When you've got kids in diapers, you quickly become well-versed in handling some "crappy" situations. But there's always that one — that epic, going-down-in-history poop story that will stay with you long after your kids are grown and headed off to college. For Arkansas mom Callie Kimball, that history-making poop came just before Christmas, when her son left her and her husband the mother of all dirty diapers to deal with — and practically destroyed her house in the process.
Kimball later took to Facebook, where she shared the play-by-play with her legion of fans.
Kimball, who runs the page Sharts and Giggles, often posts a vlog series she affectionately calls "Parenting Story Time," where she shares some real doozies. This installment was no exception.
"So I'm laying in bed the other night, and I hear the distress signal of my husband," Kimball begins. "So I went to go help him. I walk into my son's room, and there ain't nothin' but sh–."
"Sh–, sh–, sh–, sh–!" she continues. "A poop-pocalypse done busted out in my son's room, and my husband's just standing there looking at me."
In a panicked moment of desperation, Kimball says her husband only had two words: "HELP ME!"
But Kimball had just one word for him: NOPE!
"I am NOT gonna help you clean this up," she told him. "Hell to the no."
In this mama's mind, she's cleaned up so many poopy diapers on her own, the least her husband could do is handle a couple by himself.
In fact, by her estimation, she's done it about "500 million, friggin' thousand" times — and she has had enough.
So instead, Kimball resolved to let her husband handle it on his own -- as she sat back and watched, while eating Doritos.
(Honestly, we're surprised she had an appetite, after walking in on a room full of sh–, but hey — who are we to judge?)
Meanwhile, she says, her son was blissfully unaware that his mega-poop had nearly brought his dad to his knees. Instead, he was joyfully "operating his fire truck in his pile of sh–."
Kimball could quickly see that she had to take hold of the situation, and began directing her husband from afar.
"So I tell my husband, I'm like 'Get the truck away from him, secure the perimeter, we got a Code 3 Sh-t-pocalypse — no one leaves, no one comes in," Kimball recalled.
But it seemed her husband didn't quite know what he was in for. Because no sooner did he take the toy truck away than his son whipped out an alternative weapon: his dirty diaper.
Yep — that's right.
The next thing her husband knew, he was getting hit in the head by a diaper filled with poo.
At which point, her husband did what anyone would do in his situation: He started to gag.
"My kid started swingin' that dirty diaper above his head like a stripper before the bills are due," Kimball quipped.
But in the process, the situation was escalated to a Code 4 …
Because as that diaper swung around in the air, the poop-pocalypse spread -- to the curtains, the wall, the ceiling fan ... you name it.
And it gets worse.
As the parents stood there in a panic, Kimball's son, Carter — who was laughing giddily at the chaos he'd just created — had sprinted into a kid-sized teepee in his room. And when Kimball went to go grab him, she discovered he'd somehow smeared the poop on the inside of the teepee walls, as well.
"When I ripped that teepee down, it looked like there was some ancient paintings on the walls in there," Kimball shared in her video. "But let me tell ya — there weren't. It was just sh–!"
A chase soon ensued throughout the house, as Carter escaped into the living room.
And once there, he performed what could only be described as the cherry on top of this whole story …
After locating their Corgi, Sheldon, the toddler squatted over him and used that poor dog as toilet paper — by dragging his butt along the animal's fur.
"Oh, my Lord!" Kimball exclaimed. "I mean I think that Sheldon might need therapy! He might have PTSD, I don't know!"
The entire debacle ended with her son running through the yard, butt naked like the "animal" he is, Kimball shared. Even then it wasn't really over — because later that day she discovered "poopy handprints" on a few presents under the Christmas tree.
On Facebook, Kimball's story elicited thousands of comments from parents who have been there, done THAT.
Well, perhaps not quite in the same way, but … ya know.
"I love this sh–," wrote one mom. "And thank you Carter for giv[ing] your momma something to amuse all of us with, of which some or most of us can RELATE!"
"Thank you so much for your videos," another mom wrote. "I am a full SAHM and I am going crazy sometimes … It is really comforting that I am not alone."
In the last month, the video has been viewed more than 1.4 million times and shared by more than 28K people — all of whom are pretty much on the same page about the clip.
"I'm just so glad we aren't the only ones with a tiny demon that makes sh*t-tastrophies," said one mom.
Yep — she's definitely not alone.
