The symptoms arrived overnight without warning and seemingly out of nowhere.Â
My husband, Andy, went to sleep with a faint tickle in his throat — nothing even worth mentioning. He woke from a feverish sleep with the chills, and I immediately grabbed the thermometer: 101 degrees F. We furiously looked up the symptoms of COVID-19, looking for something to tell us that this was an ordinary cold or seasonal flu. He had every single sign of the flu with one terrifying exception that pointed to the coronavirus: tightness in his chest.
We called his doctor, hoping to get a test and guidance. They told Andy not to come in; there are no tests for any but the most extreme cases. They said that if he couldnât breathe to go to the hospital, but otherwise isolate, rest, and hydrate. The nurse said, âGood luck,â as she hung up.
I had been stocking up on nonperishable items for weeks, but I quickly filled an order for meat, eggs, veggies, milk, and other perishables.
I got a delivery confirmed for the next day. Less than two weeks after that night, getting a delivery faster than a week is like scoring a golden ticket. From that moment on, we knew we would have to stay in isolation. Complete and total isolation — with an almost 3-year-old and a dog until … further notice?
My husbandâs fever fluctuated for three days. He also had headaches, sweats, body aches, and chills. But in a stroke of luck, his fever never went above 101 degrees, and while the tightness in his chest lingers, he seems to have a mild case. So I took our son, Conor, and kept him occupied. We did inside activities, and I felt OK. I had some body aches, but it wasnât until cooking dinner on Thursday night, March 12, when I got so flushed that I couldnât tell if it was from the oven or a fever.
I grabbed the nearest thermometer, and the 100.4 degree reading made me question if I was starting my own fight with COVID-19.
Now, at this point, we still didnât have confirmation if it was the flu or the coronavirus. When I had the same symptoms including the dreaded tightness in the chest, we suspected we were a statistic. However, we still had no way to get a test. By sheer luck, I had posted my suspicion about Andyâs sickness on Facebook and got a private message from a friend about a doctor in Huntington Beach, California, about an hour south of us. He had tests and was doing them on patients with symptoms — even if they werenât life-threatening. I called his office first thing Friday morning, and by 2:30 p.m. that day I was driving in my freshly bleach-wiped car to the back alley of his medical office.
When I got there, I pulled back into the alley and texted him that I had arrived.
He said he would be down in a moment, as he had to put on all of his protective gear. He also gave me strict orders about how the test would go: I was to stay in the car, roll down the window, look straight ahead, and not cough. As he came down, we said an awkward "hello," because how often do you meet your doctor parked in an alley while he's talking through layers of protective gear? He put the swab up my nose — WAY up my nose, then said, âOK, you can go.â So I left.Â
As I drove home, I got a text from him saying I did âperfectlyâ and that he would have results in two to three days. In the meantime, Andy and I had to assume that we had COVID-19 and to practice complete isolation — no opening the door, no walks for the dog, and no toddler going outside to get his energy out. Oof. While I tried to (patiently) wait for the results, I also checked my email every few minutes for days.
On Monday night, after three days of anxiously waiting, I was texting the doctor about losing my sense of smell and taste, when he called me.
I had tested positive for COVID-19. I hung up and panicked, but my husband felt somewhat relieved — he now knew that he felt terrible for a reason, that it was all real. He also felt relieved because from what the doctor said, we seem to have a mild case and both of us should recover well. Our fevers had broken, and although 10 days later we still both have symptoms, nothing has been concerning enough for us to be hospitalized.
While I still felt nervous, I tried to relax. Then I realized that as a mom, my biggest fear was for our almost 3-year-old, who usually ends up with bronchitis and on breathing treatments whenever he gets sick. Since this is a respiratory disease, what would that mean for him? But, I am happy to report that so far he has shown NO symptoms — no fever, no breathing problems. He is just as healthy as can be. Our pediatrician told us to monitor him closely and to call if he had a fever over 100.4. In just a couple of days, we will hit the end of the suspected incubation time, and I will begin to breathe a little bit easier knowing it is even more unlikely that he will get it.
So what is it like to have two parents sick, one with a confirmed case of coronavirus, and a healthy toddler?
Tough. There are many other words I could use, but that seems to be the best. I would say that one of the strangest things about this virus that we have experienced is the fluctuations. Since the beginning, one minute we have felt hit by a truck and the next like nothing is wrong. That has gone on for 12 days for Andy. Iâm on day 10, and itâs still the same. The good part of that means that there are some moments that are OK. The bad part is there are moments when our son just wants to play and you canât imagine moving out of bed.
So, just in case there is anyone out there like us, I put together some pieces of advice below. I hope with our proper social distancing and following the advice of our government officials we can stop the spread of COVID-19 and get these numbers down, but I also fear that it is much more prevalent than many of us realize. We have no idea where we got it. We were washing our hands, being careful, and we donât know another person with a confirmed case.
So, while I hope we all stay healthy, if anybody does have the same experience, I have put together my advice on how to parent with the coronavirus:
1. If both parents have it — tag-team! This might be a basic parenting rule, but it's important now more than ever. If one of you is having an upswing moment, take that time to give the kids a meal, a bath, or play a game. Also, tag-team so you can get some sleep. If one of us is having a rough night, the other does bedtime and the morning.
2. When you are feeling good, do something fun! Conor and I have been working on an art project, making letters out of foam. If I feel up to it, we do just a couple more. Today, we hope to make cookies. Sometimes we play a game. It might only be for 15 minutes, but those 15 minutes make a big difference!
3. Throw screen-time and TV rules out the window. We have watched more TV and iPad in the last two weeks, but it has also given my husband and me the time to rest. We get some time to lie down, rest, and hydrate, and not run around after a toddler. We are also trying to watch family shows and movies, so while it might be a passive activity, we are still all doing it together.
4. Give lots of attention and reassurances. We have a particularly emotionally aware and sensitive toddler, and several times when he has had tantrums he has expressed that he doesnât want Mommy and Daddy to be sick. I think he feels nervous, because it's not usually something that he sees. Right now, we donât have a choice. So we tell him that we are getting better and give him lots of attention. We also let him be part of the process by helping take our temperatures and bring us juice. Having some control has helped him feel as if he is part of the process of us getting better.
5. Check the kids' temperature — but not too much! One of the biggest anxieties is that our son will get it, too. But the doctor also assured us that if kids get it, they have been doing extremely well. So, I am trying to monitor him without freaking him out too much.
6. Lean on your family, friends, and neighbors. We have had multiple offers to drop off groceries. We have gotten fruit snacks and waffles for Conor. While it is usually hard for me to accept help, believing I can do it on my own, in this case, I realize that I canât do it at all. I need my friends, my village and my support — for physical help, but also for the emotional help.
In the end, these are strange times. It has been a tough two weeks, and when we can step outside, it will be a beautiful and glorious day.
But, until that day comes, donât forget to write a text message, send an email, make a phone call, and connect with someone you havenât talked to in a long time.
The positive side of this is all of the help we have gotten from people and some virtual strangers. I did an "Ask Me Anything" on a local mom's Facebook page and got more than 100 comments, most of them telling me I was brave for sharing my story, but more importantly, offering to drop off food, toys, medicine — anything that we needed. I'm also posting updates on my Instagram feed. So while getting coronavirus has been hard, difficult, and tiring, there have been positive sides, too.
