
Co-parenting is sometimes a challenge. It can be even more complicated when you aren't the "fun parent." No matter how hard you try, your co-parent always seems to win your child's affection, which can be emotionally and physically draining. But just because you don't like it, should you have the right to shut it down and keep your child to yourself?
A mom posted in Reddit's AITA Forum asking for help with her current conundrum. She and her ex are in a decent co-parenting situation, but recently her daughter has starting wanting to spend more and more time with he dad because he is fun and buys her things. Basically, life is a party when she's with him. He wasn't always around, but now that he is, he is the clear favorite. The original poster is over it, and she would rather just cut him off and have her daughter all to herself. She wonders if that makes her an a–hole.
Dad wasn't always around.
OP explained that she and her ex have a daughter, Lucy. OP and Lucy were pretty much on their own for the first 10 years of her life, and then Lucy's dad came back into the picture. OP is a bit salty over the whole thing, but they make it work.
"My ex is exactly the fun parent. He came back into our lives 4 years ago when our daughter Lucy turned 10 and all the hard work was over. Lucy loves him of course. We each have her 2 weeks a month and every time she is with me she is constantly trying to go back to her dad," she shared.
Lucy would rather be with her dad than her mom.
Of course, being the fun parent, Lucy's dad is always spoiling her. She loves her time at his house and would rather be there than with her mom. Lucy is constantly comparing her parents, and OP is over it.
"Every time she is there she comes back with new stuff and clothes and constantly talks about the new thing she did with her dad like 'dad t[a]ught me how to play chess you never do this' or 'dad and I played [base]ball you don't play with me,'" OP explained on Reddit.
Now, Lucy has started lying to be with her dad.
Lucy really wants to be with her dad and has started lying to her mom so she can spend more time with him. She recently told her mom she was going to a sleepover at a friend's when she was actually going to her dad's, and OP busted her.
"The other night she told me she is going to have an sleepover at her friend's home and turned out she was lying to me and going to her dad instead and when I brought her back home she was yelling at me the entire time and saying she hates me and I should just let her live with her dad," she explained.
OP wants to completely cut off Lucy's dad.
OP and Lucy's dad don't have a formal custody agreement, and she has full custody of Lucy. OP is so tired and over everything that she wants to keep Lucy to herself and cut off her dad.
She wonders if that is the wrong thing to do. Her family is totally against the idea, but she is torn.
Redditors think OP is acting pretty jealous.
OP was there alone for the early years when things were exhausting and that will always be in the back of her mind. Is she jealous that she was in the trenches by herself and now her ex gets to swoop in for party time? Some think so.
"YTA Parents that weaponize their children against the other parent really need to take a step back and evaluate themselves. Letting jealousy take over like that is a big sign of unfit parenting," one person pointed out.
She would be the a–hole if she tries to separate Lucy from her dad, one person pointed out. "Your jealous you've got full custody and want your daughter to praise all the things you do for her. Which is a lot, but he's her dad. You chose to have a baby with him and she will grow to resent you if you tell her she can't go see him. Edit also why haven't you taught her to play chess or played baseball or sports in the yard together. That's family bonding."
"Although she is young, she can make up her own mind, also its abusive and will make her HATE you more! You sound so jealous maybe try doing stuff with her rather than complaining," someone else wrote.
People wonder why OP wouldn't want her daughter to have a relationship with her father.
He is her dad. Shouldn't he get to spend time with her too?
"You're just going to cause her to resent and hate you so much if you keep trying to get in the way of her spending time with her dad. And maybe if he spends more time with her, he'll have to take on more of the responsibilities that he's always shied away from," one person commented. "It may not just be that he's fun, but that he's very PRESENT. But it's easier to be present the more limited your time is with your child. She missed many years with him and I'm sure there was a ton of joy in all that hard work you did the first 10 years."
"Your child is going to dislike you even more if you don't let her see her dad," one person warned. "Why don't you try spending time doing new stuff with her in the time you have with her."
"You shouldn't punish her for having a good relationship with her dad," someone else wrote. "The lying is obviously not good, but is there a reason she felt the need to conceal that she was going to her dad's? Because she shouldn't need to conceal that. Did she know it would upset you?"
Some think that OP should give Lucy what she wants.
"Proper plan: Let her stay over there LONG term, like as long as it takes. He'll realize parenting isn't just smiles and toys all the time," one commenter suggested. "He'll get a slap in the face of the reality of parenting. He'll be tired and get short with her, she won't wanna be there when she sees the side of Daddy that can't handle all the fun and games."
"Let her go and live with dad, I know it's hard I've been there myself. You can't stop her from seeing him and the more you try the more you will push her away," a person empathized.
"From everything I've read on this sub, you're taking the wrong approach. Let her live with her dad. It won't last," someone else chimed in "Dad won't be the fun parent when he has to parent all the time. Right now he's a part time parent, its easy to be fun. When he's the main parent, as you have been, he'll soon lose the fun."
OP, you need to be careful.
Yes, it sucks that you were there for Lucy every minute of every day for 10 years and suddenly your ex showed up to take all of the glory. We can see where that would be super hurtful, but you must take a deep breath and set the example. You need to let Lucy see her dad. Family is important, and if they want to be in each other's lives, you should encourage that relationship.
Think about how many people would give anything to have their parents. While Lucy and her dad are together, maybe practice some self-care: get a pedicure, an iced coffee, or go for a long walk. You have put in a lot of years, and you deserve a break.
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