It can sometimes be challenging for parents to figure out what kinds of boundaries to set for teens who are in that in-between phase where they might legally be an adult but they still live with mom and dad. Having an 18-year-old can mean having to rethink the rules for things such as curfews, vaping, driving, and, apparently, whether it is OK to have sex in the backyard pool!
Well, that last one might not be an issue for every family, but for one dad and his son, it was the subject of a big fight and a very awkward afternoon. After catching his son having sex in the family pool, a dad on Reddit banned the teen's girlfriend from coming over. Now he's second-guessing his decision and asking the Am I the A–hole community what it thinks.
More from CafeMom: I Posed as a 14-Year-Old Boy on TikTok To See What the App Would Show Me; My FYP Was Scary
The original poster shared that he works a lot and his younger sons are in summer camp. His oldest son graduated from high school this year.
"He wants to spend the summer hanging out with his friends and girlfriend until he starts college online," the OP wrote in a since-deleted post. "He worked exceptionally hard to get into the school he got into, so I am allowing him to do whatever instead of working or babysitting his younger brothers."
The dad came home early one day recently and saw his teen's girlfriend's car in the driveway but assumed they were doing something innocent like "watching Netflix."
'When I came in, I could see the patio door was open and heard splashing,' he wrote.
The dad went outside to say hi, and that's when he saw his son and his girlfriend "going at it like a porn movie."
"In fact, my son was recording it with his phone," recalled the OP. "He looked at me like he saw a ghost, and all I said was, 'So this is what you do all day?' I didn't mean it as a joke or to be serious. It's all that I could come up with."
Recording it with his phone? Yikes!
The dad went to his home office, and the girlfriend left.
Then the teen had the audacity to tell his dad that it "was not cool to creep up on them like that."
The OP's response: "I reminded him it was my house and what if his mother or brothers walked on him? He said he wasn't doing anything wrong and he wasn't a little kid. He said I was being stupid and his sex life was none of my business. So I told him since I had no idea if they were doing it on other places like the kitchen table or my bed, I couldn't trust him, so she wasn't allowed over anymore."
The dad then turned it over to the subreddit to ask if he was the jerk for making that call.
Redditors offered the OP a mix of responses. Several thought the dad could have been a bit more thoughtful.
One commenter noted that the dad could rein it in a bit.
"I think you're overreacting a bit to ban him from bringing his girlfriend over. That kind of decision destroys trust and breeds resentment," the person wrote. "Why not have a calm discussion and set boundaries? It was unexpected, and I'm sure your son didn't purposely have sex in the open for you to see it. Seems like he genuinely thought he had the house to himself that day. You said it yourself, it was rare for you to come home early that day.
"Embarrassing things happen. It's life," the person continued. "A simple act of courtesy will go a LONG way. All you had to do was explain that the bedroom is for the sex and for them to be sure there's nobody around to see/hear it. Privacy for everybody; everybody wins. Now, if you already had the 'talk' with him, and he continued to not respect the boundaries you both agreed on, then yes, drastic measures like banning his girlfriend is appropriate."
Another commenter pointed out the obvious – his son is 18.
"18-year-olds have sex. It's not like he knew you'd come home early that day and wanted to parade his sex life in front of you… About not wanting them to have sex around the house, ask them not to. Banning her from the house is too much," the person wrote.
"And just in case you think it's necessary to talk about it now, if you don't they'll see you as one of those adults who are afraid to talk about sex, and if there really is something they need to talk about, they will never go to you," the commenter continued. "And as you seem like a responsible parent, you probably wouldn't want that."
Other commenters were taken aback by the teen's behavior.
"He got caught, and he got defensive," wrote one Redditor. "From your description of his reaction to seeing you, he knew what he did wasn't okay, so he decided to turn it around on you for 'creeping up on them.' I don't know if you would have banned his girlfriend no matter what, but it sounds like you only went there because he kept pushing and making it clear that he felt entitled to have sex anywhere the mood takes them."
Another commenter was just downright embarrassed, writing, "I'm cringing so hard on behalf of you, your son, and his girlfriend right now. Yikes on bikes."
The bottom line for the most reasonable Redditors was that the OP should have a more productive conversation with his son.
As one commenter put it, "Time to simmer down and try a conversation about safe sex and the absurdity and possible legal ramifications of recording it if relationship goes south, gets shared, etc. Telling him she can never come over pushes him away."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
