No matter how close we are with our friends, things tend to change once we have kids. Even if we grew up together and experienced life the exact same way, as we grow older, life is different. Raising our children alongside our best friends may seem like a dream come true, but unfortunately, we might find that our parenting styles are different. Those differences can lead to disagreements and in one mom’s case, possibly the end of her friendship.
A pair of best friends have been through a lot together in 15 years, including marriage and having kids. But as their children grow older, it’s apparent their lives and parenting styles aren’t the same. One of the moms posted about a dilemma in Reddit’s parenting sub.
The original poster admits she’s a bit crunchier than her bestie, who allows her kids a lot sugar and screen time. OP does her best to limit those things. Plus, OP’s friend doesn’t get much support from her husband and does a lot of her parenting in “survival mode.” These differences are making it hard for OP to stick with the friendship.
“Recently, we went out for ice cream (at a restaurant) and she got her kids large ice-creams, and we went for a kiddie. She clearly was annoyed by it. During it, her daughter ran over to a freezer with ice cream cakes and dumped one on the floor and was screaming (very loudly) and running everywhere,” OP explained. “My son started running and screaming too and I took him outside and talked to him. There’s been many other times she’s offered my [kids] soda, candy, etc and I said no.”
OP’s bestie told her she feels mom shamed because OP doesn’t let her son play on an iPad with her kids and doesn’t give him as much sugar as she does. The whole situation is getting ugly fast.
“I’m just not sure what to do. I love her so much, and am empathetic to her situation with work, and not having much help. I want her to be whatever parent she wants to be, but I don’t want to feel like I have to sacrifice my own beliefs to do that,” OP wrote.
Lots of parents chimed in to give OP advice.
“The most adult way to do this is sit down with your friend alone and say look you are entitled to parent however you want, but I won’t change the way I parent to fit how you parent,” someone wrote. “If it makes you feel bad that isn’t my intention but then maybe we should only get together without the kids.”
Others felt like OP might sound more abrasive than she realizes.
“If you want to come off like you aren’t judging you should probably stop saying she lets her kids do whatever they want….I imagine she picks up on those micro aggressions because you do judge her,” someone suggested.
Another person felt like OP and her bestie just need to power through.
“Remember that some phases of life require shifts in relationships,” the commenter wrote. “This may just not be y’all’s time. doesn’t mean you won’t be close again in the future, the relationship might just look different for a bit. Agree you should still communicate your love & support to her but know that’s challenging.”
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