What's the difference if your baby was conceived on a beach in the Bahamas or with the help of a fertility specialist? Answer: Not much. Since 1981, thousands of kids have been welcomed by loving parents thanks to reproductive technologies. But moms who undergo in vitro fertilization (IVF) — in which their egg is fertilized by sperm outside their body — constantly find themselves at the receiving end of thoughtless remarks.
Some comments are judgy. Others are just nosy. All are uncalled for. We askes moms who took advantage of reproductive technologies to share the craziest, cruelest, and downright bizarre things they've heard over the years so you know what NOT to say to a mom whose undergoing — or underwent — IVF:
1. If you were meant to have kids, God would have given them to you naturally. I had no idea you two were so close!
2. Was it you or your husband who had the problem? Has a problem with tactless questions? Apparently, me.
3. So did you get to pick exactly what you wanted? Like at the farmer's market? No, she's not a tomato.
4. Are all your kids artificial? As opposed to…?
5. If you would have been patient and just relaxed, you wouldn't have had to spend all that money. That's it. You nailed it. I'm just an impatient person.
6. Don't you feel like you're playing God? God, I wish.
7. Who's the father? Um, my husband?
8. So … are you the mother? Do we need to talk about how babies are made?
9. If you'd had them naturally, you wouldn't have ended up with so many. (Said to the mom of multiples.) I know, aren't I lucky?
10. Ha! You're like Octomom! How'd you guess that's what I was going for?
More from The Stir: 20 Things Not to Say to a Mom of a Preemie
11. If I had to go through all that, I would have shot myself. By "all that," do you mean enduring painful conversations like this?
12. You should have adopted. You should have thought twice before making such a judgy comment.
13. You didn't think one was enough? (Said to the mom of multiples.) No, I've always been bad at math.
14. Don't you think infertility is like survival of the fittest? What do you think this is, Lord of the Flies??
15. Wow, you must be rich. Not when it comes to thoughtful friends.
16. Were your eggs THAT bad? None of your business, Mom.
17. Wow, I didn't realize you were so old. Apparently, there's lots you don't know about me — including what the expression on my face means.
18. It must be easier to do it this way and have 'em all at once. You know I love efficiency.
19. What are you going to do with your leftover embryos — just let them die? Whatever I decide, I'll tell you first so you can lecture me.
20. Don't worry, maybe next time you'll have normal kids. Great, thanks for letting me know.
Our suggestion? If you want to know exactly how/why someone put assisted reproductive technology to use, go online. You can't hurt Google's feelings.
If you've had IVF, what's the best comeback you've given?
Image © iStock.com/KatarzynaBialasiewicz
