Finding the right words to say when someone says they've had to terminate their pregnancy is never easy. But whatever you do, don't take any advice from one man on Reddit, who asked his sister-in-law to return the expensive baby gifts he and his wife gave her after she recently ended her pregnancy. He's since taken to the anonymous forum to ask others to weigh in … and boy, have they.
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As the man explained in his Reddit post, the pregnancy came after years of trying, and both mom and baby were reportedly healthy.
Although it's unclear how soon the SIL shared the news with family, the poster says she gave out a wish list of things she needed for the baby, and he and his wife kindly purchased some pretty pricey items.
"We bought her a crib ($1200) and some baby clothes (about $200) in preparation," he explained. "She also received other gifts from other family members."
Soon after, however, the SIL decided to terminate her pregnancy after she got into a huge fight with her boyfriend and he left her.
"He's not involved with her anymore," the man added, and implied that she wasn't prepared to raise the baby on her own.
The man says he holds no judgments at all about his SIL's reasonings for ending her pregnancy, but he does take issue when it comes to the gifts.
"We told her to return the baby items to us and she refused, saying she'll use them one day," he continued. "Sure, but we can just get it back for you then. This is holding our money hostage. She still refused, so we asked to be reimbursed at which she also refused."
Then the writer and his wife told her that the gifts would have to count toward her birthday and Christmas, which she did not take well.
"Knowing we're now dealing with a brat," he continued, "we let it be and aren't associating with her for now."
It turns out they aren't the only ones miffed by the whole thing.
"This caused a cacophony of chaos in the family with many upset with her and many supporting her," he explained. "Never upset because she had the termination, but because she requested all of these things when she wasn't 100 percent sure she'd keep the pregnancy."
Many Redditors pointed out that the poster was being pretty callous toward his SIL, who is grieving both her relationship and her baby.
"She’s grieving," one person wrote in the comments. "She terminated a pregnancy she thought she wanted, because the man she thought she wanted left, and now everything she thought she was and was going to be is gone. Whether you see her suffering or not, that all sucks and is painful. I get that you feel your money was wasted, but maybe having [the gifts] gives her hope that one day her life won’t be this hot mess of emptiness she’s got right now. Just let it go."
"Her boyfriend, the baby's father, left her while pregnant," another person added. "The break up is one thing but is it possible she did want the baby but didn't want to be a single mom, couldn't afford to be etc and the baby stuff is her way of holding on to the idea. Be more compassionate to your sister."
"Instead of supporting their sister through two really big losses, they’re being classy AF (/s) by demanding the return of baby gifts and hounding her for them," another person snapped. "I feel OP is an unreliable narrator or not privy to what went down. They’re compounding her grief by being ravening wombles."
To be fair, plenty of others thought she was being pretty selfish for wanting to keep the gifts.
"Keeping the gifts is immoral," one commenter pointed out. "You don’t keep an engagement ring after it ends. You don’t keep all the wedding gifts if you call off the wedding …"
"If someone gets married and calls it off what happens to those gifts?" another person agreed. "If it was a miscarriage then no she keeps the gifts. However this was not a miscarriage this was a willing termination because the guy left. I don't give a [expletive] about downvotes or what the Reddit hivemind thinks, I think you are eligible for a refund of all that stuff honestly."
"You and your wife did something nice for her," a third person commented. "Despite her trying to have a baby, she terminated the pregnancy. She needs to either give you the things back or pay you the money."
Even though it's hard to know the exact "right" thing to do in a situation like this, it might be best for the poster to give his SIL some space for now. And when she's ready, who knows? She might be willing to part with those gifts after all and see it all in a new light.
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