Most of the time when we hear about extended breastfeeding, it's a mom trying to decide when or if she should stop. But that's not the case with one letter writer who penned a letter to the Care and Feeding advice column. Apparently, her 6-year-old has been asking to breastfeed after watching her 2-year-old brother happily nurse while they're stuck at home. The real question is, if her 6-year-old wants to breastfeed, should she let her?
Before the pandemic, the mom explained that she was slowly weaning her "25-month-old" off of the boobs.
But stuck in their small apartment all day long, well, the weaning process has pretty much stopped.
"In general, I've almost always been happy to breastfeed on demand," the mom wrote in her letter. "Breastfeeding has always been simple and easy for me, and both of my kids enjoyed it."
The real issue is her 6-year-old daughter.
They weaned her eldest way back when she was a year old, but now she's been asking to nurse again.
"This comes up almost every day," the LW explained. "She's surprised me by latching several times (as in snuck up and jumped my free breast while I'm feeding the toddler), and when I gently have conversations about why she would want to breastfeed, she just gets so relaxed and a dreamy look comes over her eyes, and she says 'Oh, it's just so soft, and the milk is so warm and yummy.'"
Now the mom is "perplexed."
She couldn't have dreamed that her 6-year-old would be interested in breastfeeding, "let alone be able to articulate her reasoning so clearly."
"And she really seems so hurt when I try to explain that she's a big girl now and has so many other great things to eat," the mom wrote.
The mom makes enough milk that if she wanted to nurse her daughter from time to time, she could do it.
But she's "completely freaked out" about the ramifications of breastfeeding her big kid.
"I mean, which is worse: breastfeeding a 6-year-old and having her realize how odd that is when she's older, or denying a 6-year-old for perhaps no good reason and having her feel rejected and left out?" the mom wondered.
Together, the mom and her husband have tried to explain that there are many perks of being a "big girl."
They've also tried to increase the amount of snuggles and hugs she gets — to no avail.
"She just really wants to breastfeed. We've also given her tons of actual milk (warm too), but it just isn't what she's looking for," the mom wrote.
"If you know of a great way to deny a 6-year-old a working boob that doesn't crush them emotionally during the already stressful situation of a [global health crisis], or if you think there's even a chance that breastfeeding a kid that old won't create other problems, please let me know!" she added.
Sometimes you have to put your foot down with your kids and stick with it.
Or so says the comment section, who thought the letter writer would be nuts to let her daughter back on the breast.
"You are allowed to say 'no' to your children," one commenter reminded her. "You are also allowed to follow it up with 'because I said so' and have that be the end of it. They need to respect your 'no' even without knowing or respecting the reason."
"Big Kid Wants To Nurse: No. Just no. Wean the TWO-YEAR-OLD immediately, switch to bottles if you must, but DO NOT let your 6-year-old child breastfeed," someone else advised. "Give her extra attention without the baby attached, because that's what she really wants from you."
"The 6-year-old is jealous of the attention the younger sibling is getting and is probably anxious about everything that's going on and wants to regress," a third person agreed. "Don't start nursing a long-weaned 6-year-old, but figure out how to spend more time and attention on her."
At least one other person thought it couldn't hurt.
"There's nothing sexual about breastfeeding. I'm sure most people would agree with that in principle, but I'm not sure how else to explain all the shock and horror at a 6-year-old watching her younger sibling breastfeeding and asking to join in," one commenter wrote.
"It's no different than asking to try her sibling's bottle or pacifier. Except that there is an element of physical and emotional closeness that I'm sure is adding to her feelings of being left out. That doesn't mean mom should say yes, but I honestly don't think it would be any more harmful, or any more likely to re-create a habit, than letting her try a bottle."
Columnist Nicole Cliffe definitively agreed with the naysayers. Six is too old to nurse.
After lightly teasing the letter writer for still using months to refer to her 2-year-old's age, Cliffe recommended that the mom stay strong.
"You have said no, you have explained why, there is literally no reason to start again," she added. "It's always a problem to teach your kid that if they just keep working you, you'll give in and say yes to something you have very clearly said no to."
The mom should absolutely give her daughter more affection, she suggested, but make it clear that breastfeeding will not be an option.
"Just hold the line," she added. "She's a big girl and she gets to do big girl things and that's great — she is too big to breastfeed. I don't have a precise This Is When You Stop Breastfeeding guideline for other people's children, but I do think 6 is too old, and, more importantly, you said no and you should stick to it."
