Raising a teenager isn't for the faint of heart. It's the age where so much is coming at them and being a safe place for them to bounce their feelings off of isn't an easy thing to do, but it's important. So many adult concepts exist that teenagers have to deal with, and without having a lot of experience behind them, it's hard. Many teens find themselves in a struggle with body image, and it's important to have adults around them that support them and don't put their own pressures into the mix.
One mom is upset after her sister decided to push her ideals onto her teenage daughter, so she sought the advice of Reddit.
An anonymous mom (OP) posted in Reddit's AITA community to look for advice on how she handled a situation that came up between her sister and her teenage daughter. Her sister is only 23 years old, not too far from the age of OP's 16-year-old daughter.
"My sister is obsessed with her instagram, like she posts 3-4 times a day, she's got an 'appearance' and 'standards'," the mom wrote on Reddit.
Mom says her daughter has struggled for a while with body image.
"My daughter has struggled with her weight for a while, she's 1.8 metres tall And 13 stone, our goal is to get her down to 11 stone," OP added. That means her daughter is about 5 feet, 9 inches and weighs about 182 pounds. She's hoping to lose 28 pounds to weigh around 154 pounds.
Those goals are discussions to be had between mom, daughter, and her doctor, but the sister decided to stick her head into the conversation in a harmful way.
Mom says the argument started when her sister took photos of her teen daughter.
"My sister took a picture of her and my daughter and posted it on Instagram," OP wrote. "My daughter was really excited but when she checked it she got really upset — she hasn't left her room yet."
Turns out, the photos that her sister took of the teen weren't authentic.
"My sister had heavily edited the picture so my daughter looked skinny," OP explained.
Mom was "extremely angry" and called her sister to make her feelings known.
"I was extremely angry and phoned my sister to tell her to take it down/post the unedited photo," OP says. But her sister didn't feel she did anything wrong to her niece. "She refused telling me that she just wanted to show the world what a beautiful girl my daughter was and that she promotes health," the mom explained.
"My daughter is trying to lose weight, it isn't her fault and she's a beautiful, growing girl!" OP wrote. "My sister has crushed her."
OP decided that she would counter her sister's editing and posted a comment to her Instagram photo.
"So I commented 'I'm ashamed, my daughter is beautiful without the heavy editing going on in this photo, be ashamed sister for body shaming a teenager, take this down immediately and apologise,'" OP wrote.
Her sister received a "bunch of negative comments" that resulted in her taking down the photo. OP says her sister "phoned me in tears saying I hurt her and that she's sorry but she didn't mean it etc."
"My husband thinks that I went overkill," she wrote.
OP asked the Reddit community if she was wrong to call out her sister, and commenters came through with advice.
"Your sister is 23, we have all done sh—y things at that age, but she is an adult," one comment read. The comment continued, "Her sh—y actions hurt a child — your child — and all for the sake of her instagram « mission ». You'd be a bad mom if you hadn't done something, fast."
"NTA," another person wrote. "You had the courtesy to call her and ask her first. She is only upset because you called her BS in the comments section. She only removed the photo because she was afraid for her 'branding' and appearing tone deaf."
"NTA, absolutely NTA — you go, momma bear," another person wrote. "As someone who has struggled with weight all my life: this is so damaging. If your daughter had welcomed the photo, that would be another matter, but as you wrote it — it sounds like it hurt her a lot. Your sister should have taken it down immediately, and you (rightfully) commented that she should remove it and she got backlash. I fail to see how this is not entirely her own fault."
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