Any mom who pumps will tell you: It kind of sucks. Especially when you're at work, or on the road, or … honestly, anywhere but home. And pumping at the airport? Forget it! Pulling out your giant pump bag and trying to be discreet in a dirty, highly trafficked bathroom is fun for no one. And getting subtly shamed for it — by other women, no less — is seriously uncool.
Such was the case for one anonymous mom, who recently shared her story with the popular Facebook page Breastfeeding Mama Talk.
After just landing in a new city for a work trip, the mother headed straight for the Mother's Room. She'd been sitting on a plane for hours and needed to pump — bad. But when she got there, she spotted three women in line ahead of her, waiting their turn.
Knowing it would be a while, and needing to jet off to a meeting, the busy mom didn't have time to waste. So she found the nearest women's bathroom, sought out an available outlet, and tried to work quickly.
But that's when an uncomfortable moment transpired -- one she wasn't expecting.
"While pumping (covered, mind you, by my cardigan), a woman shielded her young son from me and said, 'You know there’s a space for that next door,'” the mom recalled in her post.
YEP. She really said that.
"I wish I would have had a witty response to her," the mom wrote. "But I just snapped back and said I didn’t have time to wait — my flight had just landed, I hadn’t pumped in 6 hours, and I had a full day of client meetings ahead of me with scarce opportunities to break for a pumping session. For once in my life, I did not apologize."
Breastfeeding shaming is nothing new, but there was something about this particular encounter the new mom just couldn't shake.
"Her words got me thinking," she said. "[The woman] shielded her son as if I was doing something wrong. She basically reprimanded me for pumping in the women’s restroom, for fear that her son may see a portion of my nipples."
And that's when she asked the million-dollar question: Why is nursing or pumping being sexualized?
"You could only potentially see a portion of my *gasp* nipple through the flange on my pump, but I was largely covered by a black cardigan," she explained.
So what about this was actually sexual, or shocking? And more importantly, how was this somehow inappropriate behavior for a women's bathroom?
"Can we teach our children that a woman’s body is not merely an object that serves and fulfills sexual desires?" she continued. "That the stigmatization of women harms all people?"
After all, she notes, "by looking at me in disgust, [the mother] was conveying to her child that I was doing something wrong or shameful with my body."
And oh, how true that is.
It isn't just embarrassing for the mom who was pumping</a>; it acted as a teaching moment for the woman's son -- one that no doubt reinforced to him that breasts are shameful and private, and under no circumstance should they be shown in public.
You know, even if it's in the middle of a private women's bathroom, and the reason they are even partially exposed is for one reason and one reason only: To provide food for a baby.
Many moms were quick to jump in with a show of support, and say that they too have been there.
"I’ve pumped virtually anywhere and everywhere since going back to work," wrote one mother. "Breastfeeding and working an on-the-go job is SO HARD. Cheers to you for making it work!"
"Thank you for standing up for your self," wrote another. "Yes this was a fantastic opportunity for the child to learn something new and this mother failed. While the country is slowly catching up to our need for clean locations to pump many are still way behind."
Another agreed that Mother's Rooms aren't always the best option.
"I found Mother’s rooms incredibly inconvenient," wrote one woman. "I found a chair next to an outlet in the terminal and pumped with my oversized nursing cover. I got some weird looks but i was always covered and It was way better than trekking across the airport for the single mothers room or waiting in line to use it."
The message here is clear: Breastfeeding acceptance starts with us. Here. Now.
The breastfeeding shaming may not come to an end in this generation, but maybe — just maybe — it might by the next. To get there, though, we need to show our kids (both boys and girls) what acceptance looks like.
And no, that's not shielding their eyes when we see another mom — *gasp! — pumping in a bathroom.
"Slowly, I’ve gotten more comfortable with nursing and pumping, and have begun to see the beautiful things that my body is capable of doing," the mother's post concluded. "I’m not going to accept shame when I’m trying to do the best for my child. I won’t ever make a parent feel less than for doing what they think is right. Even if they show me their nipple(s) in the process."