Parents Need To Be Allies For All Kids, Not Just Their Own

Twenty20

Giving birth to my daughter two years ago was nothing short of a transformational experience.  My husband and I are amazed at watching her grow taller, express compassion, and scream out “baby” to any child who appears to be younger than 10 years old. In the privilege I experience as a cisgender woman who has earned a master’s degree and holds a professional job, my daughter has a level of access not available to all children. 

I inherently believe that with those privileges come the responsibility to not only question the voices present in the room, but to bring along others who are often silenced or dismissed.  This lesson is something that has been present since I was born.

I was born to an educator, who demonstrated her willingness to not only formally educate students, but nurture them as well.

One student gives my mother the credit for her learning English, while another one says he will never forget the consolation she provided as he mourned the loss of his mother as a third grader. Nearly 20 years after my mother taught those students, I recognize that she was the first person to demonstrate the why of caring about all children, not just your own.

It feels as if I were destined to care about children beyond the ones I would mother.

Last year, I attended an information session about the Parent Leadership Training Institute KC as a prospective parent participant and was later approached with an opportunity to facilitate.  PLTI KC exists to help increasing civic skills among parents that impact homes, neighborhoods and public policy for children and communities, so we can be allies for families in our community.

“I don’t even have a year of parenting under my belt. What can I teach other parents?” 

Thankfully, years of parenting experience, let alone being a parent, wasn’t a prerequisite and the goal was more facilitating more than teaching. As a facilitator, I study the provided curriculum and walk parents through guided activities. The goal of this cohort model program is that walls are broken down and real community is built. 

Representing a variety of racial and ethnic groups, ages, and parts of the city, parent leaders commit to equipping themselves with the tools to not only stand up for their own, but for all children.

Our participants are parents to children with disabilities; they are grandparents raising grandchildren.

They speak for those subjected to historic inequality.  They are working to recognize their white privilege and are committed to teaching the same to their children. 

My professional career has been dedicated to being a voice for children within the education space and it is a role I do not take lightly. While I wanted to follow in my mother’s footsteps and become a classroom teacher, I have been able to see that education is bigger than books. With that, my current job is to serve as the connector between industry and the school district and develop opportunities that will ensure that students graduate with a tangible asset such as an industry-recognized credential or college credit. 

Being an ally means doing it in any way you can, and in every facet you can, because it all matters.

There is a misconception about the parents who are not physically present in the room.

Their care level and interest in their children is questioned, when the better questions are about asking how we can better support parents. Sending flyers home with students won’t always cut it, neither will a social media post alone. If we want parents to be engaged in community meetings, events and the like, the conditions must work for them. Space considerations, time of day, food, transportation, and child care are some of the first discussions that event organizers, city leaders, and school administrators must have when asking for engagement of parents and families.  

These are all things mothers can do in their own communities, schools, or wherever.

Parents may identify as black like me and they may not.

Parents are educated and may also not have completed a formal degree. Parents may not be biological parents, but have stepped in as caretakers. Most of all, parents are people and people need allies. Not simply in title alone, but in action. In part, being an ally means to trust in whatever truth a person speaks. It also means to understand equity and realizing that each person may require something different to live their best life.  

Finally, as I see it, it is also giving up our individual selves for the greater good helps to us make sure that all children prosper. Because if all of our children prosper, our world will be a better place.

The perspective of parents is invaluable, and their experiences are not homogeneous.

Our experiences do help to create the voice in which we use to advocate on behalf of children.  The voice that both educated, enlightens, extends grace, speaks up, yet also says, “Here is the mic. Your turn.”