As parents, there are a lot of things we're going to get wrong with the best intentions. When parenting with a partner, one of the benefits is being able to discuss certain aspects of raising children to try to come up with the best strategic plan. For some couples, tension arises when there is a disagreement on how to move forward. And that's what happened with one dad. He doesn't agree with how his wife is going about a situation at home with their daughter.
The stepdad took to Reddit's AITA to ask advice on a situation he's dealing with at home regarding his stepdaughter and his wife.
"I've basically raised my daughter since she was 12 years old, and she's been my princess considering that she only has brothers," an anonymous dad (OP) started his post.
"She's always been overweight, and my wife has been policing her on it incessantly." OP wrote that they also have two sons at home, and they don't have the same struggles with them as with their daughter.
"She'll let our sons eat whatever they want. Our sons have pretty fast metabolism, so they don't really gain a lot of noticeable weight, which is surprising considering they basically just sit on the couch and play game ALL DAY," OP shared.
The pressure on his daughter from his wife seems to be a growing concern for the dad.
"My wife will tell our daughter that it's not that she doesn't want her to eat what her brothers are eating, it's just that she's watching out for her. It doesn't help that after my step-daughter has eaten her mom will basically force her on the treadmill while her brothers veg out on the couch eating a complete bag of chips by themselves."
It sounds like the pressure to lose weight is heavy on OP's daughter, and he's not sure how to handle it. In addition, the girl has fairly severe anxiety and has begun medication to help deal with it.
"It's gotten to the point where I've caught my wife rummaging through our daughter's BANK STATEMENTS, and basically shaming her for how much money she spends on food a month," OP said. "Our daughter is basically a crying mess while my wife yells at her asking her if she wants to die early of a heart attack or just putting fears in her head."
OP continued to compare how his wife treats their two sons vs. their daughter.
"My step-daughter has a full time job in retail so she's obviously on her feet a lot, and she really enjoys being outside with the dogs and doing stuff around the ranch whenever I ask her to. She's also played sports most of high school," he wrote.
"I really don't know where all of this is coming from, but my wife is horribly stubborn and once she's latched on to an idea she sticks to it."
OP says his wife also asks his stepdaughter some "weird" questions and he's getting red flags about the conversations they have.
"She also does this weird thing where she'll ask my step-daughter if she thinks she's 'ugly' or 'fat' compared to her skinnier cousins who she hangs out a lot with," OP wrote.
The concerned dad says that the cousins his wife is talking about don't have the healthiest lifestyle, saying they, like his sons, just sit around and eat junk food.
"While they're skinny they're not necessarily the healthiest. Also my step daughter will proudly show the wife clothes she bought such as dresses, and my wife always has to say something along the lines of, 'oh well you'd look perfect in that if you were skinnier!' And I can only just listen from the other room wondering why the f–k she thinks tha'’s ok to say."
OP says he's concerned about bringing this up with his wife and wants advice from Reddit.
"I feel like this is something I can't really bring up because my wife will just shut me down by saying something about how it's just a 'girl' thing," OP said, before asking, "Would I be the bad guy if I told her to stop it and let our step-daughter live in peace?"
The Reddit community didn't shy away from giving their advice to the OP, most of them agreeing that the stepdad really should say something.
"NTA oh my god. The best case scenario your wife could achieve is giving your daughter an eating disorder," one person commented. "That's so not okay. I grew up fat and I want to cry just thinking about someone saying one of the things your wife has said, let alone all of them on a regular basis."
"It's way beyond fat shaming if the mum is forcing her on a treadmill," another concerned person wrote in response. "I can't quite say N T A because OP says all he can do is listen and he can't step in because his wife will tell him it's a girl thing. Is that worse than being screamed at, attacked, shamed, bullied, forced on a treadmill all the time? OP HAS to step in."
"My mother did the treadmill thing to me as well," another person commented. "My parents divorced and I don't have to see her ever again. But my relationship with food has never and probably [will] never be the same. I developed ocd after I healed from my eating disorder and even if I don't want to I always look up the calories on everything I eat. NTA but if this continues your daughter is not gonna be the same. She's probably already gonna carry her mother's actions forever in her heart."
"NTA. First off, the stepmom is not 'policing' the daughter's weight. She's emotionally abusing the child," another person wrote. "OP needs to put his foot down before any more damage is done. This is the kind of stuff which leads to therapy or maybe even worse. It's so f—ed up. How can people be so mean? especially to kids."
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