Part of being a parent means socializing with other parents. This opens up a whole new world of chit chat — wanted and unwanted — all because your kids are friends. Luckily, parents meet some amazing people through their kids, but sometimes the match isn't perfection even though the kids may be besties. And when playdates start happening, this whole situation can change a bit, and the change can be good or bad.
First, let's look at what a playdate is. A playdate can be a sort of forced gathering of adults so their kids can make a colossal mess in the other room. Yes, it can be awkward. It can also be a pleasant surprise where parents learn they have so much in common with the mom of their kid's friend. Whether it's a nightmare of a situation or a cool getting-to-know-you one, going on a playdate can fill a mom's mind with some (let's call them) interesting thoughts.
We have heard real mom stories of playdates gone wrong. We're privy to some of the strangest playdate rules that parents have set. And we've examined the worst type of playdate moms. And we're continuing to ask for some hardcore truth. We went to the source — moms who have been on countless playdates — and asked for the brutally honest thoughts that have gone through their minds when they hung out with other parents and their kids. Some things are sweet, some are kind, some are harsh, and some are a bit mind-blowing. Because of this, all moms who participated have asked to remain anonymous.
What's fascinating is when delving into some of these responses, it's easy to see yourself on both sides of the confession. So, dive in to these brutally honest thoughts and see where you stand.
"Please don't try to sell me anything."
"My kid's playdate started off great. I loved the mom and we had a lot in common and talked about beauty products and skin stuff and clothes. It was refreshing since I don't need to talk about my kid and kids every day all day. And so we're talking and things are going well, and then she takes me to another room in her house where she has all these clothes she's selling through a multi-level marketing thing. No offense, but I am not into that. And I didn't want to buy anything but then I felt totally awkward that I had to. So I made off with a pair of expensive (for me) leggings in hopes that would be it. It wasn't. Now I avoid her home because I just don't want to feel pressured."
"Wow, we have very different parenting views."
"I'm what I suppose they call a natural minded mom. For example, I breastfed all my kids. I stay away from junk food (most of the time) and my husband and I believe in gentle parenting — we don't yell or spank. We are free range and let our kids explore. This just works for us. What began as a sweet playdate with my youngest child who is 4, turned into a bit of a nightmare. It was clear the family who we were visiting for a playdate had a very different view of things and it made me very uncomfortable. We had to cut it short."
"I need her to stop talking because I have to go. I thought this was a dropoff."
"My 6-year-old had a planned first playdate with her best friend from school recently. The other mom and I discussed the whole thing. Together, we decided her house would be best and she even asked what to make my daughter for lunch. We established a dropoff time and a pickup time. But when I got there to drop my daughter off, and after what I thought was going to be just small talk before I left to go run some errands, it became clear she didn't think I was leaving. She just kept talking. Now, I feel bad because she was really nice, but I had planned to do some much-needed things while my daughter was at her house. I just kept waiting for an out to excuse myself as she talked."
"Can we ditch these kids and go on our own playdate?"
"My son had a playdate at the home of a family I really enjoyed talking with whenever I'd run into them. But we never got together outside of random run-ins. When the playdate happened, I have to say that I was excited. I really wanted to spend more time with this mom and thought we had a lot in common. We did! In fact, we had so much to talk about when our kids were playing in the other room that I thought, Can we ditch these kids and hang out without kids sometime?"
"Oh my goodness, this house is disgusting."
"My son took the bus home with his friend one time, straight to this child's home. The mom was doing me a favor since I had to work late and our kids were already begging to have a playdate anyhow. When I went to pick him later, I was really shocked about how messy the house was. This wasn't just a bit of a kid mess — this looked like years of no cleaning. The home felt really unsafe. That was the last playdate he had there."
"I'm afraid to touch anything for fear of messing it up or breaking it."
"I had a hangout playdate where the moms hang out while the little ones play. This was when my daughter was a toddler — you know, the stage where they knock everything over? Well, the home of the mom who was hosting was immaculate. Everything was so impeccably in order. I was fearful my kid (or I) was going to break something the whole time. Stressful!"
"What do these people eat? I wonder what's in their fridge?"
