As we enter the time of year when we swear off bad habits and make resolutions to be happier, healthier, and better versions of ourselves, it is time to embrace the word âYes.â Or, to put it another way, it is time to kick mom guilt to the curb and recognize that saying "no" isnât always helpful. Instead, when moms say "no" to the things that give us true happiness, we are missing out on things that arenât just worth our time but also are necessary to our emotional and mental wellness.
Thatâs why 2020 is the year for saying "yes" to yourself.
Say "yes" to that mani/pedi you've been meaning to get even if it feels frivolous or silly. So, you throw a few bucks at vanity. Why not? Itâs not about the nails, itâs about being pampered and treated like royalty for a slice of an afternoon. You can sit and have someone else take care of you and make you feel pretty. You may even leave the nail salon feeling a little bit extra and a tad more relaxed, maybe even like you appreciate yourself just a little bit more. This is priceless and exactly why your mom guilt should check out long enough for you to say "yes" to treating yourself and not feeling bad about it.
Say "yes" to being lazy and totally going MIA for a weekend with your family.
Sometimes, just lounging at home and ignoring the world, the internet, the chores, the packed schedules, all of the daily stressors in life and instead spending time laughing and playing, napping and eating junk food with your kids is exactly the mental health day that does the trick.
But don't only focus on saying "no" to things.
Many mamas make a resolution to say "no" more often to help with the stress. But by turning down certain things you don't want or need to do, you're also neglecting to push yourself to say "yes" to the things you'd actually like to do — and put yourself first more.Â
As a culture, we tell ourselves that the busier and more productive we are, the more value and importance we have as individuals. But when youâre going 100 miles an hour every single day and you keep saying "no" to the things you really want because it may feel selfish to want to step out of your comfort zone of working nonstop, you deny yourself the opportunity to recharge and feel alive.
Stress in the guise of mom guilt can be crippling.
In fact, in a survey conducted by TODAY.com of 7,164 American mothers, 72% of moms were reportedly stressed about how stressed they are. The biggest cause of this stress, they reported, is having no time to get everything done. And thatâs a huge reason why moms tend to say to "no" to the things they want and need to feel like their emotional and mental health needs are even being met.
And yes, it can definitely feel like one more chore to whittle out time for ourselves. But once it happens, it can feel magical. Rejuvenating oneself by saying "yes" to the mom friend who reached out about grabbing coffee, finally going to that crazy expensive spa you've been fantasizing about, or just having a warm cup of tea on the front porch can do wonders toward lowering stress. If you can kill that mom guilt long enough to let you do it. Just look at how European moms handle stress.
The Danish know whatâs up. They practice something called "hygge" (pronounced h(y)oo-ge) in which coziness and comfort take center stage. The entire philosophy of hygge helps Danish and Norwegians feel grounded and totally comfortable nipping mom guilt in the bud. If you canât chill out and practice the art of doing nothing â or at least doing the relaxing things that you love â then whatâs the point of life?
In 2020, challenge yourself to put yourself out there and start saying "yes" instead of the habit of always saying "no."
When the opportunity for a girls' night out happens, say "yes." When your kids want to pile into bed and snuggle, definitely say "yes." When you know you need some alone time and you just want to take a walk, donât feel bad about it. Just say "yes." Because at the end of the day, when you are taking care of yourself, then there is more of you to give — and what better gift to yourself or to your family is there?
