My husband and I have two pretty great kids and have decided that our family is complete. Sometimes I occasionally wonder about having just one more baby, and then I remember one important thing: I really love sleep.
Now that my kids reliably sleep through the night, I'm pretty sure I don't want to give that up even though babies are awfully wonderful.
My new plan: Read this post every time I see a cute baby and get that sneaky urge to have another. These hilarious stories from sleep-deprived moms just might kill that urge forever!
Image via iStock.com/PeopleImages
One and Done
"When my baby was a few months old, I decided to have my first beer since getting pregnant. Apparently the combination of being sleep-deprived and not having had a drink in over a year was a potent one — my husband had to wake me up. I fell asleep with my face on my food!" — Carson D.
The Big Chill
"The winter my twins were born was one of the COLDEST and SNOWIEST winters I can remember. We had a major ice dam on our house, so my husband was going to throw a heat packet or something that was supposed to melt the ice on the roof. Well, he threw it up, with the keys in his hand. Keys went flying to the roof and the heat pack thing fell on the ground.
"Thankfully, I was in the house with the second set of keys so he didn't have to climb up on a ladder in the icy, cold winter. And in the spring he found them when cleaned out the gutters.
"[He was so sleep-deprived] he said he totally forgot he even had the keys in his hand when he decided to toss the things on the roof." — Tracey R.
The Pacifer
"Johnny (my third) was suuuch a fussy baby. So dang cute but so so fussy. For months, it felt like crying was the soundtrack to our lives.
"One time, I was getting ready to head out and I was frantically trying to get everything together while rallying my two girls. In my [sleep-deprived] insanity, I quickly rinsed off a pacifier (the crying!!!) and shoved it into my 9-year-old's mouth. The horror and confusion on her face is imprinted in my memory forever." — Kate S.
Magic Carpet
"When I was in the hospital with my son, and had been awake for 48 hours straight, I started hallucinating. I kept seeing a rug fly and move like the magic carpet in Aladdin." — Sarah K.
More from The Stir: 8 Quick Fixes for Your Tired Mom Eyes
Bad Idea Bath
"My husband woke up once completely convinced that my oldest was really dirty and the only way to get her clean was to give her a bath in acid. His confusion only lasted about a minute until he woke up all the way, but he was pretty passionate. I was sitting in bed next to him, nursing the baby, when he sat up screaming about the acid bath. Two important notes: My husband is an engineer whose work at the time involved using acid baths to wash something or other, so this wasn't completely unreasonable, and neither of us had slept for more than an hour consecutively in weeks at this point." — Kristy P.
Reasons to Cry
"I have a husband story as well from when my twins were newborns. In the middle of the night when one (or both) of my twins would be up fussing, in my husband's sleep-deprived state he would often try to tell me why they were crying, and the reasons were hilarious and often related to his work or a TV show. One time my husband said one was fussing because the baby hadn't made it to the next round on Top Chef because he hadn't cut the onions small enough. Another time one was fussing because he had to help build a moat and couldn't find armor small enough to fit him." — Ann O.
Baby Snuggles
"When my daughter started crying in the middle of the night and it was my husband's turn to get her, I found him in the hall rocking his pillow and 'shushing' it." — Molly C.
Time To Celebrate?
"We both totally forgot my husband's birthday. We had a 20-day-old baby and we didn't realize we'd missed it until a week later. Oops." — Lacey K.
More from The Stir: The Most Useful Baby Advice New Moms Will Hear
My Age?
"Went to a doctor's appointment for my son who was a week old. Someone asked me how old I was and I had nothing. I totally forgot how old I was! After a period of extended silence in which everyone in the room looked at me like I was crazy, my husband stepped in with the answer." — Mattie S.
Coffee Stop
"I hopped into the car after putting both boys in the car and took off. Slammed on the brakes after reaching for my latte that I'd worked so hard to get and realized it wasn't there. Stopped in the middle of the street, I opened the door and stood up. Sure enough — latte (still standing) on the roof of my car." — Kate H.
Need Glasses
"One time I woke up in the night to feed the baby. I couldn't find my glasses on my nightstand. I was looking all over for them while the baby let me know I was late. Finally I turned the light on to find them, waking my husband, who told me my glasses were already on my face." — Patrica P.
Which Baby?
"My twins slept in separate cribs but shared a room. One night my husband brought me a baby, [and] I nursed her and laid her down in what I thought was her crib. When I woke up, I realized I actually put her in her sister's crib, quite possibly right on top of her. They were about a year old. When I went to get them ready in the morning, all three of us looked very confused. So not exactly new baby, but still [sleep-] deprived." — Jenni P.
Potty Problem
"I was sleep-deprived with a 3-year-old and being 9 months pregnant that I forgot to pull my pants down when I went to the bathroom." — Sarah T.
