Throwing your friend a baby shower is such an honor … the first time she asks or you offer to do it. But if you're still getting asked to coordinate pink and blue cupcakes and plan diaper-themed party games for babies two, three, and four, you might start to feel a little taken advantage of. Or worse, you might just straight-up not have the money or the time to keep throwing elaborate parties in her honor. This was just the dilemma that one mom online found herself in, after a friend wanted her to plan a second baby shower — after she already planned the first and a separate gender reveal months ago — and she simply can't afford it.
The mom explained that although she's been her friend's go-to party planner in the past, her circumstances have changed.
In a post on Reddit, the mom shared that after her friend struggled to conceive, she was happy to throw her a baby shower and gender reveal for her first child. However, because she wasn't financially in the best place, they split the costs for both parties. "Fast forward nine months after she had her son and she gets pregnant again," the mom wrote. "We're worse off than we were last year financially and struggling to catch up on our medical bills when she tells me that I'm hosting this baby shower."
The mom said she's been avoiding this conversation because right now she really can't afford to cover even half of the party or spend the serious time it takes planning a thoughtful shindig. And, she noted, it would be different if she offered to throw another party, but she didn't. So really, would she wrong to tell her friend that she can't afford to splash out like she did in the past?
The response online was unanimous: This woman should NOT be having a second baby shower.
Tricky conversations about money aside, it's sort of strange to automatically assume that someone would throw you two showers for your kids in such a short amount of time. And some might even consider you to solely be in it for the gifts.
One commenter broke it down: The mom's friend was wrong for multiple reasons.
And another person chimed in, saying, "It is tacky and gift grabbing especially with the fact her kids will be so close in age and half the baby equipment she needs is probably still okay under safety regulations."
Someone else wrote, "Generally a second shower is only thrown if the babies are like a decade apart and mom wasn't planning on having another, or if mom is married to new guy and decides to have another one. People who have a shower for a second child, especially this close in age, are considered tacky or tasteless." Which is a pretty harsh condemnation on the mom's friend, no?
The mom did clarify later in the thread that "The only reason I see it as okay to have another party at all is because this one is a girl." But still, she knew that a tough conversation was needed.
Later in the thread, the mom wrote that she worked up the courage to talk to her friend and had the uncomfortable chat.
Despite being nonconfrontational by nature, the mom wrote that she decided to woman up and have a real conversation about her friend's expectations. "I did text her after getting advice from some of the comments and asked her if anyone else is willing to pitch in," she wrote. "I also said I'd help make stuff and give her stuff we have left over from my son's birthday parties. (I hoard left over party supplies because 'we may need it next year.')" she wrote.
In the end, the mom explained that she thinks the two have come to "an understanding now, but I'm still baffled as to why she had just decided I was throwing it."
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