Most parents hope and pray their children have the good fortune of finding decent people to befriend. We all know that the influence we have on our children wanes as they age. Their friends begin to play a pivotal role in their growth and development. They have a larger hand in the information (or misinformation) to which our children are exposed. And they can directly shape the choices they make.
So it’s important that they choose friends wisely. One boy recently had to make a choice about a potential friend. His mother shared the story on Threads and sparked quite the debate.
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Ariana’s son received a surprising invitation.
Ariana, a mom who goes by the handle @runeatwinesleep on Threads, wrote about her son’s social calendar. “My kiddo was invited to a birthday party and was very unsure of if he wanted to go. He said, ‘He never talks to me. We’re not really friends. I mean, I WANT to be his friend but he never talks to me.”
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The mom said her son doesn’t have to explain his ‘no.’
After a couple days of mulling it over, the mom and her son decided that he would miss the party. She’d never heard her son mention this boy before. She assumed that they didn’t hang out at school. Perhaps she surmised that without a relationship in real life, attending his party might not be the best idea. Later, she explained that she wants her son to know that he doesn’t have to say yes to every invite and he doesn’t owe anyone an explanation if he turns it down.
She wrote that there’s still time in the school year for the two to establish a friendship but her son doesn’t have to attend the party in order to do that. Lastly, she explained that she’s ”trying really hard to break the millennial curse of people-pleasing for this future generation.”
Some thought this mom made a mistake.
Even though her mission of breaking curses is an admirable one, many people on Threads didn’t exactly see it that way. “Speaking from experience, you don’t make many new friends when you turn down invitations,” one person commented.
Others suggested that the birthday boy may be a little shy as well. “If your son wants to be friends with this kid, but the kid never talks to him, maybe he’s just shy and the birthday invitation is a way of reaching out. But on the other hand if he just doesn’t want to go to the party, fair enough lol.”
Another adult who also struggled with friendship as a child suggested the son should attend. “Not going will only isolate him even more, especially if the whole class was invited which is what I suspect. This could be his “in” for friendship with that kid,” the person wrote.
View on Threads
Kids’ parties aren’t always the safest places.
Others agreed that this mom and her son came to the right conclusion and disagreed with those who believed he should attend. “Boy, you all sure know how to s— all over children’s reasonable autonomy,” one person wrote.
Someone else suggested the boy might have even been in danger attending the party, saying the whole thing might be a setup. “And then if something happened and he got harmed. Then what ?” ” the person asked. “These people act like they don’t pay attention in life. Many cases have happened where kids end up harmed, or unalived by other kids.”
It may have sounded extreme, but another Threads user shared how she was once treated at a party. “He should always trust his gut,” she wrote. “I was excited when a girl I didn’t really talk to invited me to a big sleepover like this, and I slept in and woke up to the group of girls throwing me off a hill in my sleeping bag.”
Trusting your gut is just as important as picking good friends.
It can be difficult to navigate social dynamics at any age. Socialization is a life skill, yes, but it’s less important than learning to listen to our inner voices, especially in the midst of peer pressure.
Ariana’s son may be making a mistake by skipping out on the party. But the best friendships grow organically and, at this age, without much effort and confusion. This boy should lean into the friendships that may push him out of his comfort zone but not to a place that makes him fully uncomfortable.
