There is a lot of planning and discussion that goes into trying to find the perfect baby name for your baby. It’s a bunch of back and forth, debating, making pros and cons, and then finally agreeing and settling on one. But everyone seems to have an opinion – and sometimes that can get heated. Some families prefer to keep the chosen name private until the baby’s born so they can avoid all those unwanted opinions. That’s what one mom-to-be was up against with her fiancé and her in-laws.
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A mom-to-be (OP) took to Reddit's AITA community to ask its advice on a situation she's having with a baby name.
“So I am 33 weeks pregnant with mine and my fiance’s son,” the mom wrote in a post on Reddit that has since been deleted. “So when my husband was around ten, his older brother died in an accident. The brother was a III. My fiance (and the inlaws) want our son’s first name to be the same as my deceased BIL,” she added.
OP explained that her brother-in-law’s middle name was Donald, and she and her fiancé agreed on the middle name Don to pay tribute to his brother. But that’s as far as she was willing to go.
According to OP, her fiancé and his parents are all pushing for her to give her baby a specific first name.
“The first name in question is a nice name and I would be more than happy to use it if I didn’t have history with it,” she explained. “It was the same name as my abusive ex. This dude was bad. Let’s say the first name is Alexander. I can’t think of the name without thinking of my ex.”
She explained that when her fiancé first suggested naming their son after his brother she was not having it. “He kept persisting, like wouldn’t stop and he was saying things like ‘My brother couldn’t carry on the line, so it’s only fair that I could, and it’s the perfect way to honour his legacy.'”
She held firm but noted that her fiancé didn't let up.
“I know it’s unfortunate but there is no way the kid is sharing a name with my ex,” she wrote. “My fiancé isn’t stopping, and is begging for me to consider a varient of the name eg ‘Alex’ or ‘Xander’, but honestly, I’m trying to move away from my ex and any reminder of him is hard and having a kid with his name would cut the wound deeper.”
The family didn’t let up, either.
“Today, MIL came with the baby blanket that my fiance’s grandma made the brother,” she posted. “It has the name written right across it, and I asked her why she bought it. She said it was for the baby as he has that name. I saw red and I exploded.”
OP said her mother-in-law was pushing really hard for her to reconsider.
She noted in her Reddit post that she asked her mother-in-law how many times she will have to explain to them that she can’t have a child with that name.
Her mother-in-law continued to push, and she recalled the conversation and said to her MIL, “It’s not my problem what names you want me to use. I am carrying and birthing this child so I think I should have the right to veto your suggestions. It’s bad your son died but naming my son after him should be a choice not an obligation.”
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The mom-to-be said her fiancé and her future-in-laws are 'crushed.'
“I feel like I am letting down a lovely family that has [done] so much for me, but if this is the hill I die on so be it,” she wrote.
She asked the community, “AITA for snapping at my fiance and inlaws after they keep insisting that i name our son after his deceased brother?”
The community chimed in with opinions, largely agreeing that this wasn't OP's problem.
She wasn’t the a–hole, one person explained. “You’re not an incubator, you’re a human being. This baby is just as much yours as it is your partners and both should be considered,” the person wrote. “They’re quite hypocritical to say that a name holds significance to them, but yet completely dismiss the fact that the name evokes traumatic history and emotions for you. You already compromised with the middle name. The first name is yours.”
“NTA it’s hard, and I sympathise with the fact that they suddenly lost (I presume?) their oldest child,” a second person wrote. “But your history is as important as his, end of story.”
“Wow. I’m honestly shocked that even your husband is on board with your parents even though he knows exactly what that name means and why it’s a hurtful reminder for you,” wrote another person. “I’m so sorry. You are definitely NTA. I understand you blowing up at them too, how many times can you tell someone the same thing over and over before they get [it]?”
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