Every hour of every day of my life is scheduled. I truly wish I were overexaggerating, but if you were to pop into my daily planner, you'd see I have a plan mapped out from the moment my eyes open to when they close. Becoming a mom has forced me to be very intentional with my time, or otherwise I slip into a state where the laundry doesn't get done for two weeks, our sheets remain unchanged, and I forget to do a million things at work.
Although it has made me super productive, it's also made me burnt the heck out.
I never really schedule time for myself (unless we are counting the minuscule hours I close my eyes).
It isn't that I don't have a village</a>; I do. My village is full of family and my best friends, but we are all trying to keep our ships afloat. Waiting for schedules to line up can mean weeks will go by before you get three hours to yourself.
And truthfully, even though date nights with my husband or nights out with my girlfriends are great, it doesn't necessarily fill my cup in terms of just taking a minute for me.
Serendipity took over when I found myself in the city for work and had to stay late for a little work event.
As it turned out, my work event ended earlier than I had planned, and I was already at a point where by the time I got home, I'd miss out on bedtime anyway. I had a brilliant idea: I'm fairly dressed up, I'm already out — what if I went out to eat?
Like … alone.
By myself.
For no reason at all.
I called my husband to see if he'd mind, sort of hoping he'd tell me I was being weird and I'd "get out of it." However, he emphatically insisted that I go. "That's a great idea!" he exclaimed. "Take yourself out on a date — I got this!"
I had never eaten at a nice restaurant alone. Sure, I'd shoveled food court food into my mouth alone, but I hadn't been out like that before. So before I talked myself out of it, I touched up my eyeliner and headed downstairs to a nearby restaurant.
I went to the host and sheepishly asked for a table for one.
He smiled wide and said, "Sure thing! You look so cool in your leather jacket, by the way!'
I laughed, and told him eating alone probably doesn't make me the coolest person in the room.
He scoffed and took me to a corner booth table — a way nicer one than I was expecting as a solo diner. He left me with the menu and insisted I enjoy myself.
And y'all, I really enjoyed myself.
For an hour and a half, I sat there eating a meal wholly unbothered. I ordered a drink (a classic old fashioned) and a large, juicy burger.
I ate slowly, without a toddler pulling my shirt or a husband stealing my fries. (OK, admittedly, I steal his all the time.) There was no conversation to keep, no waiting for anyone else to decide. I barely even looked at my phone, save to take a few pictures and to post an Instagram boomerang of me enjoying my cocktail.
As it turns out, I'm pretty nice company to have. Without being a wife, mother, daughter, aunt, or friend -- and that's something I forgot.
You can't pour from an empty glass, and mine was drier than the Sahara Desert. Taking that short time to be with just me, not running an errand or squeezing in a cup of coffee, but really sitting with myself and enjoying myself, was heavenly.
Will I be asking myself out again?
Absolutely. And mamas, if you can take yourself out for a nice date, whatever that may look like for you, I highly recommend it.
The longest relationship we are in is the one with ourselves. It's about time we started to really nurture it.
