One mom on Reddit was put in an extremely awkward position recently, after her friend asked if she could breastfeed her newborn baby. It seems that the friend, who had just welcomed her first, was struggling to get the hang of things, and figured that the Reddit poster — a seasoned mother of four, with a lot of breastfeeding experience under her belt — could offer some assistance. But while the mom was more than happy to provide some heartfelt advice and encouragement, she felt super uncomfortable about being asked to breastfeed the child herself.
Last year, when the woman's BFF found out about her own pregnancy, she was "ecstatic."
"She started asking me all kinds of questions about pregnancy, childbirth, which baby products I recommend, nursing, etc.," the Redditor shared. And the anonymous mom of four — ages 16, 11, 9, and 10 months — was more than happy to offer any insight and support she could.
Still, the friend admitted that she was feeling nervous about breastfeeding in particular.
The mom told her friend that she would be there for her no matter what, and reassured her that it would all work out. Considering she'd breastfed all four of her children, and is currently still breastfeeding her 10-month-old, she certainly has a lot of advice to share.
Plus, the Reddit poster explained, her friend "has no family here and the baby's daddy stepped out of her life." It was clear she needed the support.
To say the friends are close would be an understatement.
Her friend even asked her to be in the room when she gave birth (which of course the Reddit poster said yes to).
"As soon as the baby is born they place him right on her for skin to skin contact," the woman explained, adding that nurses started to encourage the friend to breastfeed right away.
But that's when the new mom's breastfeeding woes began.
"She's trying to get baby to latch and he's just screaming his head off," the woman continued in her post. "I could tell she's getting flustered so I tell her it's okay. I had the same issue with my last. We'll just keep trying."
By the end of the day, her friend's baby had still not managed to properly latch.
When the mom returned to the hospital the next day, it looked like her friend hadn't gotten a wink of sleep.
"She says baby pretty much screamed ALL night," the post continued. "He just won't latch."
The mom then suggested a nipple shield — but it was a bust.
Soon after, a doctor said the baby was losing weight, and told the friend she needed to supplement with formula.
But that wasn't about to fly, since the friend is 100% against formula.
"She calls it 'poison,'" the Reddit mom shared.
But that's when things got weird.
"Then she asked me to please try and latch him to my breast and feed him," the poster recalled.
And it was certainly not a request she'd been expecting.
"I think I was so caught off guard that I may have made a face," she recounted. "I told her I just wasn't comfortable with that and even if he did latch what would she do after I left? She needed to go ahead and supplement."
But instead of relenting, her friend completely flipped -- which made things even more awkward.
"[She] yelled for me to leave since 'I'm not going to be helpful' and she couldn't believe I wouldn't help out a best friend when I 'had promised I would help her with nursing,'" the Redditor shared. And while that was partially true — she clearly had promised to help her friend out with nursing — she obviously didn't think that meant breastfeeding her child if all else failed.
In the end, the mom did leave, but she felt incredibly guilty when she got home.
"I just kept thinking maybe I should have at least tried," she wrote. "I've tried texting her with no response."
Which led her to ask the good people of Reddit: Was she in the wrong after all?
Things got heated pretty quickly in the comments.
For starters, many people were angry that the mom's friend called formula "poison" to begin with.
"Yeah that poison comment is too far," one person wrote. "The logical conclusion to her way of thinking is to find another willing nursing woman or letting her baby starve to death? I hope she’s just sleep deprived and emotional from labor and rethinks that."
"'Fed is best' — absolutely!" someone else wrote. "There are many reasons women may opt to use formula — can't get the baby the latch, not producing enough milk, up to and including just not wanting to — and they're all perfectly valid. And formula absolutely is not 'poison' and the sooner the Original Poster's friend gets over that nonsense thinking, the better."
"Your body your choice," a third person chimed in. "The fact that she thinks formula is poison gives a good idea if her [expletive] up mind set."
A few people thought the haters needed to take a second, though, and realize where her friend was coming from.
"Let's keep in mind she's a first time mom with no family or partner whose baby won't nurse and is losing weight," one commenter wrote. "She's scared, hormonal and completely irrational."
"She's in a hospital — they won't let the baby starve and she will adapt," the commenter continued. "She just got carried away and made an inappropriate request (and followed it up with an inappropriate outburst)."
"While she is wrong and has behaved very rudely and is, honestly, perhaps not making the best choices, she is under SO much stress and pressure," a second person agreed. "I hope she realizes the truth of her situation and you guys can be friends again."
Another person had this to say about it:
"I think OP was absolutely within her rights to say she is not comfortable breastfeeding another person's child, but I also think her friend was probably out of her mind with stress, hormones and worry. Hopefully they can talk it out and move on."
In the end, the Reddit mom said that she's hoping to reach out to her friend and mend the issue soon.
In a later comment, she said that for now she's going to give her friend some space, but reach out in a few days once she's hopefully cooled off. And when she does, she hopes to offer her a bit of advice that may help her.
"I went back to work when mine were 6 weeks old (excluding my current baby, I've stayed at home with him) so I'm familiar with pumping," she explained. "I think in the moment I was caught off guard by her request and didn't have time to think of this alternative. I'm hoping if I give her a day or two she'll text me back."
Here's hoping the friendship gets back on track soon, but also that the mom of four remembers it's OK to have boundaries when it comes to your body. Even it makes others uncomfortable.
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