Dad Says MIL Told 8-Year-Old Daughter That Her Mother’s Death Was ‘His Fault’

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CW: Discussion of suicide. 

Depression can be a lifelong, heartbreaking battle for those who suffer from it, as well as their partners. For a dad who took to Reddit's JUSTNOMIL subreddit recently, seeing his wife through her mental illness ended in a terrible way. And now, her mom is making an already awful situation even worse — by telling the man's daughter that her dad was responsible for her mom's death.

The man explained that he lost his wife to severe depression two years ago after they had been together for 11 years.

"She was a recovering addict," he wrote. "She started struggling with depression since she gave birth to our 8-year-old daughter, she was in constant anxiety, feeling pain and couldn't specify the cause, she was self-medicating to manage the symptoms and ended up relapsing after being clean for years, It had been an incredibly difficult phase in our life, I tried to balance looking after our daughter while getting her into therapy, but she stopped and became hostile and isolated herself from me and our daughter. She took her life on June 23, 2018." 

Clearly dealing with her heartbreak in a troubled way, the OP says his MIL physically assaulted him upon hearing the news about her daughter.

"She tried to make a scene at the funeral," he recalled. "Two days after the funeral, she showed up at my house, and took my wife's belongings, and stole the necklace I gave my wife (she used to wear it all the time so mother-in-law must've noticed the sentimental value the necklace had). She refused to give it back despite being asked about it several times. She thought I was selling the house so she said she wanted to get money from that. I was no longer able to handle her so I cut contact with her family for several months."

The whole situation was extremely tough for the grieving man and his daughter.

But soon, his MIL started to come around to see her granddaughter "projecting a false image of being the loving, caring grandmother, while she and the rest of the family hinted that they were no longer interested in having a relationship with me, but they still wanna see my daughter, and she made sure to get the message across in a very menacing, very deceitful manner," noted the OP. "She's literally made my life a living hell."

He explained that he doesn't see them or visit or attend family events; he just drops his daughter off to visit for a few hours and then picks her up.

Last weekend, after picking his daughter up from a visit, she started crying and yelling at her father.

She yelled, "You let mommy die," according to the bereaved dad. "I was stunned," the OP wrote. "I stood there completely shocked. She said that her grandma told her that I was the reason her mom died because she got very sick, and I didn't help her. The whole family believes I'm somehow responsible for my wife's death."

The man told his daughter that what her grandma told her isn't the truth.

"I told her that her mom died because she was very sick and there was nothing anyone could've done," the OP noted. "I know that, at some point, when she's old enough, I'm going to have to explain everything to her."

He then called his MIL and confronted her, telling her she would no longer be seeing her granddaughter. Her response was to "go nuts" and threaten her son-in-law. 

"I only care about my daughter's mental wellbeing and having a relationship with her without having misplaced blame and outside influence trying to make my own daughter hate me," wrote the OP. "What [my MIL] did was way out if the line and she needed a f—ing reality check [a long] time ago."

To make matters worse, the OP's daughter is "being quiet all the time, she's refusing to do the things we used to do together, she doesn't even ask for my help anymore," lamented the OP.

The father concluded that he "can't take this anymore" and wished that his MIL would just leave him and his daughter alone.

Faced with the OP's distressing story, Redditors jumped to comfort him. "This is absolutely heartbreaking, I'm so sorry for your loss," one wrote. "Have you thought to put your daughter in therapy? I would highly recommend that as your DD will have a person that she can be totally honest with. She needs a place to speak about her broken heart."

Another pleaded with the OP, "Please get an attorney, and then, a therapist for your daughter! These two things need done right now. Please don't wait."

A third wrote, "Your daughter has enough to deal with, I can't believe your MIL would be so cruel as to tarnish your daughter's relationship with her one remaining parent. That is abuse, and this woman is awful. She chose to hurt your daughter because she can't control her feelings. That's abuse, period, and your daughter needs to be protected from it. I'm so sorry for your loss and pain." 

The commenter continued offering the OP warm words of wisdom: "Please let your daughter know that you both loved her mother very much, and would have done anything to keep her here. Tell your daughter that you love her very much and always will. And then keep showing her as much, it's all you can do, and it's very comforting when actions and words match." 

Here's hoping this family can find the healing they so need.

If you or someone you know has expressed suicidal thoughts, please let them know they are not alone. Text START to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741, or visit the Suicide Prevention Resource Center at www.sprc.org.