When your spouse is dying, it can be unimaginably hard to watch his or her condition disintegrate. It can be even more of a struggle to make sure that all of the person's wishes and boundaries surrounding their death are met. That's something a wife is struggling with as her husband's health continues to deteriorate. Despite his clear wishes, she can't seem to get a handle on relatives who are slipping his abusive parents information about his condition. But, as she argued in her post on Reddit, is she really in the wrong for making sure his family stays out of his business?
As the wife explained in her post, her husband has "an aggressive terminal disease."
Despite knowing this, he's decided not to tell his parents anything about his prognosis.
"They know he is terminal," she wrote in her post. "And they know he is currently in the hospital. He was supposed to come home by now, but there have been several setbacks."
Unfortunately, now they aren’t even sure if the 35-year-old will be released or if he will go into palliative care. "It is his choice to keep his parents not up to date on everything going on with his health," she wrote.
The bottom line is that his parents were mentally and emotionally abusive to her husband his whole life.
Therefore, he has zero interest in them being there for him as things get worse.
"He wants nothing more than to believe they have changed and that they love him, but they keep pulling crazy crap," his wife continued. "So, for personal reasons, and safety reasons, he has decided not to keep them updated on his condition from the hospital."
She later explained that one of the terrible things they did was steal donations people made to their child while her husband was sick.
"So, they are willing to use their son's terminal illness and their only grandchild's name to get money for themselves," she wrote.
The decision to cut them off was made with clear eyes.
"He is still alive, he is conscious, and he is thinking clearly. So, as far as I am concerned, it is his choice," she explained.
The issue is that her father and his girlfriend aren't being quite as respectful. They believe his parents have the right to know what's going on with their son and have been slipping them updates.
"Which led to a [expletive] storm at the hospital when they found out they couldn't visit and the hospital would not give them an update," she wrote.
The woman tried to explain to her father that he needs to stop sharing her husband's private information.
She reiterated that all he was doing was betraying their trust. At first, her dad agreed to cool it, but of course that wasn't really the end of things.
"Today, while I was over, I heard [her dad and his girlfriend] talking to his parents again. I am so p—ed," the OP wrote.
"I told them that they had no right, and my husband was an adult and capable of making his own decisions and they violated that right," she continued. "And from now on, we would not be giving them any updates either, and they can just wait until they read the obituary. "
If they can't stop, "I don't want anything to do with them," she added.
Now her father and his girlfriend decided to turn the tables on her. They think she's the jerk because "they are family" but as far as she's concerned "my husband still has the right to be treated with dignity and respect and privacy. And he doesn't owe anyone updates on his condition," she wrote.
The comments section agreed that his parents had lost their right to know anything about their son.
"It's his decision. They can [expletive] off," one person wrote.
Another person was sorry the wife has to go through this. "In the midst of losing your husband, you have to deal with this. Fight the good fight to protect your husband's wishes."
A third commenter agreed that she wasn't doing anything wrong.
"[T]hese people have shown you that they can't be trusted with information, and your [in-laws] have shown you that they don't deserve to get updates, etc. Protect your husband, and do what you need to take care of yourself, too."
At least one person had a different perspective for the wife when it came to news getting out.
"On a technicality, in my opinion, You're the a–hole. Here’s why," the person explained. "Asking people not to share information, good to go. Thinking you can control people ('not allowing xyz') kinda TA. If you share information, consider it public. It's like loaning money to a friend. It's good faith, but it's literally out of your hands now, and you cannot control people. Believing you can, makes you TA."
Later on, the woman explained that her father is usually very trustworthy, and him sharing the information created even more problems.
"He has never done anything like this before. Ever. And since he is my father, I have known him all my life, so I know him well," she added.
But she also made it clear that it wasn't just a small oopsie.
"They created a security risk," she continued. "They also shared that no one was home during the day and at night me and my young child were home alone. Which resulted in his family trying to force their way in and me needing to call the cops and change the locks. I wouldn't say that is a 'so what' scenario."
We think the OP needs to protect her husband and honor his wishes. Only he gets to decide what kind of relationship he has with his parents at the end of his life — no one else.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
