A family rivalry has one mom-to-be stressed to the max and venting in a recent post on Reddit. According to the poster, the problem lies with her mother-in-law — a younger woman who married her husband's father — who recently revealed she is also pregnant. That normally wouldn't be such a major problem, except that the MIL is competing with the poster in every way possible. In fact, she's even planned her baby shower for the very same day, which leads the poster to believe there's no way that all of this BS is all an innocent coincidence.
The problem started when the poster first learned she was pregnant.
The anonymous woman explained that ever since her father-in-law married his new wife nearly four years ago, she and her own husband have tried to ignore the fact that his new wife is even younger than they are.
"A few months ago, we found out we were pregnant," she continued. "It was not planned, but we are very happy none-the-less. We broke the news to everyone in person. We didn't do cheesy gifts or anything."
Of course, that also meant telling her FIL in person, too. But the response they got back was … unexpected.
"Without even congratulating us, he told us '[MIL] is pregnant too!!!'" the woman recalled.
Ever since, the poster says her in-laws "go out of their way to 'outshine' my pregnancy," which has left her feeling like she's in some kind of competition she didn't sign up for.
"For example, you know how you can get either a standard ultrasound or one of those 4-D ones?" she continued. "I posted my standard one on Instagram and four minutes after that [MIL] posts hers that is one of the fancy ones and she tags (!!!) me. She basically said, 'This is more expensive, but so worth it to see the little one in detail! … I recommend to get this one the next time.'"
(OK, now we're seeing red.)
As if that wasn't enough, the whole baby shower on the same day thing has pushed the poster over the edge.
In her post, she explains that the MIL knew what day her shower was, because she'd specifically asked beforehand. But at some point, she decided to move ahead and plan her own party on the same day.
"She made it a whole Facebook event," the poster added. "[My FIL] is very affluent so they are going all out. I am talking a hired band, fancy virgin cocktails with a barista, a whole a– venue etc."
Plus, her husband's family is torn because they want to support both parties.
"[My husband] now wants to cancel the baby shower all together," she continued. "He is really bitter. Especially because he feels like this baby is a do-over child for his father, as [my FIL] is now more involved than he was with [my husband's birth]."
"Instead of enjoying what should be our wonderful journey to parenthood, [my husband] is always fuming and bitter about his father," the woman continued.
It's caused such emotional turmoil, the woman says she's crying "almost everyday" and can't fully enjoy her pregnancy.
"The pregnancy alone is very difficult as I have high blood pressure, [bacne], nausea, and every time I sneeze I feel like I peed my pants," she explained. "I just need help or even just some encouragement."
Some people warned the poster that if she doesn't put a stop to it now, she and her MIL will always be competing.
"Do you think this is going to stop after baby is born?" one commenter warned. "'My baby is bigger! My baby is crawling already!' My baby can already say 10 words and is only 2 months old!' … They are going to try to out stage you forever!"
"Can I give some tough advice?" a second person chimed in. "Block his dad and his wife on social media. Don't play into that, do what is best for you and your mental health because it'll serve baby better.
"As for the shower, if you can move it, then move it," the second person continued. "Otherwise, make it clear to family and friends that there is no hard feelings if they want to support [your MIL] and [your FIL], try to be the bigger person."
A third person had this to say about it:
"They are going to one up you on everything. Don’t tell them any details about your pregnancy, no names (she’s probably [going to] steal your name), no nursery details, no hospital info … NOTHING. It’s horrible they can’t be happy for you. I understand [how] your husband feels about the do over kid. Just concentrate on your child."
Many people agreed it was time to cut off her in-laws -- and fast.
"Remove them from Facebook and other forms of communication," one commenter advised. "They are not worth the stress."
"They sound intensely insecure and not worth your time," a second person added. "Just change your baby shower date. Avoid them as much as possible. Communicate with your S.O. about it and make sure he's on the same page."
"Time for your husband to cut out his father again," wrote someone else. "The relationship brings nothing positive, only drama. He should tell him exactly why, too."
But as the mom-to-be later explained, the damage had already been done.
"I will most probably block her ([my FIL] doesn't really use social media) but the harm has been already done to my husband I feel like," the mom-to-be explained. "Even if we cut them out now I feel like my husband won't let that go … Which is understandable. He is hurting"
If nothing else, it seems the best thing the poster can do right now is focus on her husband and her baby. (Oh yeah, and maybe don't RSVP to her in-laws' party.)
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