One mom has no idea what she should do after she discovered that her 18-year-old son was having sex with her sister-in-law. Originally, she thought that having her brother and his family come stay with them at their farm would be a nice change. Their families could bond, she reasoned. But perhaps her son and his aunt took that spirit a little too literally.
The 44-year-old mom really did have the best of intentions when her 37-year-old brother, his 34-year-old wife, and their two daughters moved in.
They own a house on a large farm, she explained on the r/relationship_advice forum, and because they'd all been working from home they thought "it would be a good chance to stay together as family and for my nieces to spend time on the farm," she explained.
As for the mom, she has three kids of her own: a 13-year-old daughter, a 16-year-old daughter, and a son who's 18 years old.
In hindsight, there were signs that something was going on with her son.
Like when they recently went grocery shopping together and he splintered off from his mom to go buy "gym supplements."
"I saw condoms in my son's plastic bag when we arrived at the house two packs with 36 condoms each so 72 in total (didn't think anything of it thought he had gotten a GF and wanted to be safe)," she wrote.
And then there were his early morning runs with his aunt.
It seemed very "normal" until recently when the mom was baking in the house and realized that she never actually saw them run around the property.
"I asked about it and they said they decided to hit the road (I thought nothing of this everything seemed normal)," she continued. "My SIL and son seemed to have a very good bond."
But she finally saw the light when one morning when she found out what they'd really been up to.
She was coming home from a friend's house before the sun came up when she noticed there was a light on in a cabin that they have on the property.
"I thought maybe one of the employees had forgotten to lock up," she explained. "So I went to close the door and switch off the light as I got closer I heard people having sex and I took a [peek] and it was my son and SIL having sex. I didn't confront them I was so in shock."
She has ZERO clue what to do now.
Does she confront them? Does she tell her husband? Does she tell her brother?
"I've been doing a lot of thinking and I'm sure they have been having sex for a while from the condoms (my son was always at the house, never brought a GF), the morning runs around the farm (do they really go on a run or do they have sex?), the close relationship," she mused.
People in the comments had some ideas about how the mom should handle this mess.
"I grew up on a farm and I'm just going to give you the advice no one here has yet — hide the guns," one person advised. "Lock them up in a safe if you have one and put the key in a new place. No matter how you handle this it's gonna be bad."
"Tell husband first, then brother when son (and SIL + kids if possible) is out of the house," someone else suggested. "Come up with a plan with your husband to get them not living in your house anymore. Get a therapist for your son. No matter how 'consensual' this was, he's still young and this was a trusted family member who went after him. The months of lies alone will make him question his own integrity and could lead to issues.
"Lock up the weapons, not saying anything about your brother at all, but desperate people do desperate things," the person continued. "You never know how anyone involved will react. Hope for the best, plan for the worst."
A third person agreed.
"Tell your husband then sit down and talk to your son together, away from everyone else. Say, 'I know you and your aunt have been having sex. I need [you] to tell me what's going on,'" the person wrote. "Do not elaborate and do not tell him what or how you know. He will spill more information this way than if you give him details, because that means he can't lie as easily. Then get him and ALL of the kids out of the house before you talk to your brother."
The mom decided to take their advice.
In an update to her original post, she shared that she first went to her husband (who could barely believe it was true) and then her son, who'd seen her first post online and already knew that his mom knew about the illicit affair.
"He didn't deny anything, he confessed," she wrote. "He told us him and SIL have been having sex since February last year (he was 17 at the time). My son said it started on SIL's birthday party he attended they got drunk and had sex in a bathroom and they have been meeting at hotels ever since and sneaking off at family gatherings."
She wrote that her son told her the SIL initiated their first encounter and was the one setting up hotel rooms, buying him meals and giving him "an allowance."
Her husband was furious.
He sent their son to stay in a condo they owned "in town as he didn't want to see him in front of him at this moment."
"When my son was gone my husband stormed into my brother's room and told my brother everything (SIL was not in the house at that moment)," she continued.
As expected, her brother was also steaming mad.
He demanded to know where his nephew was to "teach him a lesson," but the parents refused to tell him. Meanwhile, her SIL never returned — which means her brother called her or her son tipped her off.
"In all the screaming and shouting my daughters heard everything and are devastated that their family might be ruined they miss their brother and are afraid my husband won't ever let him in the house again," she wrote. "My husband hates all forms of infidelity to the core and has always drilled this in our two eldest children that they must never cheat on anyone or be in a relationship with someone in a relationship."
The mom has no idea she'll ever face her brother again.
He won't answer her calls or texts, and her husband advised her to give him space to "heal."
"My son has left the condo because he is afraid of what my brother will do to him and is now hiding at a friend's and he won't tell us which friend," she wrote. "No word on SIL."
It is probably best if her brother and his family leave the farm and allow them to work through things on their own, while she and her husband work together to get her son into therapy. Hopefully he can both get the support he needs but also realize that his actions have MAJOR consequences.
