A couple on Reddit say they were dying to meet their adoptive twins, but there was just one big problem — the babies' biological mother decided she wanted to name them. Disappointed, the couple took to the internet with their tricky dilemma and wondered — would it be so wrong if they pushed to name the twins themselves?
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The 25-year-old woman and her 29-year-old husband were in the process of adopting 'two cute little twins.'
They even already reached an agreement with the twins’ 15-year-old biological mother, who doesn’t want to raise them.
“She's the daughter of a friend of a friend of ours and somehow it got through that we wanted to adopt so her family called us as soon as they knew that [she] was pregnant,” the wife wrote in a post on Reddit's AITA forum. “We've been with her all her pregnancy and even if she doesn't want to be a mother, she will still be able to visit the twins as often as she wants because we live in the same city.”
As soon as the pair learned that it was boy-girl twins, they started to come up with names.
“We decided on the names Ellie and Evan,” the original poster wrote. Little did they know that the bio mom had picked out names too — Walter and Agnes.
“She didn't choose them because of a relative, just because she thought they sounded cool,” the OP explained. “I don't think I have to mention how outdated the names are and [my husband] and I simply don't like them.”
Even if the twins’ bio mom HAD picked out the perfect names, the OP felt like these were her kids so it should be her decision.
Besides, the bio mom already said she doesn’t want to be involved in raising them, the OP and her husband will legally be their parents, and they’ll be sharing their last name, so shouldn’t they get a say?
“[Bio mom’s] family is upset with us for not accepting their real names and is threatening to look for new parents,” she wrote. “Her sister told us that they are just bluffing and hoping for us to back off.”
Some people thought the OP and her husband had every right to name their babies.
One commenter reasoned that the issue was a huge red flag: "Are you sure you want to have an open adoption? If they’re willing to argue about the kids names, they’re going to be all over you about other things also."
"Plus, threatening to find another family?" another commenter noted. "I would absolutely do a closed adoption, or find another mother. I know how arduous the process of finding a pregnant mother is, but I wouldn't trust this girl."
"If you're adopting the kids, then you get to name them — but I will say that her choice of names might seem outdated, but those style of names are very on trend right now," a third commenter explained.
Other people thought OP needed to let the kids' bio mom have a say.
"I am adopted and I have both my adopted parents chosen name and my ‘original name’ (first names)," one commenter shared. "I really like it, it gives me a sense of connection and comfort in being adopted. That said it will be your children, but as an adopted child I can only say I did appreciate my adoptive parents keeping my name (I was 6 months when I was adopted for reference)."
"[You're the A–hole]," someone else commented. "She is their mother. You have ZERO claim to HER children and are already acting as if you are an authority, you aren't. They are not your children. I hope she decides to keep her babies and gets the love and support she needs or at least for those babies to be kept with their real family."
A third commenter thought she was definitely in the wrong: "I’ve volunteered in adoptee advocacy for years. This is a big issue amongst adoptees and bio parents. Many of them resent name changes and feel a name change erases their history. I would respect bio mom’s wish to keep their birth names."
She continued, "I’m sure there are adoptees who don’t care, or preferred a name change, but there are enough out there that don’t like it, and that should be taken into your consideration. Please go into some adoptee centered spaces and spend some time reading and listening to them, as they are the best source of info for raising adopted children.
"I’m sure this is an unpopular opinion for people who think adoption is a universally good thing," the commenter concluded, "but given the trauma that goes along with adoption, it doesn’t make it any less true."
Later in the thread, OP wrote that they'd be willing to compromise — a little.
"We are considering the name Ellie Agnes but we will not name the boy Evan Walter," she wrote in an update.
They've decided to look into a lawyer, but they're hopeful that things could go their way.
"We have talked to [Bio Mom's] sister and she told us that [she] begged her parents not to look for other couples as she wants us as her babies' parents," the OP wrote. "She has been telling them that for the last few days, no idea why [her] sister didn't tell us that before."
And as for the bio mom's baby name picks, she had a few choice words: "I'm raising babies, not a retired couple for f—'s sake."
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