the day, because her daughter needed support.

But this didn't go over well.

"They were shocked that I was even thinking about 'throwing a party' knowing that this is the same day my husband passed away," the mom relayed in her post.

Although she told them she'd be privately honoring her husband in the morning before celebrating her daughter's birthday in the evening, they remained pretty ticked off.

"[My] mother-in-law got mad and warned me about having a birthday party, but I cut the conversation right then," shared the widow, who hoped to squash any chance of a disagreement.

On the day of the anniversary/birthday, the family met together at the cemetery around noon.

There, they grieved the death of her beloved husband — shedding tears and sharing memories before they all finally departed.

Then, around 4 p.m., the mom returned home "just in time" to start her daughter's birthday celebration.

"We had some of her supportive friends and parents come, and brought handmade gifts for my daughter using pictures of her dad," she explained.

All in all, it was as good a day as it could have been, given the circumstances.
But after the party was over, a fellow school mom wound up innocently posting some photos on Facebook — where the woman's sister-in-law immediately saw them.

Before she knew it, the mom had landed herself in quite the mess.

"My SIL and her mother came over later and blew up at me for throwing my daughter a birthday party at her dad's anniversary, despite their disapproval," she shared.

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And that wasn't all.

"My mother-in-law said I was teaching my daughter to be callous with no sympathy instead of taking the day to mourn her father's death properly."

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Needless to say, this sparked QUITE the argument.

"I argued with them and said that my daughter deserves to have a birthday celebration just like any other normal kid," shared the Reddit poster, who "sternly" added that she'll "continue to celebrate her birthday every year despite what happened."

Spoiler alert: Her mother-in-law did not like that response.

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In fact, she told her it was "highly disrespectful" of her to do that and kept telling her daughter-in-law that she "messed up" and "caused the entire family more hurt on this awful day."

By then, the widow had pretty much had it.

"I told her to leave, and she said she won't forget this massive display of disrespect I showed her and her family on her son's anniversary til the day she dies," the woman recalled.

The MIL wasn't the only one piling on. Other in-laws were there, too — and they were similarly PO'd.

Plenty of others joined in to call her "callous and irrational," though her BIL did jump in to defend her, saying her daughter shouldn't have to suffer even more on top of everything else.

Still, the widow is clearly feeling a ton of regret for how she handled things, and she shared her story on Reddit to ask people if they thought she might have disrespected her in-laws.

In response, a LOT of Redditors were more than happy to give their two cents.

And, each and every time, they appeared to side with the widow on this one.

"Tell MIL that she is expected to pull her s— together for a child that is grieving her father," wrote one person. "If she wants to honor her son, she would put her granddaughters' happiness before her feelings."

"A child should not be held hostage to a sad memory, even a memory of a beloved parent," added someone else. "Her birthday is the day to celebrate her coming into the world and making it instead about sadness and loss is like saying that the family is sorry she was born."

Another person put it even more bluntly, writing: "Your MIL's grief isn’t greater than your daughter’s worth."

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A lot of people actually shared that something similar happened in their own family but that they were able to move past it.

"My grandad passed away on my birthday when I was 22," shared one person. "I was grateful to have him that long, and also grateful I was old enough to decide how big my birthday celebrations should be for me in the years following. Nobody has ever questioned my decisions on this."

"As a person whose dad died in the same day as her birthday I appreciate all you can do to make your daughter happy," another person shared. "In my family we always had a life memory/celebration mass and at night a gathering to celebrate my birthday."

Yet another commenter pointed out that even Jacqueline Kennedy held a birthday party for their son John after JFK died. (In fact, it was held on the same day as his dad's funeral!)

The bottom line, most people agreed, is how the man's daughter feels in all of this.

"The way MIL is reacting makes me wonder if SHE blames her granddaughter in some way for her son's death," one person mused.

"I get that MIL is grieving," another person noted, saying that it's "a cruel thing for a parent to have to bury a child. But taking her grief out on a child is wrong."

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There were also plenty of people who asked another all-important question: How would the little girl's dad feel about all of this?

The widow updated her post to share how she honestly thought he'd feel — and in the process, she more or less answered her own question.

"My husband always felt excited whenever our daughter's birthday came," the mom wrote. "He experienced the loss of a child from his previous relationship and it affected him and his personality lot. He always told me that he was blessed to have our daughter in his life and took every chance he got to spent time with her even though he used to work long shifts and wasn't always able to stay home with us.

"I have to say in the couple weeks prior to his death, he stayed with us most of the days and constantly talked about missing us despite being right there with him," she added. "He was very emotional in those two weeks."

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It seems fair to say that the grieving widow is handling things the best she can and that her late husband's family is still mired in grief. Hopefully, this will work itself out before next year — otherwise, the MIL risks tearing the family apart even more.