I was debating between the frozen peas or the frozen broccoli at the grocery store when my son very loudly asked, "Um, Mom? Can Dad still get you pregnant or did you get him neutered?"
Yes, son, the frozen food aisle is exactly where I want to have this conversation.
When it comes to mortifying moments, I'm pretty sure boys are born with a special capability to embarrass their mothers. Whether it is shamelessly farting (#4) or public nudity (#7), the 13 red-faced moms who shared their stories with us totally know what I'm talking about.
I'm still cringing for #13 — click on to find out why!
Image via iStock.com/TalitaNicolielo
The Hooker
"My son loves to write and draw. When he was in first grade, he wrote a poem about how much he loves me. All the kids wrote poems and then read them for a family day event.
Sounds sweet, but then he read his and it said, 'I love my mom because she is such a good hooker.'
Yes, I'm really good at baiting his hook when we go fishing. So, I'm a good hooker. All of the other parents were dying laughing." — Marisol P., Orlando, Florida
The Motorboat
"My son gets very handsy when he's being silly, but only does this stuff at home, usually. Well one day we (my daughter, son, and me) were out shopping, and we stopped to eat something. The boy was getting all hyper and obnoxious, and I was telling him to cut it out, when he throws himself on me and basically motorboats me in the restaurant. Mortifying." — Paula G., Saint Paul, Minnesota
The Bad Cart
"I was shopping with my son, who was sitting in the front part of the cart. He was squirming around and sort of slammed his crotch area into the metal part of the cart seat. He started SCREAMING, 'This bad cart hurted my weiner. MY WEINER! Kiss it, Mama! Kiss it better.'
I politely declined, much to the amusement of the other shoppers." — Sam S., Roswell, New Mexico
The Tampon Aisle
"My 2-year-old and I were doing the usual grocery trip. I went to buy some tampons and threw them in the back of the cart, where he was sitting. I stopped the cart to look at whatever the next thing I was going to get and then heard laughter. I turned around and he was flinging tampons everywhere.
I was like, 'What are you doing?' and he cheerfully said, 'I make it fireworks, yay!' as he flung another handful of super absorbents in the air. I had to clean up 28 tampons from the shelves and the floor. So embarrassing." — Gina D., Saint Paul, Minnesota
The Fart
"My son has NO SHAME when it comes to bodily functions. We were watching my daughter's soccer game when all of the sudden he let out a crazy loud fart and then announce to everyone on the sideline, 'If you think that was bad, wait until you smell it!'
So classy." — Elaine H., Boise, Idaho
More from CafeMom: 'I Dated His Teacher' & 11 Other Ways Moms Have Mortified Their Kids
The Blood
"I had just buckled my son into his car seat so we could drive my grandmother home when he started crying, 'The blood, the blood!' I couldn't figure out what was wrong and he was getting hysterical. My grandmother was sure that he was hurt somehow so I pulled over.
I unbuckled him and tried to find out where he was bleeding but couldn't see anything. Finally he calmed down and I figured out that he had an erection and it was getting squished by the car seat buckle. Turns out my husband had explained how erections happen to him, hence his crying about the blood. He felt like the blood in his penis was getting crushed.
Super awkward having an erection talk with my son in front of my grandmother though." — Melanie H., Lansing, Michigan
The Nudist
"My mortifying mom moment was when I took my son to the public pool and discovered that when I wasn't looking, he took his swim suit off in the pool and was happily frolicking in the kiddie pool … naked." — Andie L., Maplewood, Minnesota
The Roller Coaster
"I was waiting in line with my son to ride a roller coaster and he loudly asked, 'Hey Mom! Do you really think your boobs are gonna fit on that ride?'
They had the over-the-shoulder harnesses and I do have big boobs, but dang, kid, use your inside voice for questions like that!
For the record, they did fit." — Becky N., Ankeny, Iowa
The Tantrum
"Public tantrums are the worst, right? My son is very emotional so I've had my fair share of them. The highlight, I guess you could call it, was when he didn't want to go into Sunday school at church and plopped down on a step and refused to move. His sweet Sunday school teacher came over to try to coax him into coming to class and he screamed at her, 'Don't talk to me! Don't touch me! I don't like you and neither does Jesus!'
In hindsight? SO FUNNY. At the moment? I wanted to die." — Anita G., Provo, Utah
The Show-Off
"My son loves professional soccer so we put him in a soccer league. The first practice, they did a team scrimmage. So keep that in mind, okay? He was competing against his own teammates.
About three minutes into the scrimmage, he made a goal. I was happy for him, until he started doing the post-goal celebrations. He whipped his shirt off, started doing cartwheels on the field, and ran up the sideline yelling, 'I OWNED that goalie. I OWNED HIM!' The goalie was, no kidding, a tiny 6-year-old.
I knew he was competitive, but this was like a whole new level. It was so embarrassing." — Catie B., Saint Paul, Minnesota
The Bike
"A sporting goods store in our town does bike riding lessons for kids, so I signed my son up. We went to the first lesson and the teacher asked if anyone had any questions. My son's hand flew into the air and he asked, 'If I fall, will I hurt my nuts and also my butt crack? My nuts are tender.'
Very proud moment for me." — Taylor R., Lincoln, Nebraska
The Romeo
"My son is super girl-crazy and has been since birth, basically. The other day I got a note from his teacher asking me to talk to him about keeping his shirt on in class and not asking the girls who share his table if they want to see his 'big biceps or his six-pack.'
I talked to him about it and he said that, yes, he likes to show the girls his muscles and that he takes his shirt off 'so they can see that I'm attractive.'
He's 7. I'm embarrassed and afraid to think what is waiting for me when he hits the teen years." — Susie T., Norman, Oklahoma
The Runner
"Child leashes were invented for my son. He was a runner. I've had to chase him down in parking lots, at parks, you name it. We had started getting really firm with him about it because it was such a big safety concern.
We were at a park and I told him it was time to go. He didn't want to go, so he bolted. I was nursing his sister, so I had a baby attached to my boob as I started to chase him. He was screaming, 'I don't know you, I don't want to go with you, you are a bad lady!' as I tried to catch up with him. Then I realized the baby was crying too and I was basically running with a screaming infant and my boob hanging out, trying to catch a child who was claiming not to know me.
I swear, I'm lucky I didn't get arrested. We didn't go back to the park for a long, long time." — Name withheld by request
More from CafeMom: 10 Most Embarrassing Things Kids Say
