It doesn't matter how old you are or how much experience you have, if others deem you a "young" mom, they are oftentimes judging you or have preconceived notions about the choices that led to your motherhood or your ability to parent. As the mom of two boys and a self-described, "young" mom, Alexandra is sharing exactly what it's like to parent while people around you are constantly judging you for your age — along with pretty much everything else.
In an open letter to her baby boy, Alexandra explained that she was often looked down upon before ever even giving birth just because of how old she did or didn’t look. "People had already made up their minds that I wouldn't have the ability to take care of you. I was branded irresponsible, stupid and people claimed that I had already ruined my life," she wrote on her Facebook page, Tears ‘n’ Tantrums. "I was often judged as being stupid and people made rude remarks and stared at you when you were in my belly."
In Alexandra's experience, as soon as people saw a younger woman with a pregnant belly they immediately made assumptions about both her past and her future. "They saw my baby face and then looked at yours, I was then faced with looks of shame, disgust and judgement," she wrote. "People heard you cry, scream and tantrum, but they didn't see a baby who was simply stating their needs, they saw a 17-year-old mother who 'couldn't cope.'"
The times that her infant did smile, nobody noticed because according to Alexandra, they were too busy passing judgements on "just another teen mom" and that blinded their ability to see the truth:
"You waved at people and said 'hello' but they didn't say anything back, instead, they looked at me with sympathy as though my life had been totally ruined. They didn't take note of your blonde hair and blue eyes, your little button nose and rosy cheeks, they took note of my age, how I looked and once again, judged. They didn't see how happy you were, how sociable and friendly you were, instead, they saw me. Tired, drained, emotional and highly anxious just like any other new mother would be. Instead, they put this down to my 'age' and once again, judged.
They didn't take not of how advanced you were for your age, they didn't know how many hours we spent together learning shapes, letters and numbers, they didn't see how hard I tried to get you to sleep and they didn't see how worried I became over the littlest things. They didn't know that I put my whole life on halt for you, how I spent all of my time with you, stopped my own dreams and future plans for you- they did''t see how much I loved you."
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When Alexandra's first baby was born, people only saw a young girl who they assumed left school and was irresponsible or selfish for bringing him into this world. "They predicted that I would pawn you off every chance I got, not tend to your basic needs, not cope," she wrote. "They told me when I carried you that I would struggle and that I wouldn't be able to handle the 'stress' that you would bring me. They told me that due to my age, I would struggle to provide for you and you would suffer."
Instead of finding support from fellow parents or adults, Alexandra only found criticism for the age she decided to become a mother. "When I went to my pregnancy appointments they weren't filled with joy, I would go in happy and excited and come out feeling defeated and depressed. I used to hold you every night when you were in my belly and apologize and be swept over with guilt," she wrote. "Already before I even knew you, I felt as though I wasn't good enough for you, that you may be better off else where since I was just a 'teen mom,' another statistic."
Instead of feeling bitter towards these haters who simply assumed that Alexandra was a statistic, she's just sad that they can't see her and her kiddo now — and realize just how very wrong they were. “I wish they could see how charming, beautiful, intelligent and polite you are. How clever and well-behaved you are," she wrote. "I wish they could see how determined and motivated I am with you and how much I am working to improve our quality of life."
To the people who weren't capable of seeing past her age and recognizing just how happy she and her child were, Alexandra wants them to know that she was always there for her baby and that will never change at any age. "I wish instead they saw past my 'young' face and instead, saw the beauty in yours … I wish that they could see how much you are thriving in life and how much I did cope," she wrote. "Yes it was a struggle, but the struggle was so worth it."
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There's also a bigger picture to having kids earlier in life and everyone judging Alexandra failed to see these benefits that she refuses to take for granted. "Being a young mom to you means I get to hold you that bit longer, watch you grow and venture this world. See my great-grandchildren grow and be with you every step of the way," she wrote. "It means I get to be there for you for longer and support you through the hard times in life."
Although Alexandra was young when she gave birth for the first time, her baby boy undoubtedly changed her life for the better. For that alone, she will always be grateful for being the young mom that everyone else was so quick to pity. "You introduced me to a love that is like no other. You guided me and taught me so much at such a young age," she wrote. "For that baby, I thank you and I owe my whole life to you. As your mother, that is what I will do. Love forever and always, your 'young mom.'"