"Ever go to someone's home and everyone seems so healthy and happy and you can't help but wonder what their secret is? Well, I do and I always feel like their secret has to do with their diet and what they eat. I was so curious at this one family's home (they were so fit, skin glowing, teeth amazing, the works) that I wanted to look in their fridge so bad to see what they ate."
"What does that elusive second floor look like?"
"I've been to one of my kid's friend's home several times and the kids often play upstairs, but for some reason it's never been a place I ventured. In fact, on two occasions during a pickup, my daughter was upstairs playing and we had to leave, and I offered to go up and get her, and the mom stopped me and went up to get her herself. Felt odd. I can't help but wonder what is upstairs?! When I asked my daughter she kind of rolled her eyes and said 'Just the bedrooms, mom!' So I decided not to make a big deal out of it."
"I really wish I didn't have to take off my shoes."
"This may not be a popular thought, but I can't stand the no shoe rule houses! I don't want to show off my socks. I don't want to walk barefoot. And I particularly don't understand this rule when people have pets who walk inside and outside with their 'shoes' on without wiping their feet! (I'll still adhere to and respect your no shoe rule, but I will complain about it in my head only)."
"Well that was the first and last playdate we'll ever have."
"Our first playdate with my son's best friend from preschool was an absolute disaster. He and his friend were not getting along. The two of them were really acting like different kids — the other mom and I felt the energy was just so off. Which, in turn, made it weird for us. After it was over (it was short), I felt like we wouldn't be returning."
"How does she keep such a neat home?!"
"I became good friends with my son's best friend's mom. Their house is always so neat, so organized and always smells like she baked something amazing. I always ask her how she keeps it so neat, and she tells me that she just tidies up a lot. I imagine that she has the kids help her and everyone is happy to pitch in to keep such order in the home. Oh to dream that my kids would do the same so my house would look cleaner!"
"What were they like before kids ...."
"Once upon a time I walked into Perfect Land where mom and dad seemed just perfect, their kids were perfect, their house was perfect … and there was me with my imperfectness and my incredible but imperfect child. I just felt completely out of place on this playdate, but the family was so nice (and perfect) that my mind just wandered and I couldn't help but wonder what they were like in their private lives, their own childhoods, what they did before they had kids."
"I have a feeling this home may not be safe."
"Let me just say that there was a question of safety — safety with guns. There are just too many stories of kids getting killed or hurt due to guns not being safely secured in the home that I will not risk my kid's life for a playdate."
"I really was hoping for a dinner invite."
"My two kids and I were invite over for a playdate and it was set to end just before dinner. The mom had asked if I wanted to stay and have some coffee while the kids played, so I did. She was making dinner the whole time, having me taste stuff, and we had a nice time. I thought she was going to invite us to stay for dinner. But it was kind of weird when the playdate was up, dinner was ready, and we basically felt kicked out. Maybe I was being presumptuous, but I couldn't help my thoughts."
"I can't believe I allowed this."
"When I picked my kid up from his playdate, I was sort of in horror to see them playing one of those live action war games where it seems like real-life shooters. My kid is only 9 and I thought it was very inappropriate. I realized I should have asked more questions prior to allowing the playdate."
"Who is this well-behaved child?"
"I was a little worried during a first playdate because my daughter can get really rambunctious sometimes, and the noises she makes can make it seem like she's a 10-foot giant when she's really just a petite kid. But her actions on this playdate shocked me. She was the epitome of polite: so sweet, so kind, so respectful, so quiet. I wondered what happened to my kid while we were there. Not to fear; she went back to her old ways as soon as we got in the car."
"Why is my child acting like a demon? This is horrifying."
"The playdate was going really well — our daughters were playing in the other room and the mom and I were just sitting on the couch talking about first grade stuff. But then there was a crash and screaming. When we rushed to the other room, our daughters were fighting and my daughter seemed to be the instigator. It was horrifying."
"Why did they let my kid come over when their other kid has a fever?!"
"My son was so excited to hang out with his best friend and the mom and I planned the playdate as a drop-off. I dropped him off and all was good as I left to take my other son to his practice. When I returned to pick him up, I went inside and was chatting with the mom a bit as my son got his things together. It was then that she revealed to me that her daughter was really sick: throwing up and had a fever But she was in her own room so not to worry. Of course I was worried! I couldn't believe she allowed a playdate without telling me that her other child was so ill."
