It can be so hard to watch a loved one struggle to get pregnant, especially because sometimes the only thing you can do is be supportive from afar. One woman wanted to go the extra mile for a family member in this heartbreaking predicament, so she donated to a GoFundMe account created so the relative could start in vitro fertilization. Things have changed, however, now that her family member has decided that it isn't "God's plan" for her to get pregnant — but has no plans to return the money she raised online. Is she wrong, or is that totally messed up?
All the original poster (OP) wanted was for her family member to get pregnant.
When the relative started a crowd funding campaign, the OP didn't hesitate to donate $500, she explained on Reddit.
Through her crowdfunding efforts the family member was able to raise "an admirable" amount of money.
Think over $3,000. In some cases, that amount of money could be considered a resounding success, but in the world of IVF it was "nowhere near the $10k they need."
Now her family member's story has changed.
She's decided that having kids might not be in the cards for her after all. Not even adoption.
"She isn't looking into adoption because she really just wanted her kid," the Redditor wrote.
The OP was sympathetic -- but also wondered what exactly was going to happen to the money she raised to, you know, have a baby.
"She said that she isn't intending to return the money, because if she had gotten to $10K she WOULD have done in vitro. Note, there was no clause in the GFM that if she didn't reach her goal that the $ would be refunded, that I am aware of," the OP wrote.
So, there is no way she could get her money back unless her family member decided to return it.
The OP later confessed to a different family member that the answer didn't "sit well" with her.
That person obviously didn't feel the same and told the OP she was being "insensitive."
"Am I wrong here?" the woman asked others on Reddit.
In the comments, people had one word to describe the family member's actions.
"Not the A–hole — you donated for one specific reason, not so they could pocket the money," one person wrote.
"'It's her money, and she can spend it how she wants' is wrong," someone else agreed. "She has to spend it with respect to the terms that she promised when it was given to her. A GoFundMe is an agreement, and she isn't holding up her end of the agreement. You should get your money back."
A third person put it bluntly: "She committed fraud."
Other people thought asking for the money back was in poor taste.
"Let it go. This is not a hill you want to die on, especially since you don't need the money," one commenter advised. "They are having to come to terms with a terrible loss, and you are going to come off as the bad guy to everyone. This is one of those, 'Yes, you are right, but you are also an [expletive] moments.'"
"You're the A–hole," someone else agreed. "Awfully tacky on your part asking for the [money] back."
"I would think of it as a gift to them," a third person wrote.
Some Redditors pointed out that GoFundMe has rules about this.
On the GoFundMe help center page, it expressly states that "not using funds for their stated purpose" is considered fraudulent. If the OP wanted to, she could report her family member and possibly get her money back.
But again, we do think this might start a rift in the family. So it's up to the OP if she wants to push the issue even more.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
