Moms of children with food allergies know all too well how the world takes their very real concerns and treats them flippantly. And for those kids and parents, the stakes couldn't be any higher. So although moms can (sadly) expect bristling from acquaintances, they should be able to trust that family will at least have their backs.
One mama is unfortunately not able to sail in that boat, and she recently shared her experience on Reddit.
The mom's 4-year-old boy has a severe allergy to tree nuts and peanuts.
"He has had these allergies since he was an infant and nearly died (I[t] took two EpiPens and an adult dosage of Benadryl to control his reaction)," the mom shared. "He was exposed to another allergen at 3 that nearly killed him as well."
Needless to say, this mama has her guard up 24/7, and it is a good thing she does, too.
"Today MIL brought over muffins for my son," she wrote. "She frequently does this and buys the same brand/mix everything (either blueberry or corn)."
But today, the mom noticed that the mufins looked a little different.
"I asked 'MIL what type of muffins are these? Did you read the label?' MIL replies 'no I didn't they are fine.' I get up and take the muffin off of the plate and go sit down in the kitchen to search the internet for the ingredients. She followed me into the kitchen and asked what's wrong and I told her 'you have to always check the label, I'm checking right now,' the mom wrote.
"She said 'you told me this brand was fine so I didn't check.' I told her 'yes this brand is fine for blueberry muffins and corn muffins but we've never had these muffins so I have to double check. You have to read the label every single time, especially when introducing new food.'"
The MIL met the mother's concern with a dramatic eye roll, which prompted the mom to repeat that checking the label is always essential.
"She looked at me and said 'listen here, you don't need to talk to me like I'm 5. I am a grown up,'" the mom claimed.
"I looked at her and said 'now you listen here. This is my child. I've watched him almost die twice before he was even 4. Certain foods can kill him. What don't you understand? We need to protect him.' She said 'you know what I'm leaving.' As she walked away I said 'I'm his mother and it's my job to protect him. Not reading labels is a life or death situation for us. What don't you get.' She refused to discuss it and left.
"I had to deal with a screaming 4 year old who was upset because I took away the muffin and because grandma left. Once I knew it was okay, I gave him back the muffin. Before bed I explained to him that grandma didn't read the label and I had to makes sure it didn't have something that could hurt him. He understood but it took a while to calm him down," the mom wrote.
Apparently this isn't the first time this has happened with the MIL.
Despite the mom saying her son cannot have chocolate because of the possibility it was produced on the same line as nuts, the MIL apparently went ahead and bought chocolate that was made on the same line as almonds (his most deadly allergy).
"Also, when he was 2 1/2 we were over [at] SIL's house and she left Hershey kisses with almonds on the coffee table," she wrote. "Son's school gives out Hershey kisses as treats. I noticed they were almond ones and immediately put them out of his reach. MIL kept repeatedly putting them back saying I didn't have the right to move things in a home that is not mine. I said 'this can kill him and he doesn't know the difference.' She just looked at me. SIL heard the conversation and panicked and immediately apologized and moved them."
The mom even noted a time when she asked the grandma not to feed him pizza but turned around and saw her feeding him a slice of pesto pizza as she informed her that mom "couldn't" say she wasn't allowed to feed him.
To make matters worse, her husband seems wholly ambivalent.
"My husband and I have repeatedly discussed this and he has witnessed every single time it has happened," she wrote. "He has also failed to address it. We have talked about that issue as well. Today he was at work. I called him and told him what happened and his first reaction was 'well I wasn't there so I don't know what really happened.'
"I said there is no her side or my side in this situation. It's only my side and it is his job as my husband and as a father to support me. I said 'what would you say if I left a loaded gun on the counter? Certain foods can kill him just like a gun.' He said 'I wasn't there.' I began to get emotional and hung up the phone. I didn't answer when he called back 5 times."
Although she knows she has a husband problem to attend to, she also wants advice on how to handle the MIL. Should she ban her from the house when her husband isn't there? Should she keep MIL from entering the house with any food?
Parents rallied around the mom saying she had every right to end the shenanigans now.
"Firstly, she NEVER EVER gets to have him alone because she can't be trusted. She is NEVER allowed to bring food to your house or try to buy him food if you are out together," cautioned one mom who has a food allergy herself.
"If she whines about it," the person continued, "take her with you to your next doctor's appointment and have you doctor explain what her refusal to accept the severity of this could do — she's not listening to your or DH because she doesn't respect you, she thinks you are overreacting and is probably an allergy denier like my exMIL (who deliberately fed me something I'm deathly allergic to and almost killed me — because she wanted to 'test' my allergy because she thought i was making it up. and now she wonders why I don't let her babysit?)"
But commenters also emphasized that she truly has a huge issue with an unsupportive husband who is also, sadly, a threat to her son.
Many suggested she give the husband an ultimatum and don't be afraid to call his bluff.
"You are being marginalised, undermined and gaslighted — by both your MIL and your SO," wrote one user. "How can they not understand the seriousness of this allergy when it nearly killed your infant child twice?!?!"
Moms have to do what they have to do to keep their kids safe. We hope this mama can make her husband see how important it is he take her side on this one.
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