If you love the 24/7 surveillance offered by Santa's blackmail expert Elf on the Shelf but hate how low-tech the merry little snitch is, then have we got an app for you! Santa's Watching leaves missed voice mail messages warning kids to behave — or else.
It works pretty much exactly the way you'd expect — your kid freaks out, you play a personalized message for him or her from Santa Claus telling him "that he or she needs to listen to Mommy or Daddy in that gentle way that only Santa can deliver" (as KCTV News describes it). And that's all you really need to know about Santa's Watching, except I feel obliged to include the company's description here because for some reason I find it really, really funny:
Has your child ever had a temper tantrum at the worst possible time? Boarding an airplane, at a store or restaurant? Or maybe when you were just trying to get your child to pick up some toys? As parents, we've all been there. What if you had a way to snap your child out of that tantrum with just two words … "Santa's watching!"
Sure, we've all been there. We haven't all immediately considered threatening our kids with a crappy, gift-less Christmas in that moment, however. But let's say that playing the Santa card in a discipline crisis is your thing. What can parents who use this app expect to happen next?
Watch your child's eyes light up with amazement at the idea that Santa is watching him right now, and watch your child's behavior instantly improve. You can use the app over and over again, with different messages, so that your child will know that Santa really is watching all the time.
Watch your child's light up with amazement … or abject terror? Santa really is watching all the time. It sounds like the tag line for a holiday horror movie, doesn't it? (In fact, I feel like that new scary Santa movie Krampus actually is using that line in the trailer, or something pretty close to it.) And sure, I guess fear is as effective a method as any to convince a small child to "instantly improve" his behavior, but does that mean it's a good idea?
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Look, I'm not judging parents who use Santa and/or his cohorts as a way to make kids behave during the holidays — I'm quite certain I've pulled the "Santa's watching" thing at least once or twice in my parenting career, in moments of sheer exhaustion/desperation, but overall I really do think that Santa should be presented as a jovial, harmless sort of character, not some sort of toy-withholding moral authority. And yes, I get that Santa's supposed to have his list, and kids are supposed to be striving toward being nice, not naughty … but can't we just mention that in a couple of songs and let it go? Must we drive the point home with apps and creepy dolls? Christmas is supposed to be fun. About love and being happy and festive and spending time with loved ones … not being monitored at all times by some old pipe-smoking freak with the ability to completely screw up your Christmas morning on a whim.
Again, no offense intended if elves and apps are your thing. Unlike Santa, I'm not here to judge. I'm just saying … why? Also, I can't be the only one who thinks this is creepy, because even the Santa's Watching people put this message on their iTunes page:
We at Santa's Watching are advocates for children's rights.
This app is not meant to be used for or the aid in abuse of children or a child's trust. If you suspect child abuse or maltreatment, please report it to 1.800.4.A.CHILD.
Merry Christmas!!
Image via Theresa/Flickr
