While everyone else spends countless minutes in front of the mirror — likely perfecting their messy bun or attempting some must-try Kardashian hack — there are moms who are racing against the clock in a mad dash to get the kids to school or daycare without looking like actual roadkill. Most parents barely have time to pee by themselves (what a foreign concept), let alone time to dedicate to some primping ritual. That's why we love this mom's "four minute beauty regimen" that's right up our alley and something most of us already do anyway.
Instead of serving up major "yeah, I really did wake up like this," mom Mary Katherine Backstrom got real about what goes into looking "flawless."
First, Mary recommends moms scan their noses and chins for pesky hairs.
And should a pair of tweezers not suffice, this mom has no shame about using her husband's razor to erase all those "nasty mom hairs" off her chin. Because, as Mary says, "Who needs tweezers when you can shave like a man?"
More from CafeMom: 11 Times Celebs Were Totally, Unnecessarily Photoshopped
Next, Mary picks up her "vintage" powder, which, in mom lingo, means it's approximately four years old.
Hey, if your kid didn't get the plague after licking the side of a slide at the playground, you'll survive using years-old makeup.
Come on, Mom, you got this!
With your face now dusted, this mom advises to "try to find the one eyeliner that hasn't already busted."
"It really is important that it doesn't have a top for quick access," notes Backstrom. "And also because you lost it a long time ago … and it's possible your baby swallowed it."
By this point, if you're kids aren't fighting -- or trying to burn the house down -- this mom says you can move on to the eye shadow.
While you are free to use whatever eyeshadow color you want, this mom notes the importance of a youthful brushstroke for maximum coverage. "Just smear it all around like a 3-year-old doing watercolor," she instructs in her video. Easy enough!
And don't forget the mascara, but don't worry about perfecting it. As this mom says, "Nobody is looking at you because you're a mom -- nobody cares."
More from CafeMom: 11 Things Moms Know They'll Be Judged for — but They're Doing Anyway
Battling gray hairs from motherhood? Yeah, Mary's got you covered on that, too.
"Are you ready for something that's going to blow your mind?" Backstrom asks. "Get some eyeliner and cover your grays with it, because it's cheap — and I'm cheap."
Yup, that's pretty genius!
With your face ready and your hair somewhat done, you're finally ready to be late dropping your kids off. But, hey, at least you look refreshed!
... Or do you?
Even though Mary isn't convinced her four-minute beauty efforts make her look any different than if she didn't bother at all, at least we can give ourselves a gold star for trying.
Check out the full video for even more laughs!
