What is in a name? Does our name really define who we are? A name is just what people call us — it has nothing to do with who we are or what we can accomplish. As Juliet said in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, “That which we call a rose / by any other name would smell as sweet.” We are more than our names.
I've got to say some names are cute and some are unforgettable, but some are just terrible. We remember them for the wrong reasons. Maybe they sound like something else, maybe they’re the name of another item/product/service and sometimes names are just creativity gone wrong.
Some people like to believe that our names set us up for success or failure. The right name can help us reach our dreams while the wrong one can doom us to a life of grief. We don’t believe it. Of course, come to think of it, I’ve never met a good-looking, successful guy named Cletus. It just doesn’t happen. Speaking of which, we've compiled 19 baby names we’d rather forget ever existed.
VELVEETA
Velveeta is not just a plastic cheese. Nope, I once worked with a woman named Velveeta and no, she wasn’t cheesy but she was unforgettable thanks to her unusual name. We're pretty sure that kids might not be down with this name — especially when they're in the cafeteria lunch line.
CHARDONNAY
Wine-loving parents, raise your hands! While Chardonnay is pretty, I see lots of teasing in this poor kid’s future. Maybe we should think before we drink and name our babies. Think about it this way, you can always toast to your child's name without her being mistaken for last year's vintage.
BLAYKELEE
I actually love this name but the spelling is a bit try-hard. I get wanting your child to feel special and stand out, but why make things harder than they need to be? I feel sorry for the kindergartner learning to spell that mouthful in kindergarten.
HASHTAG
I realize we live in a tech-savvy world where everyone is obsessed with social media and everything from emotions to top vacation spots gets its own hashtag, but naming a little girl Hashtag is ridiculous. Just imagine the teasing #funnylooking #whydyourmomnameyouthat.
KaVIIIlyn (KATELYN)
The worst thing about this creative spelling of KaVIIIlyn is that it looks like Ka-vilyn. Honestly, if you didn’t know to look for the roman numeral 8 (VIII) you would have no idea how to pronounce it. Like seriously, let’ not make things harder than they need to be, parents.
ALIVIYAH
Again with the “creative spellings.” I honestly, don’t understand why you need to take a perfectly good, classic name and butcher it trying to make it stand out. Just keep in mind how hard it is to make friends when everyone keeps mispronouncing your first name.
NEVAEH
Not going to lie, this name has always been on my list of worst names. It just seems so cheesy. I get it, your kid is sent from heaven like a little angel but making their name literally “heaven” spelled backwards is not cute.
ARREOLA
Do I even need to say anything? It should be common knowledge that you don’t name your little girl after female body parts. Keep your Breast, Vagina, Clitoris, and Vulvas to yourself. You might think it’s funny, but you are setting your baby girl up for a lifetime of teasing.
MERICA
I have heard of the name America. It’s a way to be patriotic and pay homage to the country you love but Merica is like a joke. It’s a slang of the name for the US by people with a lazy vocabulary and probably a low intelligence. So is that what your baby girl to be called?
CHLAMYDIA
Ok, hold up. Parents, what were you thinking? If you name your daughter Chlamydia, the authorities should come and take your child away. What’s her sister’s name? Papilloma? I don’t care if it “sounds pretty” — you just named your little girl after a venereal disease.
MELANOMA
This parent just named their baby girl skin cancer. Why would you name the little person you created skin cancer? This must be a mistake. Maybe the parents were thinking of "Melanie?" That said, it is a good reminder to put some sunscreen on your baby, whatever her name is.
JIHAD
Apparently, a mom named her 14th child Jihad. In the US, Jihad is thought of as the Islamic term for a war waged as a religious duty, rather than the more peaceful spiritual struggle most Muslims associate the word with. It's probably better to avoid this name in English-speaking countries.
HEN8RY (THE 8 IS SILENT)
Another creative spelling gone wrong. I get wanting to spell your kid’s name differently — I did it myself. But to just make up grammatical rules is something else entirely. Why would you do that? That’s not how rules work. Not only that, but inserting numbers into the spelling without using the actual sound is just confusing.
CLETUS
I don’t know what to say other than the parents must have hated this child. I’m not even sure why this name exists other than to make fun of someone. It is by far the worst boy names there is. While it might have a Greek origin and mean "called forth," it's also the name of a not-so-savvy character on "The Simpsons."
KALE
Hey if Gwyneth is allowed to name her child Apple, I guess it’s a produce free-for-all. Why not name your kid Kale if you’re a die-hard, crunchy granola eating vegetarian mom? It’s actually kind of cute, but again, kids are mean and your little Kale is going to be getting lots of tossing his salad jokes.
MHAVRYCH
This is Maverick spelled completely wrong just to mess with all future teachers and employers. It’s a disaster. As someone who has an unusual middle name, I can tell you from personal experience, it is not fun or cute when none of the teachers can pronounce your name and even worse when not only the dean at your college graduation but the priest at your wedding completely butchers your name and you end up sounding like a disease instead of a person. Oh yeah, that happened.
THEOPOLIS
Never heard of this before? Is it the name of a Greek god? Or did someone make it up? Neither. It’s actually a name and it means “loved by God.” It’s certainly uncommon. While a cool nickname might be "Theo," the full name might get a child mistaken for a crumbling structure from ancient Greece.
PHUK
This Vietnamese name looks harmless enough but how do you pronounce that? You know how you pronounce it. Ph=F. Maybe that’s not a curse word in Vietnamese but if you’re an English speaker and you name your child Phuk, you know what people are going to be yelling out.
YAKSHIT
Apparently, Yakshit is an Indian name, (pronounced Yuk-shidh), but if you look at it without knowing its Indian origins, you’d see that the child was named something unfortunate by his parents. Not cool mom and dad, not cool at all. There's going to be a lot of explaining on this kid's part — like all the time.
