There is nothing worse than having to break your parents' hearts, but sometimes it has to be done. A dad on Reddit knows this all too well after his parents invited him, his wife, and their young infant son to their house for a family dinner — but there's one big problem. The Redditor's dad is a lifelong smoker, and he doesn't know how to tell his parents that he doesn't want his boy in their house. And that isn't the worst of their problems. His father also refuses to wash his hands before seeing their baby — and that's a big problem during the coronavirus outbreak.
The problem is, his father is a constant smoker.
Whether it's in the house or in the car, his father's habit has taken over his parents' lives, he explained in a Reddit post. Thus far, the 29-year-old and his 29-year-old wife have decided to "tip toe" around the issue, and he's accepted that his dad is most likely not going to change.
The real issue is that his father smokes without ventilation, meaning no open window or door to help air things out. So that really means that their house is a nightmare.
"The house gives me a headache from the smoke," he wrote. "My wife has asthma and I’ve taken her to the ER the last two times she’s been because she had attacks. Even my parents clothes smell like smoke."
His mom is happy to stay willfully ignorant of the problem.
She simply "forgets" that anything is wrong whenever her son brings it up. Meanwhile, his father gets furious any time he brings up smoking-related things.
"We were going to explain this to my parents when my wife was pregnant last time we visited town, but my mom got very sick and went to the hospital for some days and bringing it up just didn’t seem like the time since she nearly died," he wrote.
But things are different with a baby in the house.
His parents want the man to come over for a family dinner, "but there’s no way I can feel comfortable bringing my son or wife in the house."
"How can I go about explaining to them the seriousness of this issue so they won’t just brush it off?" he asked.
In an update to the post, his wife explained that things have gotten so much worse since the COVID-19 outbreak.
In a second post from the couple that has since been deleted, it was the wife who explained that they did end up telling her husband's parents that they couldn't come for a visit. On the 12-day visit back to their hometown, they stayed with her parents and stuck true to their word.
"My family follows strict hand washing habits given that it's flu/RSV season, there is a coronavirus outbreak, and one of my sisters is dealing with some immune issues due to a recently discovered underlying health condition," she explained.
At her house, everyone was respectful about keeping things clean.
"Even my 2-year-old nephew had his hands washed before touching the baby," she recalled. "My oldest sister and her husband, who are smokers, would change shirts before holding the baby and refrain from smoking while visiting."
More importantly, she didn't have to ask anyone to keep things clean like they did with her husband's parents.
"Maybe it's because my mom has children with health issues, including asthma, or maybe it's because we have so many kids in my family (I have seven nieces and nephews)," she wrote. "But this is all kind of common sense to us."
On the fourth day of the trip, she and her husband went with her in-laws to see a new baby in the family.
Her husband's cousin recently had a baby, but when they met up at her house things got a little strange.
"They pulled up right as we did, and as I got the baby out of the carseat, my husband walked over to my mother-in-law who was doubled over and declared that she was having chest pains," she wrote. "Meanwhile, my father-in-law walked over to touch the baby, and I said, 'Before you touch him, wash your hands in the house because it's flu season.'"
And yeah ... her FIL didn't love that.
Angrily, her FIL told her that he "'washed his hands in the car,' and then started to yell at me and cuss me out," she wrote.
"He told us that he wouldn't deal 'with this [expletive]' and that we were "causing all these problems in the family," she continued. Worst of all, he reeked of smoke and the night before he was sick to his stomach, so I didn't know if he had some sort of virus."
Her in-laws ended up going to the emergency room, and everyone else seemed stunned that her FIL got all bent out of shape about washing his hands.
The following weekend, things got equally strange at a family member's wedding.
Unbeknownst to the mom, her father called her FIL and told him that he couldn't course at his daughter.
"He told him that he needed to respect our wishes about not smoking around the baby," she wrote. But her FIL was insistent that he be allowed to smoke around his grandchild.
"My dad was not thrilled about how the conversation ended, but he dropped it for my husband's sake," she continued. "He told us about the phone call before the wedding so that my husband was aware in case anyone brought it up."
Of course, they got into it at the wedding.
"My father-in-law did come up to my husband and say, 'Your mom says we can't fight because it's your brother's wedding,'" she continued. "My husband's reaction was kind of like, 'Uh, yeah, I know.'"
And then things got worse.
"As my husband was leaving the wedding, my father-in-law told him, 'Hey, at least get together with your mother so she can see the baby,'" she added. "My husband agreed of course because once again, no one said they couldn't see the baby. We just asked that people wash their hands and not smell like smoke while holding the baby."
Then her husband's parents weren't speaking to them.
Three days later, and there's still no word from her in-laws.
"To add insult to injury, my father-in-law kept leaving passive aggressive comments on my family member's Facebook posts of the baby, stuff like, 'I wouldn't know' and 'Must be nice'" she wrote. But they decided to ignore it.
"We were set to leave in just two days when my husband got a text message from his dad saying, 'YOU need to call YOUR mother,'" she added. Her husband made the call and they met up at his aunt's house the next day, including bringing her a clean shirt to wear while holding the baby, "and we had a lovely visit."
"My mother-in-law finally saw her grandson, and I was so glad, because I really do love her," she added. "My father-in-law is just being such a jerk. And of course, he didn't show up, so he still hasn't met our son."
They weren't willing to take a risk.
There's no telling what will happen in the future, but for now the mom wrote that she's proud that she and her husband stood their ground.
"We refuse to sacrifice our son's health for the sake of civility," she added. "This trip was a real test of my own patience, because I am the confrontational one in the relationship. It took all of my might to bite my tongue and walk away that day at my husband's cousin's house. But I had my baby in my arms, so that made it easier for me."
In the comments, people were cheering both mom and dad on for standing their ground.
"Washing your hands for 20 to 30 seconds and changing your shirt is too much to ask for, so you can meet your grandson?" one commenter wrote. "Absolutely ridiculous! I’m glad y’all didn’t cave in, wishing your son great health!"
"I can’t imagine this will go away quickly, stick to your guns," a second person added.
"I’ve asked everyone to wash their hands recently before holding my newborn," a third commenter chimed in. "The most I’ve gotten from family members has been a gentle ribbing about being overprotective, but then total acquiescence. Your father’s reaction is extraordinary and intolerable."
Under normal circumstances, hand washing and keeping your kids away from secondhand smoke would be nonnegotiable. The current coronavirus outbreak means it is more crucial than ever to wash your hands for a minimum of 20 seconds. We have to give respect to this couple who never were willing to compromise their baby's health.
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